


The Shape of Your Words

by geniewish



Series: mr chae au [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: 10cm difference boyfriends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Body Worship, Feelings, Fluff, Insecurities, Literature nerds, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut, Student Yoo Kihyun, Teacher-Student Relationship, Top Chae Hyungwon, Yoo Kihyun-centric, based on my twt au, he has insecurities, its very slow burn you have been warned, kihyun is a sub who likes it rough, kihyun is antisocial but loves talking, kihyun is of legal age, kihyun only knows nice and cool, mentions of other members - Freeform, mr chae sir, side poly relationship, this fic is about hyungwon's smile, yet he loves being treated gently too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-04-29 02:58:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 49,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14463522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geniewish/pseuds/geniewish
Summary: In which Kihyun falls in love with his literature teacher and contemplates his perishable existence in old Shakespearean. In which social media brings people closer and reveals things about them you least expect. And finally, in which unreachable dreams sometimes do come true, and this familiar homey misery turns out to be just a rusty cover for unexpected happiness.





	1. life before you

**Author's Note:**

> based on my twt au here which i recommend you read first
> 
> i suppose this will have three chapters and the first one is just smth you gotta get through
> 
> thank you everyone who supported this au back when i made it on twt and im happy that i can finally share the full story!
> 
> comments and kudos are very appreciated!
> 
> enjoy?

He has such a nice smile. And a pretty one at that, too. 

It’s gentle, friendly and maybe a little bit too polite, but it’s not professional. It’s personal. It makes his nicely shaped lips stretch, and his nicely full cheeks puff up more. They look pinchable. Maybe they deserve a quick weightless kiss on them too, preferably done with a bright cherry lipstick, so it leaves a screaming love mark. Mr Chae looks like he deserves a lot of love, preferably Kihyun’s. 

It is in that moment that the boy realises he is in deep. That maybe his long stares aren’t particularly platonic, and that maybe the nervous fidgeting with his fingers isn’t exactly uncaused, and that maybe, just maybe, the uncomfortable twitching in his pants isn’t really as sentimental as it seemed before. 

Maybe Kihyun fell in love. He doesn’t want to feel that way but he can’t control it, not when Mr Chae walks so closely past his seat in the auditorium and Kihyun can smell the faint gentle perfume that lingers after his every step, or when he explains a new topic and leans forward with his entire upper body to really convey his passionate descriptions in all their might, all while wildly gesturing with both of his uncontrollable hands, or when he smiles and takes Kihyun’s breath away. 

Kihyun really can’t help but stare when Mr Chae brushes his soft black bangs back and holds a hand on top of his head, deep in thoughts and eyebrows furrowed. He has tiny wrinkles on his nicely rectangular forehead, and his face outline is all big waves and curls, and they look harmonically out of place. When he smiles, his cheeks increase the wavelength diagram of his face, and Kihyun unconsciously stretches his lips forward with the only desire to touch, even though he sits about seven meters away from his target. 

And really, Kihyun can’t help but choke on his spit when Mr Chae styles his hair to the sides and gives the world a chance to observe all the nicely strong features he usually prefers to hide. Kihyun stares at him a lot, he also smiles at him a lot, especially when the man squints at a piece of paper in his hands and reaches into his pocket to pull out a pair of nicely framed prescription glasses, or when he sits by his desk, listening to one of his groupmates’ answers to a question Kihyun missed, and bites on his thumb, switching his unreadable confused gaze between the projection and the student. Kihyun wants Mr Chae to bite into his skin too. He also wants to straddle his nicely clothed long legs and untie that horrifyingly tight tie, because when it’s warm inside and Mr Chae keeps fiddling with the knot. It’s distracting, and Kihyun tries to forcefully speed up the saliva-making process in his mouth because it suddenly feels dry and sandy. Kihyun hopes the man can’t hear his dramatic gulping in the quiet classroom, because it’s embarrassing, but he also hopes Mr Chae does hear it all, because Kihyun is never explicit with his affection and he wants the other man to know. He never loses hope in a chance. 

When Kihyun accepts his unfortunate love realisation, he has nothing else to do apart from putting his misery out into the world of Internet and fake personalities. He tweets. He goes to the cafeteria to get some food, find a quiet corner and hope Mr Chae appears in there too to spy on him and his beautiful smile directed at his colleagues. Particularly that muscular show off of a man named Mr Shin. 

Kihyun likes his classics teacher, but he is not particularly fond of him. Or, well, he abruptly turns against him after he realises his crush on his literature teacher, and he can’t help the burning fury. Or, well, slight irritation, because Mr Shin is a very cool charismatic man, and Kihyun loves his lisp. And also his random erratic rants about ancient superheroes’ manly qualities that set unrealistic standards for men of the modern times. Mr Shin is funny.

Mr Chae must think so too, probably. Kihyun knows the way his lips curl upwards in a tender way when he looks at his colleague, and he recognises that light sparkle in his huge brown eyes when Mr Shin chokes on his food in the middle of a speech, and he is so familiar with that high pitched hiccupping laughter that goes so out of tune it should irritate Kihyun, but instead he bites the inside of his cheek to contain the fond smile that threatens to distort his face for everyone to see. Kihyun looks down on a tray with his barely touched food that’s already gone cold, and one corner of his mouth twitches in a spreading grin. 

He managed to fall in love with his teacher, and as much as it is childish, it is self-indulgent and satisfying, because now Kihyun can afford to bask in his own misery and complain about his broken heart to Minhyuk all he wants. 

He can also jerk off with affection and images solely from his head, because Mr Chae is beautiful and Kihyun is still a single twenty year old.

 

Kihyun finds himself stressing over his crush more than he originally planned. He can’t sleep, he can’t eat, he can’t study, he can’t raise his voice. He is facing a tragic, odyssean death. It isn’t that dramatic, really, but that’s exactly how he feels after a two hour long class with Mr Shin, who is a good teacher, a great one, even, but his way of expression is sometimes too much to handle. His voice could use some down tuning and his state of mind – some calamity. Despite Mr Shin’s passionate speeches filling his ears like earwax, strongly and filthily, Kihyun can’t get Mr Chae out of his head. He is not a jealous human being at nature, but seeing his two teachers together, walking step in step and laughing in their idiotically adult manner, Kihyun can’t help the anger boiling in veins, and he unconsciously squeezes his hands into tight fists, juts his jawline forward and stares. He looks intimidating. Students around him jump and shoo away. Kihyun is used to it, it’s a normal practice. He’d rather put on a scary façade than face an overwhelming amount of social interactions. 

He misses Mr Chae. 

His huge brown eyes that curiously observe the class when it’s working, his cute tiny smile that comes out when he’s being polite to people he doesn’t really want to be polite to, and his awkward long hands that drop pens and markers a second after picking them up. His glasses he doesn’t like wearing often – if he did, he would probably wear them more often, Kihyun reasons. He probably thinks they make him look older. Kihyun likes his glasses. He also likes Mr Chae’s expensive suits and silk Balenciaga ties, and how he mixes them with casual dark jeans that seem a little bit too loose on his slim legs. Sometimes he wears casual suit pants and puts on huge stretched out sweaters over dress shirts. It still looks good. Sometimes he takes those sweaters off in the middle of the class and twists his neck while fixing his dotted thin tie that looks like a Hugo Boss this time, and Kihyun can’t stop staring at his hands that get veiny in hot temperature of the room, or his ankles that get revealed when he pulls his pants up, or his crotch area, because this pair of pants sits really well on his legs. Kihyun wants to sit on his legs too. He wants to cover Mr Chae’s thigh with his own, marveling at the size difference, and press his palms to the other’s flat chest that even his smaller hands can cover. Mr Chae is so strangely gorgeous with his long thin proportions, that Kihyun feels unusually self-conscious. He wears good clothes, but Mr Chae wears them better. Even his cashmere navy turtleneck, which, in Kihyun’s honest opinion, looks horrible with his white suit pants and that black blazer, still manages to highlight the man’s nice proportions. It really draws attention to his neck. There’s so little of it visible that Kihyun just wants to pull it down and reveal that nicely built throat column. Maybe bite the skin under his Adam’s apple too. 

Kihyun’s thought process is interrupted by a loud screech of chairs on the floor, and he blinks to realise he’s been stuck in the same position for a while now. Where was he looking? Only Satan knows the answer. Or a mockingly grinning Mr Shin, who’s trying to contain his laughter as he walks to the back of cafeteria to put his tray away with an annoying red face and small shudders of his shoulders, and an amused Mr Chae, who’s picking his tray up while making an eye contact with Kihyun. The latter is taken by surprise and he widens his eyes as he follows Mr Chae’s smile growing. The man turns around and leaves to put his tray away, catching up with Mr Shin who’s already waiting by the exit from the cafeteria. Kihyun looks down at his food that’s gotten cold and feels his cheeks grow hot. He wants to become a tiny green pea on his plate and get thrown into the trashcan like all the unused food does, and never go to Mr Chae’s class ever again. 

 

Minhyuk calls Kihyun in the evening when he’s in the process of writing a very important essay for Mr Chae. Supposedly in the process. He has his Word document open but what stares back at him is a crystal clear white blank page. He hasn’t even written the title yet.

“Hey, Min,” Kihyun sighs and leans back on his chair. 

“Kihyun, darling, why are you sad?” Minhyuk’s raspy voice rings from the other side of the line and Kihyun sighs again. His friend knows everything.

“Trying to write an essay. Minhyuk, I’ve been stuck with this bitch for two hours now. I’m not sure I even know the title. I don’t think I even know what subjects I’m doing anymore,” Kihyun looks at the blank document with his future essay again, and an invisible solidary tear runs down his cheek. The whiteness in front laughs with her mathematically rhythmic cursor. 

“Isn’t it an essay for your hot lit teacher crushie you’ve been meaning to do for a week now?” Minhyuk snickers.

“Yes, indeed. You’re right,” Kihyun replies absentmindedly, with an accepted doom in his voice. 

“When is it due?”

“Tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow,” Kihyun blinks his invisible tears away and processes his words. He curses in realisation, “Shit, it’s due tomorrow!” he sits back up and quickly looks through his notes to find the title. 

“Oh, baby. I wanted to tell you some news, but you should study,” Minhyuk laughs lightly, but Kihyun freezes mid-typing.

“What news?”

“Doesn’t matter, they’re not that important, I’ll tell you later, go write the essay.” Minhyuk drops the call.

Kihyun sighs and finishes typing the title. He sighs again and unlocks his phone to continue scrolling through Twitter. He never starts on his essay that night. 

 

Kihyun mentally collects himself and inhales, fists tight and hidden in the eternal sleeves of his hoodie and eyes squeezed shut. He exhales and steps in front of Mr Chae’s desk as the other checks in with other students to make sure they definitely submitted their essays. Most of the class disappears, leaving a few who love to overdue their work, and Mr Chae excuses them with a promise that they send their essays later tonight. Kihyun is the last one left. 

“Sorry, sir, I forgot to finish it, I’ll complete it by the end of today and send it to you,” Kihyun blurts out and mentally cringes. He doesn’t want to disappoint but he can’t help being an idiot. He would rather get told off for being lazy than for writing a horrible essay. He really can’t let his teacher see such imperfections as his writing. Which means, no essay at all because Kihyun can’t write for shit. 

“Okay,” Mr Chae smiles that polite smile, and Kihyun bows slightly before leaving with a timid ‘thank you’. “Kihyun?” the man calls, and he freezes right by the door. Kihyun turns around, expecting to get scolded, but Mr Chae’s expression turns worried instead, “Are you okay?”

Kihyun is caught off guard, but when the words truly register in his head, he smiles and nods, “Yes, everything is good, sir.” 

Mr Chae smiles back and nods to dismiss his student. Kihyun leaves with a nearly painful flutter of his heart. He really doesn’t want to disappoint him, he’s so nice, and his smile is so gentle, and his smile can get even gentler if Kihyun really submits his essay on time, and they both will be happy for Kihyun. He tells himself he can do this and goes to the library to spend his two-hour long gap writing. 

He never finishes that essay by the end of the day and he goes to sleep stressed and scared for his life. 

The next day, he receives an email from Mr Chae later in the evening and gets to courage to ask for help. Minhyuk suggests it’s a good idea: he doesn’t only get to finish his essay (hopefully), but also spend some private time with his crush. Kihyun bites his lip excitedly at the thought, and rewrites his essay plan in brief paragraphs with notes in brackets and never-ending question marks next to things he is not sure about. He contemplates which one of the five X-Men actors played Macbeth better and settles on young Magneto and old professor, just because Fassbender is hotter in his honest opinion. He gives up on his essay and goes to the kitchen to get some snacks while a random Marvel film is loading on his laptop. Mr Chae can’t quite cure his talent for procrastination. 

 

Despite having time in the morning to work through his essay, Kihyun instead cleans his small apartment, goes grocery shopping, watches another film and only then packs to leave for college to meet Mr Chae privately. He is suddenly nervous. Doesn’t it mean he has to talk to him? Express his ideas, go through his plan, give another excuse as to why he’s so bad at submitting his work on time? This is too much, this is seriously too much, he can’t hold a proper eye contact with people without making them feel uncomfortable, how is he supposed to get the best out of his session with Mr Chae when he probably finds him dumb and intimidating too? Kihyun forces an upcoming panic attack down and enters the building. He can deal with it. He just has to consider Mr Chae simply as a teacher and not someone he wants to woo and drag on a date. Not as if that would ever happen. 

When Kihyun approaches Mr Chae’s classroom door, he inhales, exhales and knocks. He hears a ‘yeah?’ and comes in. His teacher is sitting hunched by his desk and marking some essays. One of them could’ve been Kihyun’s.

“Good afternoon, Kihyun,” Mr Chae says, flicking his eyes to the newcomer and smiling. Kihyun relaxes and smiles back. Mr Chae is pretty today, with his hair ruffled to the sides, in his light blue shirt with the first button undone, navy dotted tie on the table next to him, and his tight black jeans. He’s sitting cross-legged, and Kihyun can see his thin bare ankles. Even his ankles are pretty. He hurries to the seat opposite and gets his stuff out. Mr Chae has a small smile playing in the corner of his mouth, and Kihyun hopes he’s the reason. He’s so pretty when he smiles. Kihyun puts his laptop on the table and only then remembers his manners. 

“Oh, sorry,” he sits up straight, “Thank you so much for making this time out to help me, sir, I really appreciate it.” He bows slightly and peeks at Mr Chae to see him smiling wider. 

“It’s alright, Kihyun. Thank you for taking the initiative to come.” Kihyun looks down and waits for the other to ask for his essay, but instead hears a screech of furniture and sees Mr Chae’s tall figure getting up and moving his chair right next to Kihyun. His heart skips a beat. Maybe two. Mr Chae looks so good, his tight jeans hugging his lean thighs and the shirt crinkling where it’s hidden under the thick brown belt that holds the pants on his hips. Kihyun forgets to move away and follows the other’s every movement. “Well, let’s see what you’ve got for me.” 

Kihyun hastily opens and unlocks his laptop, happy that the document is already there and Mr Chae doesn’t see his embarrassing desktop picture of the Interstellar duo smiling and hugging each other. It’s a screenshot from their most recent music video. It makes Kihyun happy but he doesn’t want anyone else to know about it, even if it’s Mr Chae, who makes him happy too. They are similar in a way, Interstellar and Mr Chae. They’re three so unreachable, so beautiful, with the most dazzling smiles in the world, and they make Kihyun overflow with this strange ephemeral happiness that’s so personal and yet so impersonal, and it’s nearly religious in its contradictions. He is happy they exist, and their actions, their smiles directed at other people, their quirks and cringy jokes, they fill Kihyun’s heart with something light. He wants to hug himself and tell himself well done for staying alive, because he could witness such amazing human beings breathing at the same time as him. Shit, he was so in deep. 

“Looks good so far,” Mr Chae comments, and Kihyun snaps back into reality. His teacher is reading over his messy draft and when he hovers his hand over the touchpad, Kihyun has a hard time not boring a hole in his delicate hand that is too pretty for a man. His long thin fingers, his shortly cut nails, his curvy blue veins that pop from under the skin. His thin bony wrist that looks like it could be crushed into pieces with mere pressure. Kihyun wants to hold it, wrap his own warm hands around Mr Chae’s wrist and hold him like that. Kihyun traces the thick blue vein that goes up his arm to the inside of his elbow with his eyes and thanks Mr Chae for rolling up his sleeves. He peeks at the other man’s face and finds him smiling. Kihyun frowns unconsciously, puzzled, and Mr Chae looks down at his laptop keyboard. Only then Kihyun notices that he forgot to cover the embarrassing meme sticker of Pepe the Frog holding a rainbow flag. He might hear Mr Chae whispering something along the lines of ‘nice’, but is too embarrassed to turn to look at his teacher again. Gay and proud, he once exclaimed at the age of seventeen in his senior year of school when Minhyuk and him were thinking about the concept for the yearbook picture. They ended up blending into the mass. 

Kihyun knows Mr Chae is an intellectual, extremely open-minded man, but getting personal with his crush is never something that leads to a good outcome, and Kihyun had to learn it the hard way. So he sits quietly and waits for Mr Chae to finish skimming over his barely sensible writing. 

“This,” the man points at the short argument Kihyun threw in last minute, “is really good,” Mr Chae highlights the sentence with a basic bright yellow that Kihyun left at default, and continues reading. He hums to himself a few times and smiles after finishing. “That was good. Unfinished, but good,” Mr Chae says, looking Kihyun in the eyes. The latter swallows, suddenly too shy to hold an eye contact. Mr Chae’s eyes are bright, full of love for his subject, and even his dark circles and slight wrinkles don’t disturb the youthful glow. In fact, it adds something charming to the overall image, and Kihyun wants to wipe the tiredness off his eye bags with his thumbs. “I really like your arguments,” Mr Chae faces his laptop again, “I like the way you express your ideas, and your writing style is neat and original, although inconsistent. You need to finish it, expand the brackets and form full, well-developed arguments, which looks like something you can do easily. What was it that you struggled with?” he looks at Kihyun again.

“Uh,” Kihyun collects himself and clears his throat. He was always an eloquent person but Mr Chae makes him lose his composure. The power of crushes, they say, “Well, I couldn’t quite find the link between the stage directions and their relevance to the highlighted parts I indicated. I get that it’s the director’s interpretation, but in my honest criticism, Shakespeare’s original intention should stay where it is.” Kihyun hopes that sounds like a decent argument, considering that the only reason he struggled to finish that damn essay was because it’s not good. He procrastinated the entire time out of pure cowardice and unwillingness to write. But Mr Chae really doesn’t have to know that. 

“You need to do more research on other stages. If that particular director fascinates you enough to criticise him, maybe you should examine his other plays to catch on his style. And, this small paragraph right there,” Mr Chae moves his hands to his keyboard and starts typing. Kihyun glues his eyes to the curve of his upper lip that rises slightly whenever the other man mumbles something under his breath as he types. It’s such a peculiar lip. Kihyun wants to kiss him so, so badly. In such a close proximity to his crush, it’s hard to stay still. He starts fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie as he catches Mr Chae’s tongue peeking from between his lips to lick over the plump bottom one. They’re so slick and red, so vivid on his small face, and Kihyun wants to cover the man’s mouth with his own. It probably tastes like coffee that Mr Chae loves drinking so much, or lunch he most likely had before Kihyun came, or chewing gum. Does he even like chewing gum? His jaws move so nicely and so fiercely when he bites onto something, Kihyun just wants to put the man next to him, give him food and observe the way his face twists with pleasure at the good taste, “…and, obviously, the significance of the witches’ actions in that scene. Are there any more questions?” Mr Chae looks at him, and Kihyun blinks. The other man’s eyebrow twitch in what looks like disapproval, and Kihyun smiles sheepishly, mentally cursing himself for forgetting to control his facial expressions. His blank confused face only indicates the fact that he wasn’t listening. 

“No, sir, everything is good,” Kihyun quickly reassures, smiling through the rushing anxiety, and Mr Chae sighs.

“I’ve written some important notes, so I hope you find them useful and finish the essay by the end of today. Does that seem reasonable?” he asks but looks like any negotiations will be denied the instance they are proposed. So Kihyun nods his head and packs his things back into his bag. 

“Thank you so much, sir!” Kihyun says and waits for Mr Chae to get up. 

“I believe you’ll do well. I see you have a really strong understanding of the material, so I don’t think I have anything to worry about.” Mr Chae smiles and, for some reason, walks Kihyun to the door. “Send that essay to me tonight, please.”

“I will,” Kihyun has no other choice but to agree and he opens the door to leave. 

“Have a good rest of the day, Kihyun,” Mr Chae smiles his nice smile, and Kihyun melts just a tiny bit. He tries to remember the curve of his pretty lips this up-close and bows before exiting. 

 

Kihyun does end up writing his essay, emails it to his teacher and receives an answer half an hour later. Mr Chae is satisfied, but isn’t content, he wants passionate analysis, he wants extensive research, he wants Kihyun’s soul, which he would give him without a second thought. But Kihyun is not talented and he wants to be excused. He doesn’t want that amazing polished essay, he wants to sleep and maybe Mr Chae next to him. 

He scans the email once again, mind blank and unfocused, and he jerks in his seat when the words on the screen finally register in his mind. “Come by the teaching staff room and I will give you additional material to work with”, says Mr Chae’s digital writing. And Kihyun finds himself again – he is a smart young man with undying love for art and literature, he writes perfect essays that get him unbelievably high scores, and he is praised by Mr Chae, a genius, himself. Kihyun knows his price, he knows he is expensive and if his teacher doesn’t mind seeing him again, he will give him the pleasure. Maybe Kihyun can flirt his way out of his misery and unproductivity. 

He isn’t fully sure what pushes him to believe that getting close to his crush is possible. Maybe it’s because Mr Chae is responsive and has pretty sparkly eyes every time they talk, or maybe because if Kihyun shows himself off a little bit more, he can at least get on his teacher’s favourite side. Kihyun overthinks again, and goes to the kitchen to get some snacks to eat his emotional state away. Maybe Mr Chae is straight. But straight men don’t dress so nicely unless they are inherently rich, and they definitely don’t polish their nails. Mr Chae’s hands aren’t made for useless things, they are made for choking, big dicks and fingering, and Kihyun slaps his cheeks to send the images away. Mr Chae probably looks good without his obnoxiously large shirts off. No, there is no way he is straighter than bisexual, he just can’t be a fully lost cause to Kihyun. He is probably sitting somewhere at home, marking his essays and drinking coffee, he is not thinking about Yoo Kihyun who promises to come by his office tomorrow after lectures to hand in his essay personally, he has probably already forgotten, pushed the plan to the back of his mind or even out of it completely, but Kihyun is not ready to give up, not just yet. Maybe he can talk his way into Mr Chae heart. Maybe they can become friends after he graduates. 

Maybe he is dating Mr Shin, and that was why they were laughing in the cafeteria that day. Kihyun isn’t blind, he notices when people give him looks, he isn’t a stranger to those. Maybe his crush is too obvious, and both men have figured that out and now laugh at him for being so naïve. He isn’t naïve, he is just hopeful. Hopeful, and has nothing to lose. Maybe Kihyun can let the other know he has feelings for him – sometimes publicly declared emotions make you develop the same sentiments for a person who confesses they feel a certain way towards you. Maybe Mr Chae is just shy, maybe he is a pervert and wants someone young to give him love, and as soon as he knows about Kihyun, he won’t hesitate to use him. He would gladly give himself, in all honesty. Kihyun knows his price, he knows he can buy his way into someone’s heart, he can be attractive and he can definitely be clever enough to keep a conversation going with a person of greater knowledge, but Mr Chae is his teacher, and men like him don’t take risks. Men in general prefer not to take risks with Kihyun. 

He ends up curled up in his bed, rising confidence gone and deep-settled insecurity covers him like a blanket. He can’t even get off properly, too upset at the hopelessness of the situation. That is, until at twelve a.m. sharp he receives a notification from Interstellar’s official Twitter and jumps in his bed as if his butt got burned. 

“A motherfucking comeback!” 

And Kihyun falls asleep with his phone on his face two hours later, in the middle of writing a tweet, exhausted with excitement. 

 

Kihyun is going to meet Mr Chae at four, meaning he has about two hours of free time to eat and chill on the Internet after all his early classes are done. He doesn’t expect Minhyuk’s sudden message while in the process of engulfing a sandwich and nearly chokes as a result, reading a very ominous “what’s your teacher’s name?” off the screen. Kihyun wonders whether it was a good idea to tell his best friend about his crush in the first place, and wholeheartedly rejects his statement when he opens the link the other guy sends him and sees Mr Chae’s face. On Twitter. 

This is where it all goes down, Kihyun knows, this is where he considers himself a goner. One, finding your crush’ social media account is never a good idea. Two, it’s an absolutely horrible idea. Three, don’t be his friend, you know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning, and if you’re under him, you ain’t getting over him, Kihyun distracts himself with a song and inhales. It’s okay. It’s not a big deal. He is not going to lose himself. 

Mr Chae refers to himself by his first name, and Kihyun feels a stab of jealousy somewhere in his ribs, because he wants to call him Hyungwon too, but his thoughts are immediately taken away when his profile picture finally loads and it’s the man’s face. Mr Chae’s beautifully angled selfie, hair brushed back and face clean and out in the open. He looks strangely more mature than usual, probably because of the full-on black attire he is wearing and the serious expression he is making, and Kihyun nearly cries. He exists the app and whines to Minhyuk. 

He can’t do this. The amount of things social media reveals about people is terrifying. Is Mr Chae an inveterate user like Kihyun? Does he tweet a lot? Or did he only make an account for the sake of having an account and doesn’t even remember it exists? Mr Chae isn’t old; if Kihyun’s calculations are correct, he was twenty two five years ago – this is what Mr Chae said himself when he was telling his students a funny anecdote from his life – which makes him twenty seven years old now. Do people use social medias in late twenties? Kihyun isn’t sure, he never had friends older than him, and he doesn’t dare ask his teachers personal questions. Do teachers even have a life of their own? Do they party? Do they have friends? He knows his linguistics professor, Doctor Lee, is married, and that Mr Shin loves talking about benefits of going to gym and leading a healthy lifestyle, but this is how far his knowledge extents. This is terrifying. 

Mr Chae has been a shell for him for over four months since he took on their class, a living person with not much depth because Kihyun just never had the opportunity to reach it, dive deeper into it, and he is scared, because maybe he will now. Mr Chae is fun to look at, guessing his thoughts, analysing his expressions, taking bits and bits of tiny slices of information in every time he slips them, and Kihyun has been happy with just that. He finishes his sandwich and hopes Mr Chae doesn’t seriously lead this account. What kind of idiot leaves an account open just like that when any random student can find it and use it against him? Kihyun silently wails.

He goes to sit outside where there aren’t many people around him, and opens Twitter again. His gaze lingers on Mr Chae’s profile picture for a little too long, on his beautiful name in Helvetica, his short and mildly cringe-worthy bio, his impressive number of followers, and scrolls down. The last tweet was made thirteen hours ago, in the middle of the night. Shit. He has thirty thousand tweets. He is advanced. 

Kihyun has his fingers on two buttons, continuously pressing and pressing on them to take screenshots of every other useful tweet, every single picture, nearly all of the replies to Mr Shin, who also happen to have a Twitter and a spicy profile picture, and Kihyun is still in trance as he reads over every single word Mr Chae has every written or retweeted. Kihyun has tears in his eyes as with every screenshot he falls in love with the man more and more, as his hopes grow, and as his mystical teacher personality slowly dissolves and opens up a normal, one of a kind human being with a life of his own. Mr Chae is a sneaky, clever bitch. He uses metaphors to emphasise his frank homosexuality, quotes his favourite poets, always giving small background information on them (because most of the time they are gay, and this is very important to him), rants about inconsistent writings or beliefs of this world, skeptically critises (and rarely approves) modern creations of any forms of art, and argues with Mr Shin, who’s username has ‘Wonho’ in it for some unknown reason, who always very eagerly replies to most of the things Mr Chae tweets. They flirt a lot. Kihyun feels jealousy sting all over his body like a thousand of acupuncture needles, because he should be the one replying to everything Mr Chae says. Because he understands him so well, because he agrees with him, because he truly cares about his rants. 

Because he, like no one else he knows around, loves Interstellar. Probably less passionately compared to Kihyun, but he retweets their posts on both official and their personal accounts, and he gives opinion on their music. 

Mr Chae, Kihyun’s largest crush, the most beautiful and cleverest man in his heart, his goal and his ideal, listens to the same artist as Kihyun himself. He believes that heaven exists, and that heaven is right here on earth, with Mr Chae, his amazing outward appearance and his intellectual inside world. Kihyun’s seemingly unreachable crush finally, for the first time in his twenty years of living, ends up being gay. 

And he is so in love, gosh, he is so in love. 

Kihyun barely has mental strength to answer Minhyuk properly, because he has never felt this amount of hope, happiness and hatred at the same time. Mr Chae is still as unreachable as he can get, but everything Kihyun has just found out about him makes this fact so much harder to accept. He is happy that his crush choice is a perfect man and if Kihyun were any other random stranger, he would not hesitate pressing that ‘Follow’ button and hitting the man up in his direct messages. But Kihyun is his student, he is on his way to hand in a severely overdue essay, and Mr Chae has no idea that he stalked him. He is oblivious and peaceful. 

No, why should he be peaceful when Kihyun is suffering so much himself? Didn’t he decide on letting the man know (lightly hint) about his interest in him? It will be so much easier now – at least Kihyun knows the other is not against homosexual relationship, but vice versa, very positive about it. Kihyun can use some of his beautiful shining smiles to blind the other man away. Unless he is already committed, of course. What if Mr Chae is actually in a relationship and Kihyun accidentally destroys the peaceful balance? That would be horrible, Mr Chae is not a cheater, Mr Chae is a good human being, an obedient citizen and most definitely an amazing boyfriend – Kihyun may not know about this firsthand, but he has no doubts a man like Mr Chae would treat his loved one with godly care. 

Kihyun shakes his head as he chases away scenarios he doesn’t want to act upon. He is an adult but he honestly acts like a teenager sometimes. He is tired of wavering between the states of overflowing confidence and suffocating insecurity. He will just act the way he feels like acting on the spot.

Kihyun knocks on Mr Chae’s classroom door and enters after hearing an approval to come in. 

“Ah, Yoo Kihyun,” Mr Chae exclaims as he raises his eyes to look at his student. Kihyun bows as he approaches the desk and sits on the chair in front of his teacher. He wonders if he puts that chair there specifically for Kihyun or if someone else was here before and did this job for him. 

“I brought the essay,” Kihyun says as if it isn’t obvious and smiles. Mr Chae is gay and likes Shakespeare, Renaissance painters and Romantic poets. He can do it. “I did look at the files you sent me, sir, but also did some more research myself”, Kihyun informs as he reaches into his backpack and fishes his laptop out. 

“That’s fantastic, I am looking forward to reading what you have found,” Mr Chae says with a smile and focuses his attention on Kihyun. He holds himself back from shivering at the proximate eye contact and hides his hands under the desk to fidget with the hem of his shirt.

“I’m not going to lie, it was a challenge writing well about something I have never seen before live, but I think I managed to immerge myself in the recorded versions of the plays,” Kihyun continues and forces his heart to relax because Mr Chae’s smile is sweet and interested, and he prompts Kihyun to go on. He wants to hear him talk, and Kihyun’s heartbeat reaches his cheeks, because people don’t usually let him talk. He realises he hasn’t said anything more when Mr Chae gestures at Kihyun’s laptop with his eyebrows.

“Let’s read what else you’ve added to the essay,” and he gets up to bring his chair next to him, like he did the last time. 

Kihyun only manages to concentrate his gaze in the area of the man’s hips and observe the way his clothed in tight black jeans butt cheeks – nice and lovely, although flat – contract as Mr Chae takes three long steps around the desk to move right next to Kihyun. He wonders if one step of his teacher equates to two of his own. Probably. Mr Chae has superbly long legs, and although he sometimes tends to stumble around awkwardly while explaining something in front of the class, when he walks down the corridor, the path is his runway. And when Mr Chae turns to Kihyun and smiles, eyes so kind and focused solely on the boy, he barely prevents his eyelids from fluttering and an embarrassing blush from covering his cheeks, because the man is close, and he smells nicely, and his hair is soft and falls nicely over his nice face, and his smile is nice too. It’s the nicest smile the world has ever birthed. 

Shakespeare has never been in love because Kihyun weaves better rhymes about Mr Chae’s smile than the old English legend has ever writ. 

Even his collarbones are nice, and Kihyun can’t help but look down when Mr Chae’s delicate fingers undo the top button of his white shirt and pull at the collar to expose more skin. Kihyun swallows and tries to speak.

“I sometimes struggle writing essays consistently in one go because I need to get into the spirit of writing, so I once again want to apologise for taking so long to finish it,” Kihyun finds the document on his laptop and fights the urge to bury himself in his bag. He wants to observe Mr Chae’s face as much as possible. “Reading poetry helps me sometimes – I get inspired and write with a renowned force.” 

Mr Chae smiles wider, and Kihyun thinks the other is admiring him. He probably just marvels at the level of his stupidity. Kihyun suddenly feels very conscious of the way his nervous fingers nearly tear the fabric of his shirt at the hem apart. 

“Poetry?” Mr Chae asks, “What poets do you like?”

Kihyun wants to talk about himself. He loves romanticism, he loves all forms and periods of any art, really, but he loves metaphysics and modernism more, and he doesn’t want Mr Chae to disagree with him. It is stupid – he is a teacher, he has to love everything, even if he has his preferences. But love is nothing without a discussion. If only Kihyun didn’t have a crush on Mr Chae, he would talk the shit out of him. 

“Donne is pretty nice,” he pouts and looks up in thought, searching for names. He hasn’t read anything recently apart from Shakespeare, thanks to the piled up essay work, “I can’t really place myself in a certain period, everyone carries something of their own despite the associations and style,” he hums, “Hardy’s cool, I love Auden too,” he cocks his head to the side and visually goes over the carefully stored books on his shelf at home. He sighs, “As much as I love language, it’s the idea and the message that I appreciate the most,” he finally looks back at Mr Chae, who’s staring at him with a gentle sparkle in his eyes. Kihyun tries not to choke on his tongue and continues, “I guess this is where it puts me. I mean, I love looking for hidden meanings behind the overall image, and it’s really cool when authors aim to give their writing a certain ambiguity. Or maybe not,” Kihyun brushes his bangs and goes on, “sometimes things should be clear and straight to the point. If you want to start a social revolution, you go and start a social revolution without all that pretty jazz to mask your real intention. I mean, jazz is complicated and nice to listen to, and I certainly love it, but sometimes you just got to either establish a metaphor and follow it throughout the entire thing, or just say whatever is on your mind just like that, like in rap music. I’m not interested in how pretty flowers in your garden look like in late spring and how much they resemble your loved one if your main point is to, I don’t know, shame the discrimination of the society you’re in because your love is, let’s say, non-traditional,” Kihyun forgets there is another person by his side as he gestures passionately to really convey his point, “Like, yes, please, talk to me about how it’s the society we should shame and not us, if you want to pass on something meaningful, then actually do it and don’t beat around the bush with stanzas-long metaphors that don’t even correspond to your idea. I mean, yes, give me the epithets, teach me the language, let me analyse you, but maybe make all this décor have some kind of purpose after all?” Kihyun looks up at the other man, lips still pouting as he tries to think of a counter argument to everything he just said, but holds in a gasp when he realises he rambled on for a while. Mr Chae might consider him annoying now. He gave him his precious time that he could’ve spent on resting away from his students, to go over his work, but instead Kihyun wastes it talking about himself because he doesn’t have many people to talk to in his life. Kind of pitiful, if Kihyun can judge.

He gets ready to squeeze his eyes shut and disappear, because he doesn’t want to see Mr Chae disappointed, but instead of frowning and shaking his head, the older man smiles to reveal his perfectly nice teeth and moves closer, and Kihyun’s body melts into a goo.

“I absolutely adore Auden too, and if I had the chance to, let’s say, confess my love for someone, I would use a verse or two from his poetry,” Mr Chae leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, and Kihyun can count pores on his nose and catch a glimpse of a smudged concealer over a spot on his forehead he’s hiding under his bangs. And he is so real, so human, and he loves Interstellar and poetry, and enjoys Kihyun’s rambling, and his face lights up when he is excited about something, and Kihyun wants to hug him, leave a kiss on his soft caramel cheek and ask him to take him home. And his voice gets louder and he starts gesturing awkwardly with his hands, just how Kihyun does, and he wants to take Mr Chae’s pretty thin hand and press it to his own chest to let him know how hard his heart beats for the other. Kihyun may not be a fan of Romantic age, but he is a hopeless romantic at heart himself. “Have you read ‘Lullaby’?” Mr Chae asks, raising his eyebrows and eyes curious, “This is my confession,” Mr Chae looks to the side with a gentle dreamy smile, and he has such a harmonically made face, with his soft curves and big expressive features that somehow manage to fit in, and Kihyun knows he can write verses about it.

“I never really thought about it,” Kihyun says out of habit of replying to everyone, even if it’s not a question, and tries not to look at the way Mr Chae’s front teeth peek from under his plump upper lip when he unconsciously bites on his bottom one in thought. “I guess I would use something from Oscar Wilde’s letters? Those were pretty great,” Kihyun blurts out the name of the first gay writer he can think about, and Mr Chae seems happy about his answer.

They forget about Kihyun’s essay as they chat the afternoon away, and Kihyun feels comfortable. And when he does, it’s precious, it’s important, it means a lot to him. For most of his life he only had Minhyuk to share the joy of open diverse conversations, and the other tiny part were his short-term boyfriends who didn’t appreciate him enough. He wonders if Mr Chae loves music beyond what he knows about his preferences based on his tweets, and if he would love to have a karaoke date. Dating Mr Chae must be nice, he is such an educated person; Kihyun can continue conversations with him for hours. He secretly hopes (and consciously knows) that the other man feels similar because they’ve been talking for half an hour now, and the laptop screen has turned black. 

“Oh,” Mr Chae sighs when he notices Kihyun automatically turning towards his laptop, “I believe we should still check your essay despite the incredibly fascinating conversation we are having,” he waits for Kihyun to turn his laptop on again and his hands on his keyboards immediately, scrolling through the content. He hums approvingly and turns to Kihyun when he finishes reading, “Good job, Kihyun.”

Kihyun tries not to blush and smiles, happiness probably evident on his face anyways. He emails the essay to Mr Chae while the other man takes his phone out and types something fervently, occasional small smiles there and there. He is either tweeting or texting someone, and Kihyun wants to be on the receiving end of that passionate debate, if Kihyun can call it that only catching glimpse of Mr Chae’s long thumbs moving fast over the screen. 

“Done,” Kihyun says proudly and looks at Mr Chae with hopeful expectation.

Mr Chae smiles and nods, “Great work today, Kihyun. I will mark your essay and email you with feedback and the new task you should have started working on a while ago,” he hears a fleeting note of disapproval in Mr Chae’s voice but the man is still keeping his gentle smile on his face, so Kihyun doesn’t bother worrying. 

He leaves the room after Mr Chae walks him all the way to the door, like last time, and sighs in relief, back pressed against the wall and head down. Kihyun loves talking but is too scared to familiarise himself with other people. Especially if it’s someone who makes his heart beat a little bit faster. 

 

Later that day Kihyun goes on Twitter to stalk a little bit more and finds Mr Chae’s new tweet, about Interstellar’s upcoming album. He likes it and goes to the kitchen to make some food. It is only some time later, when he is calmly sitting by the table and eating, that he realises something is wrong and panic rushes through his entire body. He opens the app again, doesn’t refresh the timeline and scrolls down, to the older tweets. There’s a pink heart under Mr Chae’s tweet. He removes it with the speed of a lightning, goes on the man’s profile and – he has tweeted some more since then. Hell no, he doesn’t check his notifications, right? He is not that obsessed; he is too old to bother with ratios and attention, right? He has over a hundred likes on that tweet, it’s okay, no way would he notice Kihyun’s profile pic, he is not interested in stuff like that. Kihyun panics and texts Minhyuk. 

Kihyun still panics and tweets like a madman, goes on Mr Chae’s account every five minutes to see anything new, and he tweets, he is online right at that very moment. Something about being emotional? That’s interesting. Mr Chae seems like a person of good control, but maybe it is just a mask. Actually, no, Mr Chae is a genuine man - if he is disappointed, he is disappointed, if he is happy, he is happy. Kihyun doesn’t bother making his account private. He doesn’t know what he is hoping for. Maybe Mr Chae finds his account, reads over every single tweet about his hopelessly unrequited crush on him (they aren’t hard to find, he tweets about the man very, very often), and gets so angry at him for acting like a stupid teenager that he starts to discriminate against him. That’s possible, Kihyun isn’t a stranger to unfair treatment, but it hurts so much more just thinking about the man he is in love with hating him. 

Instead, contrary to Kihyun’s silent wailing, Mr Chae emails him with the new essay title. He also wants to have another private session with him tomorrow. 

Kihyun is strangely turned on and feels like he is being watched. He questions Mr Chae’s logic behind the need to see him again just to make sure he does the work he assigned, and goes to shower, desiring some stress-removal help. It’s okay. He will see Mr Chae again tomorrow, privately, up close, and it doesn’t even matter anymore what the other man thinks of him when he gives him the opportunities to admire him some more.

 

The next day, when Kihyun goes to his teacher to continue working on his essay plan, he talks lot, Mr Chae, he really does, and Kihyun is taken aback by the extensively responsive reaction. The man can’t stop smiling, and when he is not smiling, he is biting on the inside of his cheek, jutting his lips forward, and Kihyun can’t stop himself from staring at them. He thinks Mr Chae found his Twitter, he probably did, and so he invited Kihyun to spend time with him again just so he can mentally laugh at the younger’s struggles of trying to act straight. Or at least not so obviously in love. 

But their conversations are so genuine and sweet, and Kihyun loves the world for creating someone like Mr Chae. He is so cool, and so nice too, and he helps him with his essay, and shares his interests, and even offers him a biscuit because he always has some snacks in his bag since the food in cafeteria isn’t always up to his standard – it’s what he says. And although Mr Chae never mentions his interests outside of literature in detail, Kihyun is still happy. 

They somehow manage to go over Kihyun’s essay plan, jut down a couple of points (which Mr Chae forces Kihyun to think of by himself), and have another debate over Shakespeare’s best play. Mr Chae unchangeably loves Macbeth and Coriolanus, and Kihyun loves comedies, because he’s had enough tragedies in his life already. Not in that sense. He himself is a tragedy. A tragic gay joke. 

Mr Chae walks Kihyun to the door, pats him on the back, sending tiny shivers down his spine, because the man’s big hand touches him and it feels like an explosion in his heart, and wishes him good luck.

“I will send you an email later today with the deadline, Kihyun,” Mr Chae says and smiles. Kihyun nods, leaves and once he is out, nearly screams. He calms down quickly though, because there are other students around him and he doesn’t want too much attention to his persona. He quickly wonders if Mr Chae likes calling him by his first name, and lets out a barely audible squeak.

 

Later in the evening when Kihyun is sitting by his desk with the guitar in his hands, singing the night away, he gets a promised email from Mr Chae and opens it with easy thoughts. He nearly screams when he reads post scriptum and shuts hit laptop immediately, unable to look at the words on the screen. No, please, he can’t just do it. 

‘P.S. Please try to focus on work more. Interstellar album can wait, your grades—not so much’, is what the post scriptum says, and Kihyun hit his head on the wooden surface of the table. He hates feeling embarrassed. He hates when other people make him feel anxious. Mr Chae can’t just do this to him.

Kihyun is a tragedy; he is a stupid, self-proclaimed hero that pretends to do the right thing and never succeeds at it. He can smash the guitar over his head and sleep a peaceful death, or overwork himself until he is a fleeting skeleton with heavy black circles under his eyes, and die a peaceful sleep. 

Instead, Kihyun tweets about his misery, singing an old Britney Spears song under his breath, because he feels like a sad sixteen-year-old with a miserable crush, and checks Mr Chae’s account out of spite, or maybe out of despair. The other man coincidentally tweeted a minute after Kihyun’s tweet, and Kihyun squints his eyes suspiciously. It would be undeniably stupid to assume his teacher stalks his Twitter. No one has ever taken this much interest in him or in his arbitrary insignificant fan account, so he wants to chase the thought away but he can’t. Action is eloquence, is what Mr Chae says. He appreciates eloquent people, he really does, that’s why he is so close with Mr Shin and visibly enjoys Mr Dong’s, his philosophy professor’s company so much. Kihyun can barely compare. 

Unless he truly understands Kihyun’s independence, self-appreciation and uncontrollably sharp tongue he sometimes hides for too long, then Mr Chae really doesn’t care. But he talks to Kihyun, and conversations are important. Maybe Kihyun is a desirably company for his teacher, maybe he is different. Well, of course he is different, but the question is to what extent does Mr Chae recognises this difference. 

Kihyun fucks all his logical trains of thought somewhere to the moon and emails Mr Chae back, adding a post scriptum too, because he is a horny independent brat who gets off people giving him more attention than necessary. He also loves using people when he can because when he gets angry, he becomes unstoppable. Mr Chae is an Interstellar fanboy. And Kihyun will suck in his pride just to expose the other. 

‘P.S. As I’ve witnessed one great man once say, in the midst of all this mess, Interstellar album is the only thing I could wish for right now. It’s truly only I.M’s lyrics and Jooheon’s emotion that help me get through the day.’

He presses send and suddenly the anxiety is back. Mr Chae is probably laughing at him right now. But Kihyun is truly nothing but a fool, and poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. Kihyun is the one that’s full of sound and fury, but they signify nothing. Kihyun signifies nothing. 

Mr Chae replies, with post scriptum taking half the email. And Kihyun possibly loses his shit. 

‘Indeed, Changkyun’s lyrics are powerful, but you cannot ignore the feelings he puts into them. Deep thoughts resonate well with his deep voice. It’s simply impossible not to put his part on repeat.’

Mr Chae biases Changkyun. Changkyun, the younger one of the two, the awkward one of the two, and the smartest one of the two. Kihyun biases Jooheon. Mr Chae biases Changkyun. God, they wouldn’t even have to argue over who loves who more, because they spread their love equally for the whole duo. This is the most amazing thing Kihyun has ever heard since he left the man’s classroom earlier today. 

He emails Mr Chae back, asking for a couple of words about Jooheon, and suddenly, life is good. The other man replies almost immediately, and Kihyun is delighted to read that he thinks of Jooheon’s work higher than of any of Kihyun’s amazing intelligent essays so far, and this says a lot. He aims to finish their conversation by encouraging Kihyun to work, but Kihyun is not the type to give up so fast. It’s now or never, it’s either a win or a loss. Or death – depends on the extent of the risk he is taking. Kihyun tells him to move to another platform for their discussion, indicating that yes, he knows the other man’s Twitter, and that he wants to carry on talking to him. Kihyun is stubborn, arrogant and very self-absorbed when he is not facing a stressful situation. Mr Chae is stressful, but it’s somehow okay now. It’s not the end of the world just yet. 

Kihyun contemplates for another minute, thumb hovering over the white button he wishes to colour blue, and fucks it all again and presses ‘follow’. He is following Mr Chae, his teacher, on Twitter now. And he has his notifications on because he is that obnoxious. 

He considers direct messages to be too childish and searches their literature class groupchat, with Mr Chae’s phone number on it. He looked at that number many times before but was not in position to do anything with it. As if he would go and text his teacher just like that. He has an empty message box with his teacher’s phone number open, and decides on saving it first. ‘Mister’, all lowercase and a picture he secretly took in class once. Seems good. He waits for a moment, mentally structuring his first message, but he doesn’t have the guts to start this conversation first. Or rather, continue. But then gets a notification with a new follow from user @chaewonhyung, and Kihyun fucks the world for the third time in the last thirty minutes and send a simple, ‘evening mr chae.’ 

And the world twists from there. Because Mr Chae replies almost immediately, and their seven-year age gap doesn’t exist in the light of fanboying. 

It takes Kihyun an hour of pointless discussions over Interstellar’s clothing style, funny YouTube videos from their interviews and the whole concept of leading fan accounts for artists, for him to familiarise himself with Mr Chae. He uses proper punctuation and formulation even in text messages, and sometimes even puts a full stop after a short unnecessary sentence. He is a freak, Kihyun decides, and smiles at his phone, because Mr Chae is cute. He is cute, and Kihyun is texting him. Like a friend. Not like a stranger. Shit, Kihyun is seriously doing it. He doesn’t even question who is a crazier one of them, because they are both currently losing their minds over the best Interstellar album debate. Idiots. 

Kihyun can’t stop giggling at the thought and his phone. Mr Chae is a nerd. Kihyun can’t contain his gasps when the other man swears or pressures him into agreeing on whatever point he is making. Mr Chae is not as soft as Kihyun originally thought. And at one a.m., after hours of conversations, the other is easily calling him out for being dumb, tells him to shut (the fuck) up and full stops him every other message. It’s hot. Kihyun wants Mr Chae to shut him up like that in real life too, shortly and harshly, like a flick of his finger.

He is not sure how it’s really possible for Mr Chae to be comfortable enough to text his student like he is texting a friend. But if the other is comfortable, then Kihyun is comfortable too. Mr Chae knows he has a crush on him, there’s no way he hasn’t realised it yet. Kihyun tweets about him twenty four seven, he stares at him all the time, he openly flirts in his messages, and the older doesn’t seem to mind. Maybe he is indeed using him because he is vulnerable and willing, young and hot-headed, and so easy to lure out. No, Kihyun knows Mr Chae is not that kind of a person, and Kihyun is not naïve – desperate, but not naïve. But he is not a child either. He is a little bit too open about his affection, more than he planned, but the other doesn’t seem to mind, he really doesn’t. Kihyun agrees that maybe his texting style is childish, stupid and absolutely chaotic, but Mr Chae keeps talking to him, keeps coming up with new topics and debates, which he so obviously loves, and it’s all so genuine and invested, and Kihyun can’t help but wonder. Maybe Mr Chae does like him as a company. No way he’d have a real attraction to him, of course, but maybe they could be friends? Kihyun is mature enough to be discreet and Mr Chae is not that old to feel weird about wanting to talk to someone younger. Right? 

Well, Kihyun is pretty too. And he wants, so desperately wants Mr Chae to see him, actually look at him and see something no one else does. But sometimes Kihyun has to tell himself that he fantasises and overthinks too much and should just let it go. See Mr Chae tomorrow after lunch, bring him coffee (because he requested him to bring it to him), and see what happens. Maybe he will tell him off for getting too personal with a person of authority, or maybe he will laugh at him for believing that he wanted to talk to him and wasn’t just doing it for laughs with Mr Shin. Shit, now Kihyun is getting anxious again. They finally say their good nights and Kihyun screams into the pillow. He knows so much more about Mr Chae now, and he feels so close to him. Maybe it’s okay. Maybe Kihyun isn’t stupid and Mr Chae genuinely thinks very highly of him. He will see tomorrow. 

 

But tomorrow never came, Kihyun wants to sing, because his heart is beating too fast and he isn’t sure he is ready to see Mr Chae yet. He wants to, of course, but it’s terrifying, because Kihyun is way too obvious about his affection. And Mr Chae knows, of course he does. He can see it in the man’s smiles, his curious eyes and strangely little amount of space he leaves between them when they talk. Mr Chae is weird. Kihyun can’t understand him, and he only has himself to rely on. 

So when it’s time to meet his teacher, he swallows down his anxiety, puts on some confidence and comes into the classroom with the brightest smile on his face. 

“Good afternoon, Mr Chae,” Kihyun says, standing by the desk filled with papers and books and pens, and puts his hands together in front of him, bouncing from heels to toes. He isn’t sure why he’s acting cute. Maybe he wants to be cute for the other man, or maybe it’s the supressed nervousness moving his body on its own. 

Mr Chae, who has been hiding his face in his hands that cover it fully, finally looks up, looking a little bit tired and dark circles slightly more prominent under his eyes, but he smiles his gentle smile nevertheless. “Hello, Kihyun,” he gestures on the chair next to his own and moves a little bit to the side, so the younger can push his chair more to the middle of the table. Which is exactly what Kihyun does and sits next to his teacher, just how he is offered to do, refusing to think that Mr Chae did it especially for him. Maybe Mr Shin was here before him, who knows. 

Kihyun reaches for his bag to get his laptop, but he is stopped by Mr Chae’s hand hovering over his but not touching, “I trust you to finish the work in your own time. Unfortunately, I am very unproductive today due to a lack of proper sleep, so I would be grateful if you just make me a company while I’m finishing marking those essays.” He vaguely gestures over the mess on the table and covers his eyes again, and Kihyun feels a sting on guilt in his chest. 

He smiles awkwardly and twitches his head to the side with a sharp inhale, unable to really express what he is thinking about the situation. He isn’t sorry for keeping the man up late at night because Kihyun got so much joy from their conversation, but seeing the other so visibly exhausted, he does feel the need to apologise, “I am terribly sorry, Mr Chae, for keeping you up,” he thinks it sounds a little bit sarcastic and frowns apologetically, making puppy eyes to seem more genuine, “It was nice, though, conversing, I mean, it was nice,” Kihyun adds as an afterthought and smiles sheepishly.

“I enjoyed it too, Kihyun,” Mr Chae smiles and rests his cheek on his hand, face turned towards the younger. Kihyun’s heartbeat falters at the eye contact and he isn’t sure whether he wants to look away or keep the intense gazing. Well, it is only intense from his side, because Mr Chae looks like he is about to fall asleep with his eyes open. And he looks so cute, so real and close, as if he really is an old friend. Mr Chae’s hair is fluffy and a little bit fuzzy, and it’s brushed to the sides to reveal his eyebrows and that tiny pink spot on his forehead. And his smile is so gentle and homely, and his lips look even larger when they’re stretched, and he has those tiny wrinkles in the corners of his mouth, and Kihyun knows his entire body indicates how much he is in love. 

He isn’t sure what pushes him to say the next words, but he doesn’t feel a single rush on anxiety after they slip off his tongue because it’s what he knows he can do, it’s what Mr Chae’s tender facial expression tells him he can do, and so, “Are you free this evening, Mr Chae?” leave his mouth in one breath, and Kihyun doesn’t falter. 

Mr Chae shakes his head slowly, eyes focused on Kihyun’s, somehow not as cheerful as they usually are, and a little bit serious, though gentle, as if he is reminiscing something and the younger’s face helps him concentrate on that thought. “Yes, I am,” he says slowly, not unsure, but a little bit hesitating. Kihyun doesn’t feel rejected yet, he knows how to be persistent and not come to conclusions too early. 

“I just wanted to, maybe, buy you coffee, since I forgot to bring one today?” Kihyun offers, shoulders shrugging slightly, as if it’s a very casual invitation. It’s not, and Kihyun’s heart beats like crazy. 

“It’s okay, Kihyun. You don’t have to get me anything apart from you essays,” Mr Chae says with a smile, and his voice is soft, relaxed, and intimate, as if someone can hear their conversation from outside the classroom. 

“But I want to. I feel partially responsible for keeping you up too late last night with my constant messaging,” Kihyun offers his heart on the plate, and he knows Mr Chae can see it through his eyes. 

Mr Chae shift his position a little, both elbows on the desk and chin resting on one of them, head still turned towards Kihyun, “It’s my fault too, Kihyun. I kept replying.”

“I mean, of course, if you don’t want to, I won’t push you,” Kihyun feels the need to reassure. He chews on his bottom lip and looks down, not ready to get rejected just yet. He needs to show the other man that he is safe and that there is nothing wrong with him grabbing a cup of coffee with his student. Especially if it’s someone like Kihyun. Especially if he feels like he isn’t supposed to do something when he knows he wants to. For some reason, Kihyun feels like he can speak for Mr Chae’s doubt. “I don’t have anything else to do after college anyways, apart from work, which I’m really bad at – you should know this well, sir, plus I’m doing it better with you here.” Kihyun might have said too much, but it’s too late now. He really offers the best of him. 

“I don’t mind, Kihyun,” Mr Chae says softly, almost in a whisper, and Kihyun raises his head with an inhuman speed. He sees himself sparkling in the other man’s dark eyes. Mr Chae observes him for some more, in silence, as if contemplating every feature on the younger’s face, and Kihyun knows he is a blushing, but he tries to keep his face straight and eyes sincere, focused on the other man, so he can see that his intention is genuine. And that maybe he wants a date, but that would be a little bit too much. Eventually Mr Chae sighs and smiles softly with the corners of his lips, shakes his head just slightly and releases a chuckle. Kihyun cocks his head to the side, confused at his reaction, and Mr Chae’s smile reaches his eyes, which scream ‘cute’ right into his face. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head again before giving up and agreeing, “Alright. Let’s go get coffee, but I’m paying.”

Kihyun jerks in his seat at hearing a yes and blinks in confusion. Mr Chae just agreed to go out with him. He jumps up when he sees the other man packing his stuff and putting on his blazer, and he finally registers his words fully, “No, it’s okay, I have money, I can buy my own coffee, please, Mr Chae—“

“No,” he says sternly, fixing his navy satin blazer that fits his narrow frame really well and makes his shoulders stand out just a little bit more, “I earn money, I can afford two cups of coffee, and you don’t have the right to say no.” Mr Chae cuts any objections and continues to pack in peace. Kihyun gapes at him, something tingly running through his body after the man told him off like that. It was hot. Kihyun wants him to do that again. 

He waits quietly as the man shoves all the printed out essays into a folder and throws it into his bag, then collects whatever he thinks belongs to him too, and juts his lips forward, thinking whether he forgot something. Kihyun has the time to observe his nicely dressed figure, his slim but well shaped legs clad in tight black jeans, his thin pale ankles and his dark brown leather loafers. Even those look great on him. Kihyun also wants to make everything he wears look like he is advertising a clothing brand, because Mr Chae looks too much like a celebrity from a front cover of Vogue and not a nerdy literature teacher that he just so happened to be, and Kihyun can’t believe he is taking him out. Technically, it’s the other way around because Mr Chae insisted on paying, but the point stands. He is about to spend some time outside of college with the love of his life, and it feels surreal. Mr Chae is surreal. And somehow illogical and so, so mysterious to Kihyun, but he believes he is about to find out what is really on the other man’s mind. Hopefully. 

“I will meet you outside by the entrance stairs in half an hour, does this sound good?” Mr Chae asks when they are about to exit the classroom, and Kihyun is having a whiplash over the sudden change of plan. He blinks and shakes his head in confusion to really understand what the other man means and gather some thoughts for a reply, but only manages to release a hoarse ‘uh’. 

Mr Chae smiles, and Kihyun is very aware of how much the other man is taller than him. “Oh, yes, of course, I will just wait there,” Kihyun blurts out, mentally cringing at his slow response. Mr Chae didn’t really mean to negotiate, he realises, and so has no other choice but to agree. 

The other man nods and turns to leave in the opposite direction, into the depth of the college building, probably heading to the staff room or talk to Mr Shin, Kihyun bitterly adds, and stands in the same place looking at Mr Chae’s tall disappearing figure, a tiny sting of hurt in his heart. But Mr Chae then suddenly turns his head back and grins with the corner of his mouth at Kihyun’s lost tiny form, and Kihyun’s heart is full again. At least he isn’t deprived of attention. 

There aren’t many people in college at this time of the day, they’re either at lectures or long gone, and Kihyun is happy. There is no one outside either, and he can breathe. He fishes out his phone and aims to spend those thirty minutes on Twitter, reading theories about the Interstellar upcoming comeback or old fan accounts from the previous era, because Jooheon and Changkyun are the cutest men ever to exist. He retweets a couple of things and remembers the fact that Mr Chae followed him and can probably see his every move, and this thought is somehow embarrassing. They are both fanboys, it’s okay, Kihyun may be a little bit more obsessed, but it doesn’t matter, the other can understand, surely he does. Kihyun mentally curses himself for letting the thought of Mr Chae’s skepticism tell him what to do, and goes on lurking further. 

Thirty-five minutes pass and Mr Chae deigns to appear. So punctuality is not a part of his personality; no wonder, considering he comes to his first classes late too. Kihyun huffs and pouts, and Mr Chae smiles at him as he walks down the stone stairs, gesturing with his head to come down too. Kihyun isn’t sure why he’s acting cute but he doesn’t seem to mind being an obedient puppy for Mr Chae. It kind of works as a dynamic, he thinks. 

They walk and talk, keeping a respectful distance between them, and Kihyun marvels at how the dim sunlight makes the other man’s skin shine, and he looks even more beautiful in the natural setting. The light breeze ruffles his hair, and he makes funny expressions when the wind is a little bit too strong, and Kihyun can’t help but laugh endearingly. It somehow feels normal, as if he is really going out with a friend and not a teacher on whom he has a massive crush. He ponders if he should feel scared at such a comfortable proximity and worries about his surrounding, but Mr Chae seems relaxed. They go further and further from college, and the man says it’s about a twenty-minute walk. He is bringing him to a café far away from college so no one sees them. 

“Honestly, Kihyun, tell me more about what you do outside of studying?” Mr Chae asks, his hands in the pockets of his light beige overcoat and steps slow, leisurely. He isn’t in a hurry to get rid of Kihyun, he wants to talk and spend time with him, and Kihyun has never felt more appreciated. Mr Chae is nice, super nice. 

“I don’t really do much outside, I sit at home mostly,” Kihyun goes through his daily routine and tries to pick up things he is good at, “I like singing, I had years of music lessons back in school, and now I just do it for my own pleasure. I play a few music instruments, but now I only use them to accompany my voice.”

“What do you play?” Mr Chae asks immediately, interested apparent in his voice. 

“Guitar, piano, saxophone, a little bit of drums, tried to learn violin but couldn’t keep up, and I’m not bad at playing on people’s nerves,” he adds with a cheeky smile before clenching his teeth and stretching his lips in an awkward expression and hiding his face in embarrassment. Mr Chae chuckles and suddenly holds him by his shoulder, lightly, just barely touching the layer of clothing, and Kihyun hears him muttering something along the line of ‘careful’ as they walk on a pavement dirtied with thrown out rubbish under their feet. 

Kihyun calms down, still conscious of his blushing, and continues talking like nothing happened, “I used to go out a lot in the first year of college but later the excitement died down after I started getting piled with tons of work.” He didn’t want to seem like a hermit, because he wasn’t really one, he knew how to go out and have a great night, but sometimes episodes of this tragically gay loneliness last longer than he plans and he sits at home, procrastinating and texting his online friends and Minhyuk. 

“Do you have a lot of friends outside of college?” Mr Chae asks, and Kihyun knows this question is important. He still can’t imagine the concept of the other man having romantic interest in him, but he never brushes the thought away completely. It wouldn’t be that unusual, Kihyun was pretty and cool and clearly a nice company, but the unrealistic situation makes him have his doubts. He never had anything with his crushes. 

“I have one friend,” Kihyun pouts, contemplating what he can and can’t say. Minhyuk would be honoured he told his crush about him, it’s always an honour to be mentioned. “We’ve been friends for about thirteen years now?” he counts the years in his head and decides the number is just about right. “He goes to that other university, he is doing art. He’s pretty cool but we can’t meet as often anymore because he is busy and I am busy, so we haven’t talked much recently.” Kihyun finishes his touching story of a loyal friendship and observes Mr Chae’s face, which seems contemplative, as if he is coming to agreement with something in his head. He looks in front of him, lips pursued forward as he bites on the inside of his cheek, and Kihyun traces the soft lines of his side profile with his eyes, wondering what ancient Greek artist sculptured his face. Mr Shin doesn’t need to go to museums to see those half-ruined outdated statues; he has a whole masterpiece right by his side. 

“I’m like that too, to be completely honest,” Mr Chae says, and this is personal. Teachers don’t talk about their inner world, they don’t agree with their students’ views, and they definitely don’t take them out for a cup of coffee and pay for it. “I mainly talk to my colleagues and a few of my very old friends. I treasure the long-lasting strong friendships that have been through the challenges of changing times and distance more than new acquaintances, but some of them might become rather promising.” Mr Chae smiles and halts, nodding in the direction of a café. Through the glass walls Kihyun can see that it’s a book café and mentally coos, because it’s the cutest and the nerdiest place one has ever brought him to. 

Mr Chae holds a door open for him, and they come inside, and it’s warm and smells like coffee and wood, and Kihyun spots a nice table in the corner and gestures towards it with naturally pleading puppy eyes, “Can we sit there?”

Mr Chae smiles widely enough to reveal his teeth and nods with an amused ‘of course’. He looks up at the chalkboard menu hanging on the wall behind the counter. “Do you have any preferences?” 

Kihyun loves normal coffee, not too sweet and not pure Americano, although the latter helps him get up every morning. He isn’t given the chance to answer as Mr Chae decidedly says, “I’ll get you something of my taste,” and looks into his bag to find a wallet. 

Kihyun wants to complain but doesn’t dare twist his tongue to form more words, because Mr Chae looks great and he trusts his taste. Hopefully it’s not a simple double espresso or vanilla cinnamon chai macchiato latte on sweetened coconut milk. 

He settles down on the couch by the wall and puts his backpack next to him, patiently waiting for Mr Chae to come back. There are bookshelves on either sides of him, and he feels comfortable, smell of coffee clouding his senses and the light brown wooden walls reflect the soft orange light of the café onto Mr Chae, who is smiling politely at the woman behind the counter and receives his credit card back. He paid with his own bank account, that’s really cool, and Kihyun feels his skin tingling with this weird sense of excitement and he wants to itch it, scrape past his skin and flesh and get this feeling out of him and throw it into Mr Chae’s face, so the other man knows and Kihyun doesn’t have to try to hide his fascination with the other’s existence anymore. Kihyun wants to shrink, make himself even smaller, so Mr Chae can hold him in the dark of his folded palms and keep him warm and protected, and he wants to protect the other too. Maybe if he becomes absolutely tiny, absolutely invisible and only shining for Mr Chae, maybe then he will feel truly secure from the evil chance of the world, from other people’s gaze, from their judgement and prejudice, and maybe from his own insecurity as well.

Kihyun is thrown out of his poetic bliss when Mr Chae approaches the table with two paper cups of coffee in his hands, and puts one in front of Kihyun and one opposite, and moves the chair back to sit down on it, relaxing immediately. 

“I’m not a fan of chairs, but it feels good to finally drop down on something,” Mr Chae says, leaning back and moaning slightly as he stretches his long arms and pushes his chest forward. Kihyun swallows and continues staring at the other man’s ministrations with his blazer as he takes it off and hangs it on the back of his chair. 

“You can sit here if you like,” Kihyun offers and shifts in his seat, but Mr Chae stops him with his raised palm and twitch of his eyebrows.

“It’s alright, please enjoy your coffee,” he says and takes a sip, “It’s cappuccino; simple but very pleasant to the taste. They make great coffee here,” he elaborates and looks at Kihyun expectantly.

He takes a tiny sip, trying not to burn his tongue, and he likes it. It’s good. “I like it. Have you been here before?” he asks, because Mr Chae seems comfortably familiar with the place. 

“I have indeed. It’s my favourite café, in fact, so I do come here often,” he simply says with a tiny smile that seems a little bit shy, as if he shares something he doesn’t usually share. 

“I really like it here. It’s comfortable, and I love the books,” Kihyun comments, because he genuinely likes the place. And Mr Chae too, he likes him too. He is surrounded by this unusual softness he never expected the other to possess in such excessive amounts. When he lightly grabbed him by the sweater on his shoulder on the way here, it was so gentle and caring, and so, so different to Kihyun’s fantasies in the middle of the night when he imagines the older to grab him roughly and throw him on the bed, hands knowing and commanding, and the voice stern, deep, whispering, because Mr Chae’s voice is unbelievably pleasant to listen to. And instead of a loud ‘Alright, everyone, laptops open, minds focused, let’s insert some knowledge into your young developing heads’, it would be a low intimate ‘Come on, baby, legs wide open, ass up, show me how well you can take me inside’ right into his ear. Kihyun sips on his coffee, fire washing over his tongue, and he is back in the café. 

“Books are undoubtedly the best part,” Mr Chae gets up, walks to the shelves to Kihyun’s right and looks over them, eyes scanning every row and finger brushing past books spines, over woven titles and names. He picks one, and it’s a novel by Charlotte Brontë in English Kihyun has never heard about. It says something about the ‘professor’. Mr Chae opens it at what seems to be a random page and sits down on the couch, a maximum of thirty centimeters from Kihyun, and the younger can admire the way his eyes run over the lines, process the words and show reactions to events, and he wants to remember. Memorise the way the other man looks, the aura he radiates, and the things he makes Kihyun feel. He reaches for his phone, observes Mr Chae’s face once again, noting his absolute immersion in the book, and he snaps a picture. The other man doesn’t even bulge, and Kihyun smiles at his screen, because the picture is beautiful. Just like Mr Chae himself. 

Kihyun decides that he doesn’t want to disturb the peace of the other man and takes out his laptop to start working on the essay he was supposed to in his teacher’s classroom earlier today. He wants to be a good boy for such a nice cup of coffee, and he also doesn’t want to ruin Mr Chae’s tranquility, so working is the only thing he can do in this atmosphere. Maybe this pleasant calm surrounding helps him concentrate on the essay more, maybe this place has magic. 

Or maybe, if this café doesn’t, then Mr Chae’s gentle smile thrown in his direction definitely has some, and even a vague smudge of it in his peripheral vision can make Kihyun’s heart beat faster. 

 

They part ways in front of the café. Mr Chae goes back to college to get his car, and Kihyun’s path lies forward in the direction of an underground station. The other insists on walking him all the way to the tube but Kihyun assures him that he will be fine and that he doesn’t want to keep the man outside for too long. Mr Chae says it was a nice date and that he should come see him tomorrow after he is done with work, and turns around to leave with a smile tugging at his lips. Kihyun doesn’t move immediately, trying to process that fact that the other just called their time outside of college a date and that he enjoyed it. Mr Chae, the love of Kihyun’s life, said it to his face. 

He needs a few more moments before he can smile widely into the darkness of the evening and squeal just a tiny bit, very quietly, so he doesn’t scare any passers-by. He hops his way to the station and gets his phone out on the train, admiring the picture his took. Mr Chae’s head is lowered towards the open book on his lap, and his finger is holding a page open, and he looks so ethereally beautiful in the soft lighting and shelves filled with ancient books on the background, and Kihyun wants to share his happiness with the world. He has no other thoughts. He doesn’t care why Mr Chae did it, why he is he so nice and sweet all the time, why he talks so much about things he likes but never really himself. The only reason Kihyun knows the other is twenty-seven is because he counted it himself, and the university he graduated he remembers from the stories he told them in class the other day, and most of the things he knows about the men are from his Twitter or class stories that are never about his personal life. Maybe it’s too early. 

Early for what, though? No one said they would continue doing this thing they are doing. They met outside of classes a few times, but once Kihyun finishes all of his overdue essays, he will probably be let free. Who knows? Maybe he should just enjoy the moment as it is, post the picture and make it his lock screen. Which is exactly what he does, and once he presses ‘tweet’, the anxiety rushes over him again, because maybe Mr Chae will hate him for this. He doesn’t want Mr Chae to hate him, he wants his love and attention, but he is not going to get it, so he should just face the gruesome consequences of his actions. 

Kihyun texts Minhyuk for the rest of his ride home, and once he enters his apartment, the overwhelming sense of abandonment fills his chest. It’s not the surrounding he wants to see. He wonders if Mr Chae lives in a nice place, or whether he shares it with Mr Shin, whether he has pets, and if he does, what kind. Is he a cat or a dog person? Maybe he doesn’t like either. Maybe he has fish in aquarium or snakes in cages. 

His phone vibrates with a message from Mr Chae, and he replies immediately. He asks if Kihyun got home safely, and Kihyun smiles, because it’s lovely. Mr Chae is lovely, and he worries about Kihyun, and he likes his company – he just texted him that, he really did. But he said ‘company’, not ‘you’. Maybe he doesn’t like hanging out with him, maybe he just likes the fact that Kihyun is just a foolish boy who is in love with his teacher, and this fact somehow makes him feel superior and better about himself. Kihyun knows Mr Chae is not this type of person, but he asks how is Mr Shin doing anyways. He is petty. He can’t help it. 

But Kihyun immediately chokes on his noodles when Mr Chae replies saying he sees Mr Shin – to whom he referred to as ‘Hoseok’ and made Kihyun cringe – way too often at work and is not interested in his outside activities, even though they have been friends for many years now. He explicitly typed ‘friends’ – not ‘boyfriends’, not ‘lovers’, not anything else they could be. That’s nice. Maybe they aren’t dating and it’s all just Kihyun’s stupid jealousy and paranoia. Of course it’s all in his mind. 

Mr Chae has notifications on for him. Would a committed man really do such a thing? Kihyun is unbelievably confused. He doesn’t know anymore, he doesn’t understand, he is tired of guessing and being in this never-ending loop of doubt and hope. Mr Chae acts as if Kihyun is important, as if he matters, and he is affectionate. He bought him coffee and didn’t ask for anything in return. That’s cute. That’s sweet. And that’s not what a teacher would do to just an ordinary student. Right?

Kihyun wants to stop dreaming, wants to stop hoping, wants to stop encouraging himself, filling his chest with confidence and then crash it all like a piece of a biscuit. Mr Chae never asked to call him by his first name, never asked Kihyun about his crush on him, never even asked about how he found his Twitter. Kihyun wants to wail and pray, because he doesn’t know anymore. He doesn’t know what to do. He needs reassurance. He needs something. He needs Mr Chae, and he doesn’t know how can he possibly get something that’s impossible to get. 

He tweets a simple “i like you” and makes his account private, because there is nothing else he can do. He thinks about texting Mr Chae and telling him that personally, so that he can cut all ties and never face him anywhere else apart from his classes, but receives a tweet notification from the other man instead. 

‘I know.’

And it is acceptance. 

Kihyun smiles at his phone, because he knows it is indirected at him. There is a lock sign next to ‘Hyungwon’, and Kihyun falls on his bed lightheaded and with tears in his eyes, because maybe, just maybe, for the first time ever, the man he is in love with cares for him too.


	2. life during you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> progression chapter
> 
> thank you so much for reading!! kudos and comments are really appreciated!!

Kihyun comes into Mr Chae’s classroom earlier than agreed without an invitation. The other man is sitting in front of his laptop, face tired and a little bit annoyed. He doesn’t spare Kihyun a glance and continues scrolling. 

“Good afternoon, Mr Chae,” Kihyun says cheerfully, and when the other just hums in acknowledgement, his confidence level starts falling at rapid speed. Maybe Mr Chae didn’t mean to call it a date yesterday, maybe he was just being nice. Kihyun wants to sit quietly and silently admire the other man, but his face looks so good when he’s irritated, so fashion magazine cover-worthy, that Kihyun can’t contain the desire to see how much more screwed up it can get. It’s not every day you see Mr Chae refusing to be nice at least out of politeness. “Tough day?” Kihyun asks with a smile and sits down on the chair on the opposite side of the desk. 

Mr Chae grumbles something under his breath, and Kihyun decides it’s the most natural he has ever seen the other man act. He is always working, of course he gets stressed. It’s not Kihyun’s presence, it’s his own life.

Eventually Mr Chae gives up ignoring Kihyun and wipes his eyes with the tips of his fingers. He looks at the younger, inhales and tries to smile. “Good afternoon, Kihyun,” he says, and Kihyun shines. Mr Chae does a lot of things for him, he really does, and it makes him happy and confident, and he knows he can continue texting the other man like an edgy teenager without worrying about the other’s judgement. 

“Lots of work?” Kihyun asks and puts his elbows on the table, cupping his face and moving closer to Hyungwon. He likes keeping an eye contact with the other man, he can see the way the dim cold black coffee turns into warm thick hot chocolate, and the other man’s smile widens to reach his eyes.

“Indeed, lots of it,” Mr Chae glances around his desk with papers scattered everywhere, and sighs loudly. “I have to work today, unfortunately. But you can come – and you should, in fact – and silently sit next to me and work on your essay.” He slowly gets up.

Kihyun’s eyes widen and light up immediately, and he nods overenthusiastically. “Yes, gladly,” he blurts out fast in one breath, making Mr Chae chuckle, and gets up too to help gather the sheets of paper. 

Mr Chae wouldn’t just invite him to come along if he didn’t want it, Kihyun is sure. People don’t do that, and Kihyun is cute enough to be likeable. Perhaps, the other man likes him, maybe he really does, and when Kihyun looks up at the man in front of him, he sees the endearment and softness in his eyes, and knows he is the cause of it. It can’t be any other way.

 

Their quiet meeting is nice. Kihyun can’t quite call it a date if the other man doesn’t. They’re sitting in a different café this time, twenty minutes away in the opposite direction, and it looks a little bit posh. It’s filled with grown up adults working the evening away on their laptops and continuously writing something down in their notepads. Mr Chae fits in really well, in his black suit pants, his white shirt and a black cashmere sweater over it. He is so pretty. And such a gentleman, too. He holds a door for Kihyun, asks him where he wants to sit and pays for him, again. He can’t continue doing it, it’s just not right. Kihyun even wanted to refuse some nice offered food, but Mr Chae insisted and threatened he would order something of his taste again if Kihyun didn’t choose anything in the next ten seconds, so he tried to find the least expensive sandwich. Of course, it would be a lie if Kihyun said he didn’t enjoy it, but he doesn’t want to come off as a scum. It’s not the time yet.

“Can I pay next time?” Kihyun asks, smile cute and puppy eyes on full power.

Mr Chae briefly looks up at him from his papers and comes back to them immediately. “No.” It’s a stern, definite refusal, and Kihyun pouts. Well, as long as the other man doesn’t ask for all that money back, he is fine.

“What if you ask for all that money back one day?” Kihyun repeats his mental question, teasing but also genuinely wondering. He knows not to trust men who treat you so nicely for no reason. Even if it’s someone as amazing and nice as Mr Chae. 

“Kihyun, do I look like a person who would ask for the money he willingly spend on a person they’re taking out for a date, back?” Mr Chae asks, slight irritation audible in his strict voice. Kihyun swallows and tries not to gape, mind frozen with the word ‘date’ stuck on repeat in his low authoritative tone. Maybe the other wants to be intimidating and prevent Kihyun from arguing with him any further, but he makes the younger more excited instead. He is staring at Mr Chae, the man who took him for a date and paid for it, and can’t believe that this is real. The other raises his eyes again, smirking invisibly with the corner of his mouth, and looks back down at his papers, “Good.”

Mr Chae is a fucking wet dream, Kihyun’s perfect man, if anyone asks him. He has excited shivers running down his spine when the other’s voice grows deeper and colder when he cuts Kihyun off with one word. He can’t help but imagine the same voice breathing into his ear when he’s bent down over Mr Chae’s desk, the other’s hot whispering tickling his skin and hands exploring and exploring. Kihyun wants him to tug at his hair and bite his skin, making him hiss and swear, because it’s how he likes it. He wants to know whether Mr Chae can be rough with him when he needs him to be. Though, Kihyun may be a baby in the other’s eyes, sweet and cute. A sugar baby. Mr Chae could be rich and have a thing for younger boys, but Kihyun is an adult and he is definitely not sweet. Not when he doesn’t aim to be one. Kihyun doesn’t want a daddy to pay for his college tuition; he wants a boyfriend in the face of Mr Chae who can go on until Kihyun cries. He wants Mr Chae who treats him like a princess but doesn’t consider him to be one. Gosh, the other man is so hot. Kihyun can only hope he is perfect enough to complete every single one of his bed fantasies.

Kihyun feels his nerves melting in the pit of his stomach, and he has to drag himself out of his mind back to the café and food that has been served, because popping a boner in public next to his crush isn’t something he considers appropriate to do. He is not a hormonal teenager. Even if Mr Chae makes him feel like one. 

 

Mr Chae walks him all the way to the underground station and apologises for being too busy and irritated today. Kihyun marvels at the other man’s sense of dignity, because he didn’t have to apologise at all. Mr Chae leaves with a ‘I will text you’, and Kihyun is left alone admiring the back of his description of a perfect man. 

When he gets home and takes off his jacket and his shoes, he finally lets go. He goes to his bedroom, glooming at how empty it is without another body next to him, and throws his pants with his hoodie, staying in a stretched out t-shirt. Mr Chae’s clothes must be bigger than Kihyun’s, considering their height difference, and he wants to put them on, smell them, rub them on his skin. But he can’t, so instead he goes to the bathroom and turns on the shower, suddenly frustrated and unable to concentrate on anything else apart from the urgent desire to get off. Mr Chae really gets him in his feelings. 

He takes off the rest of his clothes and gets into the shower, turning the water just a little bit hotter. He presses one hand against the wall and imagines Mr Chae’s pretty and huge compared to Kihyun’s hands settling at both sides of him, one right next to his, and he marvels at the difference. He wraps his free fingers around his hardening cock and gives it a few strokes. Mr Chae’s hand would be amazing on it instead of his own, he’d hold it tight, strokes slow and almost painful without the lube, and the hot water doesn’t make it easier, and Kihyun breathes harder at the hard touch of Mr Chae’s gentle palms, the way the would cup his balls and grip strongly at the base to make Kihyun hiss and demand to keep moving, but the man would instead let his mouth explore the back of Kihyun’s neck, his shoulders, his spine, release his balls and grope his ass instead, and Kihyun moves his own hands over his chest, plays with both nipple, feeling the sensation flow to his cock, and strokes down to his stomach, grabs the soft sides, scratches his hips and squeeze his ass cheeks, and he knows Mr Chae’s hands would be a perfect substitute to his own. 

He wants to edge himself, make everything torturous just how he wants Mr Chae to do it to him. He jerks off fast, moving over the tip, the other hand circling his nipples in order, and he imagines Mr Chae naked, next to him, hoarsely moaning into his ear and gripping his hair, and he probably has a big cock, and Kihyun wants it. He wants to kiss Mr Chae’s bare torso as he uses his both hands to help the other man, and he hears the slick sound that he doubles in his head, and Mr Chae’s rhythmic thrusts in his hands make him go faster, and when he’s close he doesn’t have the strength to let go, he exhales tiny moans as the pleasure makes him lose his rhythm and he twitches and shakes when he comes, and it’s good, because he still has Mr Chae on his mind and Mr Chae makes him overly sexually driven. And he doesn’t want it to end, he wants to go crazy with a vibrator attached to his oversensitive cock, but he has no one to control his willing tortures, and he sulks. The naked body of the other man disappears and Kihyun calms down. He misses Mr Chae immediately. 

When Kihyun washes himself and gets out, enjoying the nice smell of his shower gel spreading into his bedroom, he checks his phone to see a message from his teacher. He is busy tomorrow and has to stay for the evening lectures so they won’t be able to meet. It’s fine. They’ll meet the day after. It’s fine, even if it’s in more than twenty-four hours.

Kihyun fucks early sleep and goes for the second round, desperate to have something in his ass.

 

Kihyun has been texting Mr Chae like crazy for the past two days, talking about unimportant stuff and vaguely important stuff. Kihyun also notices weird looks Mr Shin is giving them throughout their entire class, and wonders if it has anything to do with him and Mr Chae. He doesn’t even know what it is. Are they going out? Are they going on dates? What is it, he doesn’t know. Does Mr Shin know? Does Mr Chae tell him everything? They’re best friends, if he can trust the man’s words, and they probably talk about their personal life a lot. Kihyun should text Minhyuk too, they haven’t talked for a while. Is Minhyuk’s exam going well? Has he gotten on with that gym coach? Kihyun should ask. 

But not today, because today he is going to the cinema with Mr Chae, and his heart is beating fast. He even dressed especially nicely today, they both did. Mr Chae took off his tie, remaining in just his tight black jeans and a white shirt, with a nicely fitted navy blazer that highlights his waist. His Oxfords look cool as fuck too. Mr Chae is gorgeous, and Kihyun is self-conscious. He can’t just have a crush and be happy. He has to trouble himself with something, and seems like this time it will be an annoyingly self-aware attitude towards himself. It’s impossible not to get insecure when it’s Mr Chae taking him out, and Mr Chae looks unbelievably good. His has such nice skinny legs. They’re so long and they curve so nicely from his knee, and even his knees look incredibly nice too when the man sits, and they bend at such a perfect angle. Kihyun wants to take his drumsticks and make a beat on his knees. 

He really wants to look nice for Mr Chae too, and so he says it’s okay if the other man walks at the speed he is comfortable with, because Kihyun can catch up. He is half-jogging but it’s okay. At least they get to the other’s car faster.

“I parked it further today, so we have to walk,” Mr Chae informs, and they keep walking. He never mentions the fact that there is a reason they have to be very discreet. He never mentions that the reason he parked his car further from the college is because a teacher shouldn’t be seen getting into his car together with his student, or that they probably should be careful about cafés they choose in case someone from college sees them and thinks something they shouldn’t. They technically wouldn’t be wrong – they are on a date. Kihyun can only accept that statement when Mr Chae says it first, and he just so casually calls their ride to the cinema a ‘cinema date’. It’s obnoxiously cute. 

Mr Chae’s car is nice. It’s Mercedes, and it’s clean, black and fancy, even though the salon could use some sorting out, with random folders and snacks being scattered all over the backseat. Maybe Kihyun can clean it at some point in the future.

They decide to watch ‘The Shape of Water’ because everyone is watching it and they go with the flow. Mr Chae buys the tickets, and Kihyun is panicking.

“Wait,” he wants to call him by his surname but people around him might think that it’s weird to call someone ‘mister’ if they go to the cinema together. So he bites on his tongue and continues, “I can pay for my ticket, it’s okay.”

Mr Chae gives him a look, the one full of weird contempt and regret. “No,” he says firmly and inserts his credit card in. Kihyun wants to whine but doesn’t want to seem like a baby. Fine, he’ll let Mr Chae pay for him again. 

The film starts in twenty minutes, which means they have time to get their drinks and snacks and sit down, which is exactly what they do, except Kihyun suddenly doesn’t want popcorn. Mr Chae gives him a questioning look.

“I had food before, I don’t think a bag of popcorn can fit into my stomach,” Kihyun reassures, rubbing his belly for the effect, and Mr Chae makes a funny sad expression turning the corners of his mouth down and jutting his lower lip forward. 

“I won’t be able to finish a whole box on my own.” Mr Chae thinks for a bit, and as Kihyun wants to tell him that he can, in fact, buy a small one, the other man just shrugs and gets medium one. Maybe he’s not as clever as Kihyun considers him to be. 

They sit down at the table near the selling counter, and Mr Chae gulps half of his coke down, while Kihyun is watching him with a bottle of water pressed to his lips. Mr Chae is pretty dumb when he is out of work. It’s a funny thought, because in all their previous dates the other man flooded him with an unnecessary load of undoubtedly interesting intellectual information. Maybe he is tired and his brain has exploded from overworking the other day. Maybe he is finally getting comfortable.

“So, Mr Chae—“ Kihyun starts but is interrupted by the other man’s loud humming around the straw in his mouth. He waits for him to swallow his drink with a confused expression.

“Hyungwon,” Mr Chae says, and Kihyun is dumbfounded. No, it’s not. 

“But—“ he wants to protest.

“No, outside of college, please, call me Hyungwon, Kihyun.” The other man is firm about his statement and he looks at Kihyun expectantly. Kihyun blinks in confusion. He can’t, it’s weird. Mr Chae in class and Mr Chae in front of his is the same person, he can’t refer to him differently. Or maybe, he can but just doesn’t want to. Kihyun smirks when the realisation hits him.

“Don’t you like it when I call you sir, Mr Chae?” Kihyun smiles innocently and flatters his lashes, trying to keep an eye contact with the other man. His heart is beating fast because it’s terrifying – flirting and not hitting it on spot. Maybe Mr Chae doesn’t like it. But would he freeze on the spot if the ambiguous question didn’t affect him even a tiny bit?

“No,” he says, tone cold, but Kihyun knows the man is bluffing. 

“Oh, you like it, sir,” Kihyun smiles to reveal his teeth and he licks over them in anticipation for the other’s next words or actions. Kihyun knows how to be sexy, he can make his men like what they never expected to enjoy, but if it’s Mr Chae’s secret kink, Kihyun will make sure to take the most out of it. He loves driving people insane when they think they have the power, but really, Kihyun is good at abusing it right. He may not be good at ordinary social interactions, but oh, was he amazing at seducing. 

“No, Kihyun, I just want you to call me by my first name when we’re outside of college.” Mr Chae tries to sound harsh with his usual tone that doesn’t accept any rejection, but something deep in his throat wavers and gives a weakness. Kihyun’s face is about to break from how hard he is grinning. 

“Oh, my god, sir,” he makes a fake surprised expression, “does it turn you on?” he half whispers, opening his mouth wide in a staged astonishment, but his eyes are sparkling with mirth. Mr Chae’s, on the other hand, are terrifyingly cold. Or is it fear?

“No, Kihyun, would you shut up now?” the man resists the urge to break the eye contact, and his squeezes his hands tightly into fists. 

Kihyun gasps dramatically and covers his mouth in exaggerated surprise, “Are you blushing, Mr Chae?” Kihyun adds notes of shock to his voice, and it’s in this moment that something in the other man snaps. He reaches across the table to grab Kihyun by his wrist and pull him towards himself, making the younger jump off the chair involuntarily. He then presses his palm to his cheek. Gosh, it’s such a soft cheek. And as Kihyun imagined, his small hand barely cups it as a whole, but he can’t even think about it, the contact making his heart skip a beat. It’s the first time he ever touched the other man’s skin. It’s so smooth. And so, so soft. And he can’t even complain on the pain around his wrist.

“Does it look like I’m blushing?” Mr Chae asks, eyes darker than black coffee and voice bordering on angry. His cheek is normal temperature though. He has an insane amount of self-control, Kihyun thinks, because none of the threats in his gaze are real. He is sure he hit it right on spot. Mr Chae loves being a sir to Kihyun, and Kihyun will make him weak. 

“No, not anymore,” he quietly says and caresses Mr Chae’s cheek with his thumb, “but…” he chews on his bottom lip, face innocent and deceptively repentant. He suddenly smirks and moves closer. He is so close he barely resists the urge to kiss him. “You like it, sir.” Kihyun grins widely, and Mr Chae lets go of his wrist, and the younger plops back down onto his chair. The feeling of victory overflows him and he drinks his water, eyes fixed on the other’s disgruntled face as he wraps his lips around the straw again and drinks his coke, ignoring Kihyun completely. 

It’s only after he checks the time and signs that it’s time to go to the theatre hall, that Mr Chae spares Kihyun a glance and the corner of his mouth twitches in an ominous smile. “Look at you, being all confident and bashing me for no reason, when you can’t even close your mouth when you stare at me.” With that the other man gets up and Kihyun looks down to see drops of water running down his chin and falling on the surface of the table, and he nearly chokes on the gulp in his mouth. He wipes his chin quickly and gets up to catch up with the other man, and he feels his cheeks burning hot. 

The film session is good but it isn’t exciting. They sit on the back row and exchange remarks and criticism, but nothing really happens. Kihyun doesn’t know what he expects; clearly, Mr Chae doesn’t like being cliché and prefers to do everything in his own ways, but it’s frustrating. Kihyun can’t even sit calmly because he wants something, but he can’t ask for it. Especially not when there is a creepy, human-looking green creature gurgling and running around on the big screen. 

It takes Mr Chae until the implicit sex scene to make Kihyun nearly jump out of his seat. He feels the other man’s fingertips caressing his way down Kihyun’s forearm that’s settled on the armrest of his seat, to the back of his wrist and hand, and Kihyun is ticklish. His breath hitches, but all Mr Chae does is gently circle his knuckles, play with the ring on his middle finger, and use all of four fingers to slide down Kihyun’s hand to the tips and back up, to the bone of his wrist and further up, to the inside of his elbow. Kihyun shouldn’t have taken his cardigan off and stay in a t-shirt. He feels even hotter now, because Mr Chae is encouraging bodily contact and Kihyun is suddenly not ready for it. He shudders when the other strokes his way down particularly lightly, and Mr Chae retrieves his hand. Kihyun can’t see his face, but he sure feels a questioning gaze somewhere on his temple. 

He slowly turns his hand to lie on the armrest with the back of it, palm open and asking. Mr Chae caresses the inside of his arm, slowly moving down to his wrist and hesitating where his palm begins. He then feels the other’s hand slowly sliding down, fingers finding himself in between his own, and his big hand falls flat over Kihyun’s small. Mr Chae bends his fingers slightly, as if unsure whether it’s something he can do and asking Kihyun to let him do it, and Kihyun intertwines their fingers himself. He squeezes his hand lightly, vaguely aware of his palm sweating and probably disturbing Mr Chae’s skin sensitivity, but he receives a squeeze back and sighs with relief. He didn’t even notice his heartbeat increasing. He is holding hands with Mr Chae, the man of his dreams and the love of his life, and he bites his lip in an unexplainable excitement. He possibly hears the other man breathing out a chuckle but his own breathing is too loud to pay attention to anything around him apart from the warmth of the other man in his hand. 

 

They exit the cinema, and Kihyun is about to say his sorrowful goodbyes when Mr Chae tugs at his sleeve and leads him to the driveway. Kihyun learned that they live in the opposite directions and that it’s easier if he gets home on his own, but looks like the other man had different plans.

“I will call you a cab,” Mr Chae decidedly says and types something on his phone.

Kihyun waves his hands violently and nearly shouts, “No, please, you’re paying too much for me already—“

“Kihyun,” Mr Chae sternly cuts him off and inhales loudly. Kihyun expects a lecture on how he is just a jobless students and he should let a real adult pay for him, but the other man hesitates and bites on the inside of his cheek in thought. He wonders what he is thinking about. “I like it,” Mr Chae softly says and fidgets with the his phone case, detaching the sides and putting them back on, “I like how it’s going. I want to take it slow and treat you however much I can. And if you decide it is not something you want,” he smiles slightly and shrugs, “at least I’ve had my fair share of happy moments with you.”

Kihyun would’ve never thought the other was a romantic, and he would laugh at his hesitation if it were anyone but Mr Chae. But he was touched beyond belief. He doesn’t really have anything to say because… he just wanted to hear something personal from the other man’s mouth directly for long enough, and now that he has a piece of his heart, he doesn’t know what to do. Mr Chae mumbles something along the lines of ‘what’s your address’ and Kihyun replies before growing silent again. He doesn’t let his insecurity and paranoia cloud his mind again, so he smiles and looks down, suddenly shy but unbelievably happy. 

“I like it too,” he looks up and bites on his lower lip, “Mr Chae.”

The other man cries out a painful growl and covers his distorted in regret face with his hand, “Oh, god, no, not again, why!” he complains and wails to the sky, and Kihyun finds the right timing to get on his tiptoes, reaching the other man’s face, and lightly peck him on his cheek. Mr Chae freezes and calms down immediately, looking down at Kihyun with an obvious surprise written all over his face.

Kihyun blushes but gets enough courage to speak up, “I like it, and you too. Just take however long you need to be confident in me,” he shrugs. Saying words of encouragement is hard.

Mr Chae looks like he wants to say something in return but hesitates, biting on the inside of his lip and fingers tapping a rhythm on the back of his phone case. He looks at Kihyun with a gentle admiration, and his shoulders rise with each breath he takes. He wants to say something, he does, but he doesn’t do it. 

“What is it?” Kihyun asks softly, smile still in place. 

“No, nothing,” Mr Chae says and gets out of his trance with a slight shake of his head. “There’s your cab,” he looks onto the road, and a car approaches them. Mr Chae opens the passenger’s door for him, like the gentleman he is, and Kihyun gets in with a smile. “I will see you tomorrow.” Mr Chae smiles back and closes the door. The car moves, and Kihyun twists around to look out of the back window, and Mr Chae is still standing there, seeing Kihyun off until he is too far. Kihyun misses him immediately.

He gets home, tweets an indirect thank you to Mr Chae and gets ready for bed. He loves the other man, he really does. Loves his diverse personality and his unnecessary extensive knowledge, his smile that’s nicer than all the things nice and his hair, his fashion sense and his preference in poetry. He is grateful for him, because he accepts his emotions and gives the same warmth back. He spoke about his feelings out loud today for the first time ever. He told Kihyun that it was okay. They will figure it out. He told him to call him by his first name and initiated skinship. Gosh, he held his hand. Kihyun was right – his hand fit in just right. He never wants to let go. He is so in love he doesn’t know what to do with it, he isn’t used to be receiving so much in return. Maybe, just maybe, Mr Chae makes him cry. Kihyun hugs his pillow and wants the other man’s body here instead, but he can’t have it all. Hyungwon. It feels good on his tongue, the name. Hyungwon. Maybe one day he’ll say it out loud, with all the love his has to offer. But for now he can only text his loved one a good night and sleep, hoping that tomorrow will bring more. 

 

Kihyun’s morning is okay. He starts his routine: wakes up, goes to the bathroom, showers, brushes his teeth, washes his face, gets dressed, makes breakfast, sits down with food in front of him and opens his Twitter. Minhyuk hasn’t been active for a whole day yesterday, he only texted him after seeing Kihyun’s tweet about their cinema date with Mr Chae, and that was it. But this morning is strange. It’s somehow different. Minhyuk doesn’t usually tweet something equivocal and leaves his phone just like that, he always replies to Kihyun’s messages, especially when Kihyun is confused, because he doesn’t want his best friend to get a wrong idea, even though this wrong idea is usually the right idea. But if Minhyuk is implying something with curious eyes emojis – means something came up. Or came, whatever other connotations the word brings. Maybe it’s the gym coach Minhyuk has been crushing on for months now. Maybe it’s a cute new transfer student who sits next to him in Theory of Art, or maybe it’s someone from the dating app. Kihyun wants to know, but his best friend is a bastard, so he finishes his breakfast in frustration and goes to college. 

The next thing that gives him a weird vibe is the unexcused absence of Mr Shin. This man hates leaving his students uneducated for more than ten minutes, it’s not like him to be late to class for a whole twelve. When everyone is about to leave, Mr Chae storms into the auditorium and thuds his bag on the table, face visibly irritated and nerves on fire. He looks so nice today: blue jeans, white shirt, walked into the room he knew he made Kihyun’s eyes burn – however the song goes. He is wearing another navy blazer, but this time it’s not satin, it’s tweed and it looks a little bit old-fashioned. Kihyun wonders what made Mr Chae so angry but doesn’t even have the time to get his phone out when his teacher’s loud voice breaks the class confusion. 

“Mr Shin is absent for today. Unfortunately, there is no one more fitting to replace him for this class, so your task is to finish the essay he gave you to complete by tomorrow. Use this time wisely, if you have any questions, I might be of use however little I can do.” With that he sits by the desk and sighs loudly. He looks around the room and when his gaze meets Kihyun’s, the younger smiles, and he gives tiny smile back. Just to him, exclusively. Mr Chae immediately lowers his head and looks at his phone, thumbs typing something furiously. Kihyun has an idea in mind. 

He fucks his Mr Shin essay and gets out his phone too, immediately opening the other man’s contact. He asks him why his other teacher hasn’t appeared and observes his face exactly at the moment he receives the message. Frustrated Mr Chae was a sight worth of thousands of pictures taken and a whole exhibition opened just for his angered face. His eyebrows are perfectly furrowed, and his eyes form a peculiar angular shape as they widened but have the resistance of the frown to prevent them from blowing out of proportion, and his top lip curves upwards in disgust. It’s a funny sight, but it’s also hot as fuck. Kihyun can think of all the naughty things he can do so rile the other man up just to get him frustrated. Such as talk back to him.

What he doesn’t expect is Mr Chae giving him a cold stare and proceeding to ignore him. Kihyun smirks and goes to his photo gallery. He picks a low quality, zoomed in picture of Mr Chae in class he secretly took last week, and sends it to the other man. Kihyun can see the way the other man’s eyebrows twitch and how he is trying to seem apathetic, but Kihyun knows he hit it right on the spot. Mr Chae locks his phone and turns to his laptop. That’s it. Kihyun is left neglected but happy as fuck at his successful teasing. 

 

It’s only after his lunch break that Kihyun realises what feels so wrong today. The absence of both of their best friends. He can’t talk to Mr Chae as the other has a class, and he can’t reach out to Minhyuk, and Mr Shin isn’t in college, and he doesn’t know what to do. He finds an isolated place in the library and goes on stalking Interstellar activities, simply because there is nothing left for him to do. He can technically messages Mr Chae and entertain himself with the other’s angry texting, laughing at how he still keeps proper punctuation even through emotions burning in his fingertips, and it’s exciting. Making the man lose his composure is Kihyun’s now favourite hobby, he seems surprisingly good at it. Mr Chae lets him, he lets him get on his nerves, and when Kihyun gets too unbearable, he snaps and does something that makes Kihyun want to squirm. The other brings out his worst kinks, Kihyun notices, and slaps his cheeks lightly to get back to reality. He has to get soft.

He looks down at his hand and traces a blue vein with his fingertips, remembering how Mr Chae did it last night. He held hands with the man he loves, and it’s the most romantic thing he has ever done. He wants to hold him whole, and wants the other to hold him back, press him tight against his chest and stroke his hair. Kihyun brushes past his shaved sides and ruffles his long bangs, and Mr Chae’s fingers would feel amazing tangled in his locks. Gosh, he loves having someone tugging at his hair with just enough roughness, lightly enough to make Kihyun moan, hardly enough to make him hiss. Seems like no matter what Mr Chae does, Kihyun will always find something sexual about his simple actions. He is unbelievably in love.

He whips his head when his phone vibrates with a notification from Twitter. Minhyuk replied. Kihyun grabs his phone and opens the app with inhuman speed, catching his best friend immediately. He texts him and gets a reply, and he suddenly doesn’t really know what to talk about. He needs to ask Minhyuk why has he been so inactive, but really, Kihyun hasn’t texted him much either. He was so busy being infatuated by Mr Chae that he forgot that maybe his best friend had something important going on in his life too. Hopefully Minhyuk tells him. 

He does, and frankly, it’s something Kihyun expected. Minhyuk finally has a boyfriend, and it’s the most amazing news he has heard in the past week, and Kihyun is happy. Salty, but happy. Minhyuk knows how to get people going, he can slide his way into someone’s life and stay there like a hermit, and he is so annoying and attractive that it’s impossible not to pay him attention. Kihyun may be jealous, but his friend’s happiness is more important to him. He guesses it’s the guy from the gym – Minhyuk has been thirsting over him for months now, and knowing his determination, he probably got what he desired. If only Kihyun can be like this too, but his own target is a little too slow. Damn you, Mr Chae, he curses, and is about to tell Minhyuk his news when his friend types something else. He waits. And this is definitely not what he has ever expected someone telling him. 

‘a three way relationship..’ Minhyuk’s message says, and Kihyun gasps. 

Minhyuk can’t possibly be that attractive to get himself two boyfriends. It’s cool, surely, but something just doesn’t seem right about it. Kihyun is in no position to judge, but Minhyuk would sure as hell tell him if he has a relationship dilemma. 

‘and one of them is ur classics teacher’, Minhyuk’s new message says, and Kihyun chokes on his spit. 

Kihyun feels panic rising in his chest, because relationship drama is something he never quite likes to be part of. Especially if they involve two absolutely different sides of his societal surrounding. No, this makes no sense, nothing makes sense. Mr Shin?

Kihyun imagines his teacher and his best friend together, and his mind short-circuits, because that’s impossible. There is no way they could cross their paths, no way they wouldn’t know that they have Kihyun as their acquaintance, and absolutely definitely no way they could keep this stuff a secret.

Yet, somehow, they did. 

He texts Mr Chae, confused, lost and terrified, and the other literally send the same exact message a second later. Their best friends are dating each other’s best friends. Kihyun feels his panic subside when he knows he can share his worries with the other man, and he makes him feel calm. Mr Chae is a smart man, and Kihyun is grateful for his gift for explaining things. Of course their friends met through the gym coach. Seems like despite the eight years difference, they are extremely similar in their preferences in men, and Kihyun is happy he figured out Mr Shin was gay before everything happened. No, Kihyun is still scared. 

For Minhyuk, primarily. He is a sensitive guy, he is hotheaded and makes rush decisions, and even though it’s impossible to manipulate him, it’s damn easy to break him when he catches feelings. He hopes Mr Shin is a good man. He probably is, considering he is friends with Mr Chae, but is he a good lover too? Maybe it’s a prank. No, it can’t be a prank, because Mr Chae is facing exactly the same situation. Kihyun wants to groan and smash his head on the table but he is in the library and has to keep quiet. He wants to see Mr Chae, he knows he can make him calm down. He wants to talk to him, he needs him here, because right now Kihyun is too overwhelmed to be alone. 

Does it mean they’ll go on double dates? Or whatever their dates can possibly be, considering Minhyuk is dating two older men and Kihyun is… well, trying to sort out whatever is going on with him and Mr Chae. He hopes he can sort it out. The other man gave him enough confidence that maybe, just maybe, things will actually work out and Kihyun won’t have to feel miserable anymore. He rants to Mr Chae about his feelings in a text, and feels at ease finally opening up to the other man. He knows about Kihyun’s feelings and he accepts them, and it’s so, so important to Kihyun. He wants to cry but he is public and has to restrict himself. God, he is so in love, and he is so confused, and he is so scared, but Mr Chae can calm him down with one simple text. 

‘I don’t think there is anything that can change my mind about you.’

Maybe his ways of affection aren’t the easiest to understand, but Kihyun gets them, and they give him reassurance. He can’t believe any of it is real. He has been crushing on his teacher for so long, and suddenly he is meeting him for another date, because Mr Chae possibly admits to like him too. Kihyun lets a tear slip and he wipes his face immediately. His heart is so full. It’s filled with so much tenderness the other man gives him, and he is so glad he is alive. He deserves all the good things Mr Chae gifts him, and he can’t reject them anymore. He is so unsure in his own worth he is scared it might shatter at any moment, but with every text the other man sends him he grows more and more confident, and he can’t do this anymore, he needs the other man, he needs him now, and he just wants a simple smile to know that everything is going to be fine. 

He wants to accept him, just how the other accepted him too.

‘hyungwon’

Kihyun calls him by his first name and he breathes in new air. He changes his contact name, and it’s so real. The other replies with a thank you, and Kihyun wants to cry, weep, wail. Hyungwon, he likes Kihyun. He just knows he does, and it feels so right to say it. Hyungwon. Hyungwon, Hyungwon, Hyungwon. 

Kihyun jumps up from his seat and storms out of the library. He wants to say it out loud, right into the other man’s face, and feel the happiness flow through his body at such a simple word. A word that collects all of Kihyun’s love in it. Hyungwon. 

 

They go to some fancy-looking restaurant, and the other man insists on paying again. Kihyun doesn’t have the strength to argue. They talk about Minhyuk and Mr Shin and share pieces of information they heard about the mysterious gym coach who brought their best friends together. His name is Hyunwoo, and he is fit. Mr Chae encourages Kihyun to follow Mr Shin on Twitter, and Kihyun nearly chokes on his salad. No, this is not something that’s going to happen. He never even talked to his classics teacher outside of classes. He also never got the chance to call Mr Chae by his first name yet. 

And it’s such a pity, really. Kihyun has been unable to refer the other man at all this entire date, and Mr Chae seems hopeful. His eyes smile on their own whenever the younger does anything remotely funny or cute, and Kihyun blushes, and laughs, and shies away, but sometimes Mr Chae smirks a little bit too noticeably and cracks ambiguously inappropriate jokes, and Kihyun flirts back. He didn’t even realise how familiar he has gotten with the whole thing they have. Is it even a thing? Is it leading to something? Kihyun knows at the back of his mind that essentially, yes, it is leading to something in the end, but will this end actually begin? Kihyun has more questions than answers, and Mr Chae is not helpful. Well, he himself doesn’t save the situation either, because he still makes the other man sigh in disappointment every time he calls him Mr Chae. Kihyun can’t help it, he can’t, even though it’s all in his hands to make it work. 

They finish eating, Mr Chae pays and they leave with their stomachs full and minds slightly more sorted. Well, Kihyun is still hungry and his thoughts are still a mess, but at least the man he loves is by his side, and it’s okay. He automatically works towards the nearest underground station, and Mr Chae follows, side-by-side, close enough for their arms to brush past each other. 

“You’re not going to get your car?” Kihyun asks, surprised. 

Mr Chae smiles and shakes his head, “I know it’s late, but I want to spend more time with you.” And he presses the back of his hand to Kihyun’s, knuckles brushing his skin slightly, as if asking for permission. Kihyun is unsure – they are in public, and although it’s dark, it’s risky as fuck. And as if sensing the younger’s hesitation, Mr Chae sighs and holds his hand, intertwining their fingers that fit right in despite the size difference, and brings Kihyun even closer to hide their hands in his massive coat pocket. It’s warm and it’s cute. Gosh, how can one man be so cute while acting like he owns the entire world in his palms? Kihyun clicks his tongue and tries to contain a smile, but Mr Chae shoves his shoulder lightly and smiles too. They probably look obnoxiously happy from the side. They can feel even happier if only Kihyun has the courage to really allow himself to let it in. 

They get to the station and they know they have to part ways. Kihyun closes his eyes for one second and breathes in. He can do it. “Thank you for the date,” and he looks the other man in the eyes, glassy from the cold, and streetlights reflecting in the big dark orbs, and they are hopeful, and Kihyun can’t let the sparkle die, “Hyungwon.” 

And it feels so easy saying it out loud, with his own voice, letters rolling off his tongue and lips forming the exact sound he needs to compose the name of the man he loves. And suddenly it’s just a normal, handsome, sweet, twenty-seven year old man in front of him, who loves literature and evening walks. He is not an unreachable star from the other dimension, he is not a cartoon prince who isn’t even real in the first place, he is not a deity, or a celebrity, or an image from his head. He is not his teacher who seemed so unbelievably far just a mere week ago. He is just Hyungwon, the man he loves and the man who takes him out on dates to get to know him better. It’s normal. It’s acceptable. And maybe not by laws, or stupid college policies, or this broken society, but between them, it’s good. Kihyun is not just a student, and Hyungwon is not just a teacher hiding behind the mask of a mysterious Mr Chae Kihyun created for himself. Kihyun is Kihyun, and Hyungwon is Hyungwon, and they look at each other like their whole world only revolves between the two of them. 

Hyungwon smiles and puts a hand on his shoulder, going down and trying to gently grip is arm through the layers of clothing, and he sighs with a susceptible smile, letting go and nodding. “Good night, Kihyun,” he says softly and longingly, like tomorrow is too far away, like seeing Kihyun again is too far away. 

“Good night, Hyungwon,” Kihyun replies in the same soft voice, and Hyungwon leaves. The younger watches him, like he always does, and this time the other turns out fully, walking backwards, hands in his pockets and a tiny pouty smile on his face. Kihyun smiles and waves, hoping Hyungwon doesn’t bump into anything walking like that, and the older waves back, before turning around again and leaving for good. Kihyun waits until he disappears into the dark, and descends into the underground. 

 

Minhyuk posts pictures of his boyfriends, and Kihyun explodes. This is Mr Shin on his best friend’s Twitter with two hundred-something followers, and it’s weird. He might have come to terms with the fact that it was a real relationship yesterday, but seeing a whole ass visual proof early in the morning wasn’t part of his plan. Good thing Mr Shin doesn’t follow his private – it will cause even more awkwardness between them. His classics teacher will probably freak out too if he sees Mr Chae on his student’s Twitter. 

Oh, right. 

It’s Hyungwon now.

Kihyun suddenly smiles widely, and a sense of euphoria fills his chest. He is finally on terms with the other man’s feelings that crossed the line of potential. He hopes Hyungwon can finally be a bit more open about what he really wants, otherwise Kihyun has to take the matter into his own hands. And if he does, it’s all over for Mr Chae. 

He texts the other, still shaken from yesterday’s news. Hyungwon is calm, because he is always calm, and Kihyun is calming down too. They’re doing great, the two of them, they really are. Perhaps, Kihyun is still a little bit too hesitant and shy when it comes to proper confessions, but Hyungwon doesn’t say them at all, so maybe it’s okay. It’s pretty obvious when they look at each other, so he can live with just that for now. 

What he can’t, however, live with, is the fact that Minhyuk has two boyfriends to keep him company at night, and Kihyun can’t even hold Hyungwon’s hand freely without millions of doubts running through his hand. Maybe he should fix this situation on his own. Maybe he should take the matter into his own hands and make himself Hyungwon’s by unwritten, but spoken law. Maybe he should just confess like a normal human being and ask the other man out properly. 

Kihyun gets dressed in his best tight pants, because, even though his thighs may be little too chunky, he has a nice butt. Kihyun should really just shut up and act on things he knows he is good at, which is making himself look really fucking nice. 

He puts on a shirt and goes to the bathroom. He brushes his hair and applies tons of hair gel to slick them back and fix them in that position. His forehead is nice too, and it’s not a bad thing to let his pores breathe sometimes. His shaved sides have grown a little bit though, he should go to a hairdresser when he has some free time, but seems like he has no free time at all considering the amount of college work and Mr Chae dilemmas he has on his mind. His hair still looks good though. 

He does full face makeup, paying particular attention to the choice of eye shadow and drawing eye liner with the thinnest brush in the corners. Going with full black eyeliner is too extreme, considering the judgemental herd mentality of his college, and a feeling of doubt and anxiety passes through his mind, but he ignores it and continues filling in his eyebrows. Hyungwon has such nice eyebrows, they are perfectly shaped and are thick enough to be visible without any extra makeup, and Kihyun is jealous, but it’s all right. He isn’t bad himself. 

He finishes everything the sparkly white highlighter he bought the other day and a thin choker around his neck, and he is confident. He’s done a fantastic job, and he sure as hell can take a selfie for himself. He hopes Hyungwon recognises his effort to woo him and holds his hand again today. Then Kihyun can lean closer and take his second hand in his and, ‘be my boyfriend’, and they’ll make out, because it’s what happens in all romance films and fiction. 

Kihyun’s life isn’t a film though, and he starts to lose his composure the more people stare at him. Seems like a change from his usual appearance is pretty drastic for everyone else, which is not something Kihyun understands. What’s so unusual? He does makeup when he goes clubbing with Minhyuk, and they both usually look hot enough to attract interested gazes, but this doesn’t seem to be the case now. His groupmates are annoying judgemental shits. They probably vote for the conservative party, too.

What reassures Kihyun is Mr Chae’s late appearance for the class and his incredibly well fit jacket with a thin black silk shirt underneath. His hair is parted to the sides, and he looks way too good for the world. What else reassures Kihyun is the lingering gaze Mr Chae gives him when he scans the auditorium, and he can barely contain his smile. Kihyun thinks he sees surprise and approval in the other man’s eyes, and a tiny smile eventually breaks his face a little. They really can’t do this in public. 

Kihyun stays in college until Hyungwon’s last lecture. He is nervous, because he doesn’t quite know what to expect. They both look especially good today, maybe they have some telepathic powers and their thoughts and desires unconsciously synchronise? Does Hyungwon wants to call Kihyun his full-time boyfriend too? That would be amazing, it really would be, but seems like neither of them can catalyse the process of relationship development. They definitely moved on from their first date, but it’s Hyungwon who takes the initiative for the most part, and Kihyun can only follow. 

He just doesn’t know what he is scared of. Rejection? Unlikely, considering that Hyungwon was the one to hold his hand first. Not being good enough? He can deal with that. He’s been swallowing his insecurities for years, he is capable of handling himself and feeding himself confidence. Kihyun doesn’t know what’s holding him back. Maybe it’s just a common fear of the unknown future. He seriously can only rely on Hyungwon in this situation, and he sincerely hopes this pretty highlighter helps him do the job of asking him out properly. It was expensive, he spent tons of money on it, so it better work. 

They meet outside and go to Hyungwon’s car, which he parked further away from college again. They can get used to that. It’s not an insanely long walk, and having promenades with Hyungwon is more than a pleasure for Kihyun. 

“Where are we going?” he asks in the car, looking at frowning Hyungwon, who’s trying to find the right address in his navigator. 

“Are you hungry?” the other man turns to look at him briefly, and Kihyun shakes his head a no. He is, but he decided to eat as little in the evening as he can. Hyungwon sucks in his top lip, looking a bit ridiculous, and thinks of something new. He focuses back on his navigator and puts something in. They finally move.

“So?” Kihyun asks again, looking out of the windows and scanning all the familiar sceneries he walks past every day on his way to college. 

“You will see.” Hyungwon is focused on the road, and Kihyun can observe how leisurely his hands lay on the steering wheel, how he drives with what seems to be no effort at all, and how his sharp knees stick out when he bends his legs. Hyungwon smirks with the corner of his mouth and turns his head to Kihyun on the red light, “Enjoying the view?”

Kihyun nearly chokes on his spit but remembers to stay collected. Hyungwon can’t out-tease him, it’s Kihyun’s job. “Sure. A lot of things to look at.” He goes over the other man’s sitting form, eye movements slow in an exaggerated manner for him to see, and Hyungwon chuckles.

“Of course there is.” His eyes are back on the road. He reaches for something buried deep in his compartment and takes out an aux cord. “Play some music.” 

Kihyun takes the cord from the other’s hands and stares at it. Hyungwon wants him to play music, he didn’t ask – he straight up demanded. That’s hot. Kihyun grins and takes out his phone. “You know what’s coming,” and he puts on his Interstellar playlist. 

Hyungwon smiles and starts bopping his head to the beat. “I love this one.” Kihyun joins him, and when Jooheon’s rapping starts, they both shout out the lyrics. Hyungwon lets go of the steering wheel a couple of times just to be hip-hop, and Kihyun nearly has a panic attack or two. “Motherfucker, this is what you call music!” he shouts aggressively and shakes his one hand to the beat, echoing last words of Changkyun’s verses. Kihyun can’t help but move violently and scream the chorus, somehow still going in tune, and Hyungwon adds his own ‘skrrt’s and ‘pop’s whenever he can, and Kihyun has tears in his eyes from laughing. 

The song ends, Hyungwon calms down, and when the next beat starts, bass low and slow, he shouts excitedly again. “Begin and end, open and close, I’m in the middle of this, so overdose,” he raps in pure clean English, and Kihyun forgets to get excited over the song because hearing the other man rap is somehow the hottest thing he has ever seen after watching every single Interstellar stage. He skips Jooheon’s part, and Kihyun decides it’s his turn to wow. It’s the singing part. He gets in tune with the collaborated singer doing the choruses and belts the fuck out of his notes, and he hits it nearly perfectly even though he hasn’t warmed up. Hyungwon turns to look at him abruptly, eyes wide and mouth open, and Kihyun has to gesture to the road with his eyes in the middle of a note, and Hyungwon snaps out of it.

The song ends, and Kihyun breathes out, tired, and he hears Hyungwon breathing out a very elaborative ‘wow’. He is good at singing, he knows that and he loves showcasing his talent and skills he’s been polishing for years, but seeing how affected Hyungwon looks even after Kihyun’s voice cracks a couple of times and he goes a little bit flat once, it somehow gives him more reassurance and confidence than ever. 

“You really didn’t lie when you said you were good,” Hyungwon says, shock and approval evident in his voice, and he breathes out another wow. Kihyun wants to blush. 

“I didn’t even warm up my voice properly, it’s nothing, really—“

Hyungwon puts his hand on Kihyun’s knee, and the younger closes him mouth immediately. 

“Time to shut up for now, okay?” Hyungwon calmly says and squeezes his knee. Kihyun has no choice but to nod and control his legs, because the touch is disgustingly intimate, and Kihyun wants more. Hyungwon has such a warm wide palm, and it covers his entire knee. Good thing it’s not high up his leg, otherwise he would freak out and give himself out. It’s not the time for the other to know that Kihyun has sensitive thighs. And everything else sensitive too, really. 

Hyungwon smiles in satisfaction at Kihyun’s immediate obedience and pats his knee, before removing his hand and placing it back on the steering wheel. “Good boy,” he says like it’s the most ordinary thing to tell a person who has feelings for you. Kihyun swallows and looks out of the window, focusing on passers-by, buildings, neon signs, food stalls, cars, pets, everything, just to calm down and not think about things he wants right now. And things Hyungwon can provide him. 

Kihyun soon recognises very familiar streets in the area about twenty-five minutes away from his home, and he gives the other man a questioning look. Hyungwon parks and indicates Kihyun to get out. 

It’s getting dark, and people walk around leisurely, buying food from street stalls or just window-shopping. It’s a nice area, Kihyun likes it, and he hopes he can be the guide in case Hyungwon has no idea where he is. 

“I just thought we could take a walk somewhere not too far away from your where you live and get your home,” Hyungwon informs him with a small smile and hides his hands in his jacket pockets. 

“How do you know where I live?” Kihyun quirks his eyebrow, not recalling an occasion when he could have told the other man his home address. 

“Remember when I ordered you a taxi? The app saved your address.” Hyungwon shrugs, and Kihyun feels dumb, but it’s okay. Somehow the thought of the other even bothering finding a place close to his house so he could walk him there at night is unbelievably heartwarming. He hopes he doesn’t spend this night alone, even though he knows he probably will, but at least he’ll have the other man by his side for a bit longer than usually. And that’s nice. 

 

They walk around and talk, laugh and enjoy the late evening breeze, the independence, the freedom. They are not afraid, they are themselves, and although Hyungwon is still reluctant about telling Kihyun what kind of person he actually is, he is happy. The older buys them fish cakes from the street seller, and Kihyun really can’t refuse. 

They find a quite street where neon signs are already turned off and not a soul around them, and Hyungwon reaches for his hand. Kihyun smiles and can’t even look at the other’s face like that, and Hyungwon laughs and coos, ruffling his hair with his free hand and making Kihyun complain, because he spent ages styling it in the morning. 

And the orange streetlight is so pretty here, toned down in the dark of the night, and Hyungwon’s face glows. He gets the courage too finally look the older in the eyes, and he stares back, eyes sparkly and hypnotising. Hyungwon suddenly gasps and lets go of his hand. Kihyun misses the contact immediately but forgets the feeling the next second when the other takes out his phone, and weird sense of panic gushes over him. What is he going to do?

“The lighting is unbelievably pretty here, and your highlight looks magnificent,” Hyungwon says as he unlocks his phone and points the camera in Kihyun’s direction, “I want to take a picture.”

Kihyun is strangely overwhelmed, and he can’t distinguish fear from excitement. Hyungwon wants to capture him in a moment, and he complimented his highlight, and it makes him so indescribably happy, because he wants to be in the other man’s camera roll and he wants to stay as a reminder of this magically beautiful night, shining in the gentle street light and with happiness written all over his face, but he is scared of looking bad. 

“Can I pose?” he asks just in case. He knows his good angles, but he wants to be his best for Hyungwon. He has to stay pretty no matter what, especially for the man he loves. 

“If you wish,” the other simply replies and signals to start now. 

Kihyun takes off his jacket and raises his chin, exposing his neck and jawline, and he looks around, pretending to be enchanted by the city scenery around him. And he is, he really is, he loves the windows and he loves the wires, and he loves the mix of plain building with the most extravagant neon signs and decorations, and he loves the shadows and the mysteriousness, and Hyungwon snaps pictures after pictures, and Kihyun does his most. 

The other lowers his phone and scrolls through the shots, huge smile plastered on his face, and he looks content, fascinated even. Kihyun approaches him and tries to look at the screen but Hyungwon hides the phone. 

“I wanna see if I look good,” he whines and pouts, and Hyungwon stands right in front of him, towering with a cute teasing smile, and squishes his cheeks with his huge hands. 

“You look beautiful.” The smile in his eyes is blinding, and they freeze in the moment, looking at each other like there’s a whole universe hidden under their skin, and Hyungwon’s face gets soft, adoring, and he slides his hands down to Kihyun’s waist and lets go. He takes the younger’s hand instead, and Kihyun doesn’t recognise his surrounding anymore, having lost himself in Hyungwon’s beautiful warm eyes and deciding to stay there forever. For as long as he can.

They silently agree on moving towards Kihyun’s apartment, the younger leading the way, and they hold hands on their way there, hidden in Hyungwon’s jacket pocket. It’s warm there, and Kihyun doesn’t want to let go. He is nervous as they approach his place, and he is suddenly embarrassed. He isn’t excessively rich, and his apartment building is humble but very nice and clean, and he hopes Hyungwon doesn’t mind it. The other man looks around and smiles, following Kihyun to the elevator. 

They get off on the right floor, and the corridor is empty and quiet. Kihyun is glad he lives alone and that there are no students around him. It’s so quiet he is sure Hyungwon can hear his heartbeat echoing in the empty hallway. 

Kihyun stops in front of his door and doesn’t know what to do. It’s late. Does he invite Hyungwon over? He will probably refuse and it will be embarrassing. Does he say bye and goes inside and cry into his pillow for the rest of the night, because he wasted a hundred of amazing opportunities to pull the other man in and just… get a little bit closer? 

It’s dim in here, and the atmosphere is so intimate and so warm, and they are so close, but Kihyun is a coward. He can’t just open the damn door and drag the other man inside with him, make him tea and casually tell him to be his boyfriend. Doing that was somehow so much easier back in the days when Kihyun partied and thought the whole world was at his feet. Now, the only thing he ever wants is for Hyungwon to allow him to be at his feet instead. 

He looks up at the other man, and the height difference is huge, and Kihyun feels so small, so insignificant, and he can only guess how much his eyes speak for him, ask silent questions, beg for answers, for actions. They are so impossibly close, and Hyungwon is so, so beautiful, and Kihyun wants to cry, because he can’t have it. He doesn’t know how to, and he is too afraid to ask. Hyungwon holds his hand but he is still so unreachable, a distant star that found its place in the universe, and Kihyun is a lonely wandering comet, looking for a home to land on and settle. Maybe Hyungwon is not his home. Maybe his home is his lonely apartment, his cold bed, his unused two kitchen chairs out of three, his single toothbrush, his carefully laid out clothes that are only his size, his Interstellar posters and his organised bookshelves. Maybe his home is the misery he’s spent a long time getting out of. 

But then Hyungwon puts his hands on his neck and caresses the skin softly with his thumbs, brushing his jawline and tips of his fingers touching the short hairs on his nape. He can probably feel Kihyun’s blood pressure under his palms, and his heartbeat is so fast, so inhumanly fast, like it’s running to get out of his chest and jump right into Hyungwon’s hands so he can just take it and do whatever he wishes to do with it. It’s all up to Hyungwon, all of it, all of Kihyun, all of his feelings. 

And Kihyun’s breath hitches, because Hyungwon takes care of all of his sentiments, treasures them and reciprocates them, because he leans in, and he is so close, and Kihyun closes his eyes right when the softness of the other’s lips touches his, and it feels so good. Hyungwon is kissing him, lightly, as if caressing his mouth, and Kihyun has never felt so much from such a simple touch. He heart is in his throat, his chest is full, and his head is high, and he can’t believe this is not a dream. 

Hyungwon was just a teacher a mere week ago, distant – nice, but distant – and he smiled politely and he was unknown, and Kihyun was just a desperate little boy with his heart full of stupid sentiments for a man he barely knew. Kihyun is kissing the man he loves, because he opened up to him, and he reciprocates, he cares, he smiles the most genuine smile a human can possibly produce, and his eyes are the brightest stars when he looks at him, and Kihyun is so in love. He is so in love with the man who let Kihyun in, and it’s the first time ever when he feels so important, so protected, and, so insanely possibly, adored. 

Kihyun breathes in through his nose, barely holding on the tears in his eyes, and finds Hyungwon’s thin waist and rests his hands there, because it’s the only part of him he can reach, and he kisses the other man back, feeling how plump and soft his lower lip is, and it feels so good, and he sucks more on it, resisting the urge to bite and instead tasting it. And he feels Hyungwon’s upper lip pressing tighter to his mouth, and he hears the soft smacking sounds and how they get louder and wetter when Kihyun opens his mouth wider and lets Hyungwon in, and the kiss gets deeper, and he licks over the other’s lips, feeling how compliant and soft they are, so plump and so, so nice between his teeth. 

And he breathes in sharper, harsher, when their tongues intertwine and their lips fit so right over each other, and Hyungwon twirls his tongue and pushes deeper into Kihyun’s mouth, sucking passionately on his bottom lip, over his tongue, and they get faster, more intense, and the smacking gets louder, wetter, and Kihyun breathes in and out hard, and he crumples Hyungwon’s jacket between his fingers, and the other’s hands on his neck move further behind, fingers burying in his hair, and their kisses get louder, more open, more obscene, and Kihyun’s lower stomach feels tight inside, and he wants more, so much more, and he can’t suppress the greediness. He loves Hyungwon’s mouth, his plump lips, his amazing tongue, and he can never go back to living without it. 

He hears a shuffling further down the hall and pulls back as fast as the lightning, breathing hard and face hot. He looks up at the other man in panic, and Hyungwon seems much more collected. He distinguishes the sound of a door closing and looks behind Hyungwon’s broader figure to see an old lady walking towards the elevator and he smiles politely with a quiet good night, to which she smiles back and disappears in the corner. 

Kihyun exhales in relief and suddenly his entire body is burning in shame and fear. He is getting hard, Hyungwon is staring down at him, and Kihyun is too afraid to look up. He feels a light caress on his cheek and gets all the courage into his fist to raise his head, and Hyungwon’s red swollen lips form a gentle smile he always gives him, silently screaming about how endeared he is. Kihyun’s eyes run over his entire face, from his lips he already misses, to his shiny nose, his sparkly smiling eyes, his cheeks that have just a little bit more colour to them, and Kihyun knows he’ll keep the other man in his heart forever, no matter what happens. 

“I will see you tomorrow.” Hyungwon says incredibly softly, nearly whispering, and Kihyun’s lips waver and maybe he shakes a little, because he doesn’t want to let the other man go, because he hasn’t said everything he wanted to say, because he wants to keep kissing him until his motor system gives out. 

Hyungwon presses a light kiss to his forehead, lips staying on the skin for a little bit longer, and Kihyun tries his best not to let a tear slip out. Hyungwon gives him one final glance and turns around to leave, and the younger’s hands miss the opportunity to tug at his clothes. Hyungwon turns around once, giving him a wider, warmer smile, and disappears round the corner of the hall. Kihyun is alone on his doorstep, and he sniffs, and he lets a tear fall, two, three, and he barely manages to open the door and just lock himself inside his lonely apartment, completely on his own, and he outright cries. 

He has no right to cry but he can’t help but let the misery fall back on him after such an intense moment of ephemeral happiness. He replays the kiss again and again, and he wants to kiss Hyungwon again, it’s the only thing he ever wants to do right now, he doesn’t want to be alone, he wants the other man to hold him tight and never let him go. But he said he wanted to take things slowly, and maybe giving in to Kihyun’s silent pleas was a big step for him already.

But he is so good. And he kisses so well, gosh, he is an amazing kisser, and Kihyun curls more into himself as he sits on floor on his doormat, back still pressed again the door. The day was so good. So fucking good. And he misses Hyungwon so much he is suffocating.

He just needed to say one simple thing. He just needed to ask him one simple fucking thing, and he’d be so happy, so fully and purely happy, because if he did it back then and there, he would receive an answer, and it would be positive. 

Hyungwon could be his boyfriend by now. Kihyun could be Hyungwon’s boyfriend at this very moment. 

But he is nothing more than a coward. He gets up, takes his shoes and his jacket off, and goes to his bedroom to get undressed and take a shower. There’s nothing else he can do but get off and cry while coming, because sometimes you have to be sad to be able to feel it all. He wants Hyungwon here, right now, at this very moment, so fucking much. But sometimes things don’t go his way. They rarely do.

He lies in bed after shower and decides to text Minhyuk. His best friend has an amazing ability to listen to all his rants and calm him down no matter what the situation is. And he is about to complain, get mad at Hyungwon for leaving him like that, turning around and just walking away, but doesn’t even have the time to start another message when he gets a notification from Twitter. Hyungwon tweeted.

‘Eloquence is not something I consider to be an attribute of myself when I look at you.’

And it’s a picture of Kihyun from today, head turned to the side, neck and jaw sharp just how he wanted it too look, and the highlight, the fucking highlight, shining amazingly on his cheekbone. 

And Kihyun maybe wants to cry again, because Hyungwon is probably in the car, still far away from home, and he tweets just to make Kihyun know how he feels about him, and it vanishes all the anger from his mind and body. 

Hyungwon, his teacher, tweeted his picture for all his three thousand-something followers to see, and it’s the bravest thing one has ever done for him. Kihyun is appreciated, and he loves the other man so much, so damn much. The picture is so good. 

Hyungwon texts him half an hour later, and Kihyun jumps in his bed. He is safely home, and it’s the only thing that matters. Hyungwon suddenly warns him about calling him, and Kihyun doesn’t even have the time to blink when the other’s name displays on FaceTime. He adjusts the angle to look good in the front camera and answers. 

“Hey,” Kihyun says and realises his voice is hoarse, unenergetic, and he smiles wider to hide the tiredness under his eyes.

Hyungwon is lying on his bed too, probably in his pyjamas, and his bed sheets are white, which is a massive contrast to Kihyun’s dark blue and purple patterns on his, and his hair is soft and ruffled. Hyungwon smiles wide. “Kihyun,” he doesn’t sound tired at all and the awkward angle makes him unbelievably cute. Kihyun takes a screenshot. His doesn’t care about any evils of the world when the other is right there, even if not physically. “Apologies for the late call, I just wanted to see your face again.” And his voice is soft and sincere, and Kihyun buries deeper into his pillow, because it’s way too lovely, Hyungwon is way too lovely, and he wants him here. 

“I’m glad you called,” he mumbles. He probably sounds dead inside, and it’s tragic, because Hyungwon’s expression turns worried. 

“Are you alright? Your face is puffy,” the other says, and Kihyun wants to hide under his blanket.

“I’m good, just tired,” he lies and feels bad about it, because Hyungwon’s face turns somehow repentant and apologetic, and he hates seeing the other’s pretty features being distorted by guilt and sadness. 

“Kihyun?” he asks and looks up straight into the camera, and his eyes are the most genuine and bright little stars Kihyun has ever seen. “How do I say it,” Hyungwon mutters and frowns to the side, gathering his words. He is usually so much more collected. “I am normally different. I told you I prefer to take things slow. I wait for the other person to take steps towards me, I need to know when they have enough confidence in me to approach more than I allow to, and it’s then when I know that I can…” he shrugs, looking for simpler words, “go for it, let’s say,” he breathes out a laugh and bites on his lip. “I want to spend time with the other person before things move on, so that I can be sure their feelings only get stronger the more we are together, and not the other way around. You know men nowadays,” he puffs dramatically and rolls his eyes, and Kihyun giggles, “indecisive assholes.” Hyungwon laughs and looks at the screen for a little bit longer. He chews on his lip and sighs, “But with you, I can’t follow the same pattern.” Kihyun’s heart skips a beat, and he doesn’t know what kind of ending this will lead to. He gets scared. “I’m absolutely horrible at saying this, fucking hell,” he whispers to himself and just stares at his digitalised face. Kihyun sees a thumb flashing past the lens, and imagines the other stroking his face over the screen. And he wants him here, so, so much. “I don’t need words when I look at you, I know, Kihyun, I know,” he bites on his lower lip and looks into the camera again Kihyun’s heart is threatening to rip through his chest. “Kihyun,” the younger unconsciously sniffs, and every pixel of Hyungwon’s face is so beautiful, so unreal. Does it belong to him? “Will you be my boyfriend?”

And it does, it does belong to him. 

Kihyun sniffs again, and a tear slides down his face into the pillow, and he nods and nods, words stuck in his throat, still dormant and not ready to be said. He spent days denying them, convincing himself that everything was just a fantasy, a dream, never to be real and accepted. 

And he can only croak out a quiet desperate ‘yes’, and Hyungwon’s smile is unbelievably big and happy. And it’s directed at Kihyun. 

“Please call me that,” Hyungwon says, and Kihyun loses his ability to speak. Too unreal. Gosh, is it really happening?

“Hyungwon,” he sniffs and breathes in, trying to calm down, “my boyfriend.”

And Hyungwon’s smile radiates beyond the image on the screen. “Yes, just like that.” Kihyun doesn’t bother hiding his tears. He can let the other see them. “Good night, Kihyun.”

He drops the call and goes straight to his messages. His heart is beating too fast, and his head is dark, thick goo, preventing the reality from being properly registered by his inflamed brain. Can Kihyun really call him that? Hyungwon, my boyfriend. Can he really say that? 

Hyungwon says that yes, he can. A million times yes. And Kihyun uses that opportunity. 

He can really tell Hyungwon how much he loves him, with his own words, and it feels so liberating, so right and so natural, like it’s the only thing his mouth is made to produce. 

I love you. 

 

Dating Chae Hyungwon is really cool. 

It’s always nice to confirm things, and so the next day Kihyun waits for the other man to finish with his classes and goes to his room, just to find another student there. That’s unexpected. Hyungwon looks bored though, sitting by his desk while this other guy – probably a freshman – is trying to come up with arguments. But he is standing and he is far, so Kihyun just silently asks his teacher what time he can come, and Hyungwon shows five fingers with a distressed frown of his eyebrows. They both try not to soften at each other in the presence of another student. 

Kihyun waits outside, and when this guy goes out, indicating he can walk in, he waits a few seconds, inhales – chin up, shoulders down, back straight, eyes focused – exhales, shakes his limbs and comes in. 

Hyungwon is slumped on the chair as he massages his temples, and Kihyun takes big steps to stand by his desk faster. The other raises his head, and his eyes are bright, and his smile is bright too, and Kihyun sits on the edge of the table, knee lightly touching Hyungwon’s.

“Hi,” he says, suddenly shy and unsure of what to do.

“Hello, Kihyun.” Hyungwon half-spins in his chair to the sides with an uncharacteristic bashful look on his face, and Kihyun is so in love. Mr Chae, his teacher, his boyfriend. How does this even work? 

He can’t stay in one place and bends down to capture Hyungwon’s small head in his hands and reach for his mouth to kiss him. The other smiles and immediately buries his fingers in Kihyun’s hair that are left soft and unstyled today, and they kiss properly for the second time ever. Unbelievable. 

Hyungwon’s lips are as plump and moisturised as he remembers them to be, and he is not scared to use his tongue immediately anymore. The smacking sounds are echoing loudly in the empty auditorium, and Kihyun giggles into the kiss, overflowing happiness truly real in his chest. It’s warm and nice, and Hyungwon is sucking on Kihyun’s lips as eagerly as Kihyun on his, and it’s definitely something he knows he will take no time getting used to. He is already addicted. 

They pull away when it seems to get a little too heated, and Hyungwon bites on his lower lip immediately, staring at Kihyun’s flushed face, eyes constantly running down to his lips.

“I hope no one comes in,” Kihyun says stupidly, and the other laughs. He takes the younger’s small hands in his, thumbs caressing his knuckles lightly.

“Kihyun,” he starts, and his face looks so full of emotion. It’s crazy to think it’s directed at Kihyun only. “Boyfriends?” he asks with a cute smile and squeezes his hand, and Kihyun is getting weak in his knees from the amount of pleasure this simple word throws upon his entire existence. He nods like am overexcited puppy and leans again to receive a kiss. Hyungwon gladly closes the remaining distance and kisses sweetly, covering Kihyun’s entire mouth with his own, because he wants to taste it all, and the younger will always give it all. 

They agree to meet tomorrow, because Hyungwon has tons of work to do and Kihyun has to meet Minhyuk for dinner, and he exist the room with the thickest sense of self-appreciation he has ever felt. He’s glad he exists at the same time as his lovely boyfriend. 

 

Dating Chae Hyungwon is also super hot. 

They go out to the club-bar and drink, and Kihyun feels like a huge adult, because it’s a great opportunity to show the other man that he is, in fact, pretty wild when the situation calls for it. 

He hasn’t drunk in a while. Last time was a couple of weeks ago, and he was alone in his apartment, after Mr Chae left a deep scary wound on his heart with his incredible beauty Kihyun thought he could never ever touch, and he finished a whole bottle of red wine he could afford, wandering around his apartment and singing his heart out to depressing love songs, before he realised he still had vodka left from the last time Minhyuk was over at his, and threw in a couple of shots, and masturbation somehow felt ultra great. When the shame was taken away, he didn’t mind destroying the forbidden pure-hearted image of Mr Chae Kihyun built for himself back then, and he cried real tears with the dildo in his ass and Mr Chae’s pretty long hands on his mind. 

Now he knows Hyungwon can probably fuck him against the fall if he asks him too, because when the other man sits like that, all dressed up in a nice black suit pants that are a little bit too tight in his crotch area and this nicely designed silk blazer, all looking somehow expensive and powerful, as if he isn’t just a literature teacher but a whole ass billionaire company boss, and with his gaze so sharp, and the shadows and the occasional light in the dark neon bar falling on his face to contrast against his usually gentle face, Kihyun knows how fucking submissive he can get for the other man.

After three whiskey-based cocktails, Kihyun can’t even feel the timidity he used to possess, and he knows it’s his boosted confidence expressing himself when he slides his hand up Hyungwon’s leg from his knee to his thigh, and he stays in the same position, watching the other man intently as he downs his third shot of vodka. Hyungwon cringes and sniffs, alcohol also getting into his head. 

Kihyun giggles, “Ah, Mr Chae, you’re so hot in that suit,” he tugs at his sleeve and wants to lean closer, but Hyungwon’s hand on his shoulder stops him. He twitches his eyebrow, face deadpan, even though his eyes are glowing a little bit more than usually. 

“A who?” he asks with his normal voice, and Kihyun can barely hear him through all that music. 

“You’re hot, sir,” Kihyun bites his lip and smirks, and he probably looks ridiculous, realistically, but he can only think about seducing the other man. He has no shame, he never even heard of shame, no one taught him that word. 

“I asked what you just fucking called me, you twat.” Hyungwon grabs Kihyun’s chin and forces him to look up, because the younger eyes were totally glued to his lips. Hearing him swear is hot, he needs to swear more, he should only swear and never do anything else ever. 

“You like it, sir, you like it when I say it.” Kihyun nearly falls off his bar stool as he leans closer to the other man, with the only thought to bite him on the lower lip on his mind. 

“Who said that?” Hyungwon lightly pushes him back on his chair and goes for another glass, time between the shots is shorter, as if the older really needs to get smashed, and maybe smash Kihyun’s head too.

“Another one, please!” Kihyun calls and wiggles his own empty glass of cocktail to the bartender. He turns back to his boyfriend, “You like it, admit it, babe.” Kihyun pushes his lips forward, doing the most to really get the other man to snap. He also really wants to kiss him.

Hyungwon quirks one brow, amused grin playing on his lips, and he still looks extra hot and powerful, despite being a bit shaky and unstable. “So this is how it is? You’re the baby, I’m the babe?” he bites his bottom lip in what can only be anticipation, and Kihyun is high, high on his boyfriend’s incredible daddy look. Oh, Kihyun can be such a good baby boy for him; he only needs to kiss him. 

“Even if I am, you can’t do anything to these goodies,” he vaguely gestures at his body, “unless you kiss me,” Kihyun smacks his lip with a pop, eyes hooded and expression suddenly absurdly serious in a comedic way, and he goes for his fourth glass of what seems to be about seventy percent whiskey and fifty percent juice now, but it doesn’t matter. He sips it through the straw, staring at the other man imposingly, and Hyungwon chuckles. 

“You want to establish rules?” he asks, obviously amused, and shakes his head before going for another shot. He is either getting knocked down as soon as he gets up, or he is a walking corpse right now. Kihyun is neither super strong to carry a body nor a necrophile, so neither of the options is particularly attractive. He should busy the other’s mouth with something else.

Kihyun pouts and hums. “Perhaps, sir,” he starts and spins in his bar stool, immediately deciding that it was a bad idea, “we should, in fact, make some rules, so I can kiss you and you can do whatever you like.” He makes smooching sounds to emphasise his point, and doesn’t even know what he is saying anymore. 

“Let’s have no rules but one condition,” Hyungwon raises his index finger and looks at it, confused, as if he just realises he has those long sexy monsters growing out of his huge hand. He blinks with raised eyebrows and focuses back on Kihyun, who’s admiring him half-consciously with a blessed out expression. “You have to be careful, because,” Hyungwon puts his hands on the younger’s knees and leans forwards, shifting all his weight to press Kihyun into the seat, “I am the responsible adult, and you’re the vulnerable face here.” Hyungwon hides his lips in a weird unemotional smile and puffs his cheek, creating a ridiculous expression on his face.

Kihyun wraps his hands around the other’s wrists and leans forward too, and he can’t see any details at all. Hyungwon’s face is a beige blurry smudge, and it’s still handsome as fuck. “Sir, I think you should be the careful one here. You don’t want me screaming for help or whatever.” Kihyun leans just a little bit forward, nearly enough to touch the other’s lips, but Hyungwon backs away surprisingly fast, and his expression is dangerously sexy, or just dangerous, whatever this expression even is, and stands up, grabbing Kihyun’s hand. He needs a couple of seconds to stabilise himself, holding onto the bar counter, and drags the younger to go with him. 

Kihyun jumps down the stool and barely keeps his balance, head dizzy, running after Hyungwon, his own hand still in the other’s grip.

They stumble into the toilet, and there’s no one there. The walls are a pretty dirty coral pink marble, saturated down in the dim light of one single lamp bulb above them. Hyungwon pushes Kihyun against the sink counter and presses him further against the marble, towering over him, eyes glistening a sickly drunk blaze, and Kihyun breathes harder, that gaze going straight to his stomach. Hyungwon pins Kihyun’s hands behind him on the surface and slowly moves his own to the younger’s face, and their heartbeats go chaotically in unison, loud and fast, and their breathes fill in the space between them. 

Hyungwon leans in and covers Kihyun’s entire mouth with his lips, kissing strongly and impatiently. Kihyun opens his mouth and tries to match up Hyungwon’s pace as he kisses fast and roughly, going deeper with each touch, tongue pushing in and clashing with Kihyun’s, and they play this war for who gets the most, who bites the hardest, who makes the other give in the fastest. Hyungwon slides his fingers into Kihyun’s hair and tugs at the locks, and Kihyun feels a shiver running down his spine at the sensation, and he moans, right into the other’s mouth, and Hyungwon freezes. Kihyun whines at the loss of contact and shakes his legs, and the older pulls his hair again, harsher this time, and he moans again, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. 

“You like when I do this?” Hyungwon whispers, and suddenly there is a wet kiss on his neck. The other bites his skin, licks over the marks, goes down and across, everywhere, kissing every centimeter of his throat, and Kihyun wants to bury his fingers into the hard marble, break it, just how Hyungwon breaks his skin and kisses with his open mouth over the bites, tongue leaving wet traces that cool down as soon as he moves to nibble on the other side of his neck, and Kihyun wants to have his entire body marked, bitten like a biscuit, teeth marks visible for the whole world to see who he really belongs to. 

Kihyun unsticks his hands from the marble surface and moves them to Hyungwon’s head to push him up again to attack his lips. Gosh, he is getting hard, and the fact that they’re in public and drunk doesn’t help the situation. It only makes it spicier, like noodles with chili powder, so hot and long, probably just like Hyungwon’s dick. 

He moans at the idea, and the older presses him harder into the sink top, and Kihyun’s hard-on is rubbing against Hyungwon’s thigh, and his hands reach for the other’s hips, but Hyungwon stops them right here. Kihyun whines and kicks his legs slightly, and the other shushes him, thumbs rubbing circles on his cheekbones. 

“Let’s get you home,” Hyungwon whispers, trying to sound soothing and calm, and grunts when Kihyun pulls himself closer, the younger’s soft lower stomach pressing against his crotch. 

“Don’t wanna,” he whines, missing the contact so much.

“Calm down, baby,” Hyungwon kisses him again, short but sweet, and Kihyun quiets down for the next ten seconds, “it’s late, we should get you home.” And he takes the other’s hand and drags him out of the toilet. 

Hyungwon leaves the rest of the money on the bar counter, and they exit into the chilly night, air fresh and sobering. Not for Kihyun, though, because he is still drunk, tired, hard, and now also sleepy. But his dick is the biggest of his worries now. 

“I’ll get you a cab,” Hyungwon mutters, and Kihyun leans against him, dreading the idea of letting the other man go.

“Come with me,” he slurs, voice whiny and tired, and Hyungwon strokes his hair, shushing him softly. 

“You’ll have to go on your own, baby.” Kihyun smiles at the nickname and nuzzles closer to the other’s side, suddenly content. “Do you promise me you’ll be okay?” Hyungwon asks, and Kihyun hums in return, barely registering the words. “Kihyun,” he says sternly and hold the younger’s head that feels too heavy to stay on his neck without support, “do you promise me to get home safely?”

Kihyun sighs and nods, and Hyungwon seems more or less satisfied with that. The cab arrives, and Kihyun whines again. He doesn’t want to go, no, he wants his boyfriend with him.

“I don’t wanna leave,” he whines and stomps like a capricious child, and Hyungwon is suddenly very tall above him, holding Kihyun’s head even tighter. He looks around, making sure there isn’t anyone who pays attention to them, and kisses the younger quickly on the lips. Kihyun smiles and squeals, and Hyungwon pinches his cheeks.

He puts him on the backseat of the cab, confirming the address, and holds the door. “I will see you tomorrow, Kihyun.” The younger pouts but nods, half asleep, and Hyungwon closes the door. The car is taking him further away from his boyfriend, but he can deal with the immediate loneliness, because even drunk out of his mind, he is absolutely sure that his relationship is very much real. 

 

Dating Chae Hyungwon, out of all things, is really, really nice. 

Kihyun especially loves realising that when he is in his bed late in the evening, after what he probably most definitely considers to be the best day of his life. 

He just saw Interstellar. The artist he has been stanning for over two years, the two men that turned his life around and made him feel worth living, because he loves them so damn much. But he probably loves his boyfriend even more, because it was him that dragged Kihyun to their fanmeet that he had no chance of getting invitation to. But Hyungwon did, and Kihyun saw the most beautiful (after his boyfriend) men on earth, whose music is the reason (fifty percent of it) he is alive. He is still shocked. 

He also had Hyungwon suck him off on his desk in the middle of an empty auditorium, and it was their first sexual encounter, and so far, it was the best orgasm of his life. Holy shit, he had his boyfriend’s jizz on his skin, how can it possibly not be the best day of his life yet? He wants the other man so much right now.

Kihyun texts Hyungwon eventually, body jiggling from all the excitement he experienced today, and his boyfriend replies immediately, and he seems very happy too. What an emotional roller coaster of a day. 

There aren’t enough words to describe how he feels about the man he loves the most. He is so cool. So amazing, so beautiful, so intelligent. The best person in the whole world. Such a creative talented soul. Such an ideal dominant for him, with his awesome face and awesome fingers. Really, he loses all his words when he thinks of the other man. Hyungwon is just beyond what Kihyun has ever imagined, he is so much more than what ever he wanted, he transcends all the words of human language. Shakespeare has never loved, because Kihyun loves more. 

Maybe he is the receiver in this relationship, perhaps he gets everything he wants and everything he doesn’t even ask for, perhaps it’s how it is. But he gives so much fucking feelings in return. His body can’t contain such amounts. He has to spill, has to say his confessions every day, and he does, in glances, in kisses, in messages, and it seems enough.

Maybe he wants a little bit of this back. He knows he does, he knows Hyungwon is just as emotionally affected, but he is silent. He expresses his sentiments in gestures and metaphors, but never directly. It’s not that, but maybe he could say it at least once. Kihyun wants to be the shape of Hyungwon’s love. Because he has it, he knows he does, at least to some extent, but it’s so hard to actually give it a form. Hyungwon keeps it so abstract, so physical and so disgustingly interpretive, Kihyun can write a book dedicated to his laments for simple words of love. 

He asks for it, messages Hyungwon with his tiny complain. He can at least send a heart. That’s more univocal and much more understandable. But Hyungwon disappears, and Kihyun sulks. Come on, nothing can destroy such a perfect day. 

He gets a notification about Hyungwon’s tweet, and—yes. It is the best day of his life.

Because Hyungwon also confesses in poetry he loves with his whole skinny heart, and he pours all of that onto Kihyun’s head, into his organs, all over his body that is too small for this amount of feelings. 

‘But in my arms till break of day  
Let the living creature lie,  
Mortal, guilty, but to me  
The entirely beautiful.’

And below is Kihyun’s sleeping form – a picture he took when Kihyun fell asleep in their classroom while waiting for his boyfriend to finish working. It’s cute, so undeniably cute, and Kihyun feels his heartbeat all over his body, and it’s warm, and lovely, and nice. 

Because Hyungwon loves words more than anything, and maybe Kihyun along with them. Perhaps not as much, but very, very close, he is sure. 

‘I really do love you, Kihyun.’

Hyungwon messages and leaves a heart too, red, the one you only send to those you love the most. 

Maybe he does. He probably does. No, he most definitely loves Kihyun, incomparably, singularly, independent of words he doesn’t need to express it. 

Just one nice pretty smile is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to understand the final scene with interstellar and dick sucking please refer to my one shot 'hey mister' which explains the scene perfectly


	3. life alongside you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chap, smut, domesticity and all the things nice i suppose??
> 
> thank you everyone so much for reading, comments and kudos are as always very appreciated!!

Hyungwon turns the keys with a low click and presses the handle down, and the door opens. They come in, and it feels like the whole world finally has opened up to him. 

It’s Kihyun’s first time in Hyungwon’s apartment. He enters slowly, immediately stunned and trying to perceive as much as he can all at once. They stop in the corridor and take their shoes off, and Kihyun smiles at the wooden shoe rack filled with boots and inbuilt hangers with all types of outwear piled up on top of each other. It smells homely, even though they haven’t even entered properly, and Kihyun can recognise the other man’s scent. 

Hyungwon turns on the light, and it’s a living room right in front of him. The walls are a gentle unsaturated swampy green, and it somehow feels comfortable; his eyes relax looking at the colour, and the warm yellow lamplight surrounds the room in a radiant ambiance, and it’s spreads the sleepy, comfortable atmosphere and it’s something Kihyun takes no time in loving immediately. It’s dark outside of the big window across the room, and it looks like a balcony. The couch by the wall is old and brown, the big table by the wall opposite is filled with papers and notebooks, and the big Apple stationary computer is turned off. It must be expensive as fuck. 

“Come in, don’t be shy,” Hyungwon says with a light smile and goes to the right. There are more rooms further down there, and one of them looks like an open kitchen separated from the rest of the apartment by a simple bar counter. There are tall barstools around it and no table whatsoever, and there is a small TV hanging on the wall at a high uncomfortable angle. It must be where Hyungwon eats then. “You can settle in the living room, just throw your stuff there and sit, I’m going to change my shirt quickly.” With that Hyungwon disappears behind one of the white doors, and Kihyun has nothing to do but follow his instructions. 

The couch is comfortable indeed. There is an ancient-looking, old wine cabinet next to the table, and there are glasses and fine china behind the glass. Hyungwon’s style is weird, mixed, inconsistent, but it’s nice. This place is nice. Kihyun wants to live here. 

Hyungwon appears ten seconds later in the same black suit pants he was wearing the whole day and a black stretched out t-shirt that looks huge on him. He is barefoot, and it’s nice that he feels so at home around Kihyun. 

“Well, this is where I live.” The other smiles and vaguely gestures around the living room, and Kihyun is unbelievably endeared. 

“I really like it,” he says, and Hyungwon plops on the couch next to him, immediately turning towards him and admiring him. Kihyun feels shy and looks around instead, trying to find something that can catch his attention.

There are framed photographs on the table, and he quickly jumps up and walks over to the desk to take a proper look at them. They seem old, printed out at least five years ago, if not ten or even twenty, and Kihyun spots Hyungwon’s face in all of them. He is with different people and at different periods in his life, and he recognises Mr Shin, Changkyun, Jooheon, and some other people with suspiciously similar face features, probably his family. He hears soft approaching steps behind him. 

Hyungwon points at one of the frames, and it seems to be one the newest ones. “It’s me and Hoseok during my graduation ceremony,” he clarifies and points at the frame next to him. There are three pictures in it. Hyungwon is wearing a graduation gown and holding a bouquet of flowers in one, then he and Mr Shin are posing funnily with Tower Bridge in the background, and then there are more young people of different nationalities dressed in exactly the same way. Hyungwon doesn’t look much younger, but something about his face, his eyes, maybe, seems more youthful, less mature, somehow even happier. These pictures have a different feel, Hyungwon there is not the same as Hyungwon now, and Kihyun can’t quite point out what’s wrong. “These two are from my postgrad ceremony in Oxford, and the middle one was taken when Hoseok and I visited London after we finished with our studies.” Kihyun can’t see him but he hears a smile in the other man’s words. Those were probably good times, back when Kihyun didn’t exist with him, back when he was probably just a high school kid with big dreams and unrealistic expectation, while Hyungwon was already finishing his second degree and travelling to places, having fun, doing all the things Kihyun has yet to do. 

It’s a weird thing – to think Hyungwon had a life of his own at some point. Kihyun wasn’t there, but Mr Shin was, and they probably went through so many things together; they’ve been doing it for years, and Kihyun is such a new addition to his life, he’s probably nothing yet compared to all the memories Hyungwon has already managed to create.

“This is my family, and this is a rare picture of me with Jooheon and Changkyun, back when we were trainees together.” Hyungwon keeps explaining, and Kihyun just sighs. He is even friends with his idols. 

“Didn’t know you were the type to keep framed photos on your work desk.” Kihyun can only tease, somehow unable to properly deal with the thought that although he wholesomely and rightfully belongs to Hyungwon, the other probably doesn’t belong to him in the same amount. He has too many people in his life, too many things to do, too many students to teach, and Kihyun is just a tiny part among all of it. He had a lot of partners too. He has more knowledge, more experience, more life stories to tell, more fully formed convictions about the world around him and even an established income. Kihyun only has his boyfriend to share. 

Well, at least he is in Hyungwon’s camera roll. That’s something. 

“Strange you didn’t think of me as that type of person.” Hyungwon pouts in thought and picks up a frame. It’s him and his younger brother, Kihyun figures, both in school uniform and absolutely unwilling to show their faked enjoyment at the perspective of going to school. Hyungwon has changed so much. “I like reminiscing about things, but not in the regretful way. It’s more about,” he puts the frame down and twists his hands around, looking for words, “looking back at the person I was and seeing how much I’ve grown since then. It’s interesting.” Hyungwon smiles lightly and looks at Kihyun, with an obvious question in mind but seemingly unable to tear his gaze away. He blinks and raises his eyebrows, shaking his head as if to chase the distracting thoughts away. “Do you want coffee? Tea?” he asks, and Kihyun chuckles, because it’s cute. 

“No, thank you.” He declines.

“Alcohol?” Hyungwon vaguely points in the directions of the wine cabinet, and Kihyun contemplates the idea of making out with his boyfriend drunk and making out with his boyfriend sober. The second wins.

“Well, since you’re offering…” Kihyun smiles sneakily and hums. “But maybe later.”

Hyungwon waddles on one spot awkwardly for a few seconds and then walks away with a mumbled out ‘okay, I’ll make myself coffee then’, and to Kihyun he’s the most adorable man the world has ever created. Even though he rarely shows that side, it’s one of the things that make Kihyun feel special. 

He walks into the kitchen to see Hyungwon’s back facing him as he waits for the coffee machine to pour his drink. He admires Hyungwon’s thin yet somehow broad back, follows the line of his long legs to his bare feet, one sliding across the floor in a swift motion, and smiles when Hyungwon turns around with a mug of steaming coffee in his hand. 

“Let’s go back to the living room,” the other man says and nods in the direction behind Kihyun. He suddenly stops and widens his eyes in worry. “Are you hungry?” he asks and nearly puts the mug down, and Kihyun has to wave his hands right in front of the other’s face.

“No, I’m not,” he smiles and sighs in relief when Hyungwon just narrows his eyes at him but picks up his mug again nonetheless and walks past Kihyun to the living room.

“You really need to eat more, you lost weight over the past three weeks.” Hyungwon sighs and settles by his desk, on leg bent and foot propped against the thigh. 

Kihyun falls on the couch and makes himself comfortable. Three weeks ago was when they started going out, and Kihyun tried his best to look good for the other man. He wants his efforts appreciated. “Later,” he simply says and glances at Hyungwon expecting some kind of suggestions about what they’re going to do tonight. He’s in his boyfriend’s apartment and he really doesn’t want to waste such an opportunity.

“I have to work for some time, Kihyun, I think I’ve warned you before,” Hyungwon carefully sips his coffee, trying not to burn his tongue, and hums approvingly. He did warn him, it’s true, but Kihyun can’t help but feel disappointed. “You can relax for now, I suppose? Take a shower, make some food, watch a film, write an essay,” he emphasises the last part with a raise of his eyebrow, “whatever you do in the evening.”

Kihyun pouts and makes a sulky impression. “You should be my private tutor, Mr Chae.” No matter how many times he offered this, the other man denied even a slight possibility of him teaching Kihyun privately outside of classes. 

“Or you can think of better arguments for this proposal while I’m working on my research.” Hyungwon smiles shortly and turns away. Kihyun knows he has tons of teaching work to do and also his entire PhD research to sort out, but he feels neglected. Maybe he should straight up get undressed and shove his crotch in the other man’s face, maybe that will work. 

“You know what,” Kihyun starts, following his train of thoughts, “I’ll take a shower.”

Hyungwon stops scrolling through whatever he was looking at on his laptop, and slowly turns around. “Good idea. Will you find the bathroom? The entrance is through my bedroom, second door on the right down the corridor towards the kitchen.” Hyungwon explains and vaguely points out somewhere behind where Kihyun is sitting on the couch. He gets up. 

“What about towels and stuff?” 

“Just use whatever you can find. Rummage through my racks in the bathroom, if you want anything specific, but fresh towels are on one of the shelves next to the sink, you’ll find it.” Hyungwon says very casually, but Kihyun can’t let the suggestive notes slip away. He trusts him enough to just let him find whatever he needs on his own. That’s cool, really cool. 

Kihyun smiles and livens up. “I’ll be quick.” 

With this he takes a spare t-shirt out of his backpack he threw on the couch when he just arrived, and goes searching for the bathroom.

Kihyun opens the right door and turns the light on. He whistles, coming in and looking around. The bedroom is big, it’s probably the biggest room in this apartment, and it’s nice. It smells like Hyungwon, and it’s a little bit too hot inside. The walls are an unclear mix of dirty dark blue and grey and all the cornices are white, just like they seem to be around the entire apartment. The bed is huge, and Kihyun has mixed feelings about it, because it’s a canopy bed, and it looks overly expensive. The columns are thin and black with carved ornaments on them, and the nearly transparent white veils hangs prettily like a side fringe. The sheets are white, as expected, and Kihyun fights the urge to sit on the bed, because he has more important things to do. 

He opens the bathroom door, and it’s huge too. Beaming coral beige marble is looking at him everywhere, and it’s pretty but also way too shiny. Does he even live here? It’s so clean. Kihyun feels his heart fluttering, because clean home is his main ideal in any other man that isn’t Hyungwon. It’s amazing; the floor is so shiny he could slide on it if he was wearing socks. 

But this illusion is immediately destroyed when Kihyun opens the cabinet closest to him, and it’s a mess, everything pushed into one pile of cosmetic bags, makeup and old half-used products, and he feels irritation burning under his skin. He has to sort this out once he moves in here in what feels like an hour now, because he can’t let his boyfriend live like that. Hyungwon needs his help. 

The bath on the side is also clean, and the shower to his left is huge and the shelves are filled with shampoos and gels and body butter, and it’s amazing, until his eyes fall on the massive sink countertop that takes up nearly an entire wall. There are products everywhere, and the single glass shelf above it has caps lying separately to their bottles, and Kihyun breathes out slowly, trying to calm down. A razor is lying on the surface instead of its rightful stand, and the aftershave is open too, and there are cotton pads scattered near the sink, and it’s disgusting, because he can’t use them anymore. Hyungwon really has to learn how to sort his things out.

Kihyun doesn’t manage to fight the urge to at least close the box with cotton buds, and puts a stray cap back on a bottle of face oil. Hyungwon has such nice expensive products and he treats them like shit. Kihyun clicks his tongue and just leaves it be – he has enough time to sort it out.

He opens the cabinet next to the sink and gets a towel. At least those are folded and sorted out by size. Maybe Hyungwon has a cleaning lady coming over once in a while to help him keep his apartment fresh.

Kihyun gets into the shower, and then it hits him. He is showering in his boyfriend’s apartment, and it’s his first time here, ever. He is taking a shower, because he believes there are better things to do at his boyfriend’s place then working. They haven’t even had sex properly – Hyungwon gave him two blowjobs in an empty classroom and never even let Kihyun touch him. That is not only unfair, but also annoying, because Minhyuk got fucked by his two boyfriends – at the same time, at that – before they even announced their relationship, and Kihyun needed two weeks into his relationship to at least get invited over. Bullshit. 

He knows Hyungwon is a romantic and, as he has said many times before, likes to take things slow, and Kihyun can really tell that’s just part of his entire existence, because he sucks slowly too, torturing the younger like there is no tomorrow or professors walking around the building in the middle of the day, and Kihyun surely likes it, but sometimes it’s out of place. 

Like now, for example, when he is at his boyfriend’s apartment and literally goes showering in the middle of the evening because he wants to get laid, for real this time, and he knows Hyungwon is not dense, but he always, fucking always waits for Kihyun to suggest something first. Kihyun is not a child, he is literally an adult, so why does the other constantly believe that going beyond kissing is, without an exaggeration, molesting, unless Kihyun makes a move? He is not a doll, he is a human and he wants to have sex with his boyfriend. But he had to whine about wanting to see the other man’s place for a whole week just to get invited. That’s annoying. Kihyun wants to feel wanted, desired to the point Hyungwon has to physically drag him somewhere private just to touch him, and so far Kihyun hasn’t done anything but ask for contact. The other doesn’t even appreciate his weight loss properly, that’s just unbelievable. 

Kihyun scrubs his skin angrily, mixing gels, cleaning himself thoroughly, and he’s glad he washed his hair in the morning, because he doesn’t have to bother with it now. Kihyun is going to get what he wants; he always does when he really wants something and tries hard to get it, and it’s undoubtedly the case now. 

He gets out of the shower and dries himself. He has never even seen his boyfriend’s body properly, and ever now Hyungwon had to go to his bedroom to change his shirt. That’s just weird, there is no way the other is insecure about himself at this age and with these looks. Hyungwon seems so confident in everything he does, otherwise he wouldn’t be a teacher with such outstanding public speaking skills. Kihyun doesn’t even know anymore. If his boyfriend wants him to act first, then he fucking will this one time.

He puts on a white huge t-shirt that reaches his mid-thigh and a pair of boxers, and stays like this. He doesn’t need pants, he never wears them at home anyways. Hyungwon has to get used to this. 

Kihyun gathers his belongings and walks out to the living room. Hyungwon is sitting crouched over his desk, one earphone in, and scans through papers he laid out in front of him. He hears Kihyun coming in and turns around, and his eyes widen immediately. He swallows, and Kihyun notices the way the other is looking over him, gaze scanning his bare legs and then settling on his absolutely makeupless face. 

“Are you just going to walk around like that?” Hyungwon asks, genuine surprise in his voice.

Kihyun doesn’t sit down, purposely showing off how unbothered he is by his lack of clothing. “Yeah.” He catches Hyungwon’s questioning gaze and rolls his eyes dramatically. “Nothing you haven’t seen.” The other literally ate him up when he was lying practically naked on his desk once, and there is no reason for him to be surprised about how Kihyun looks underneath loose mom jeans and massive hoodies he usually wears. 

“Are you not cold?” Hyungwon’s voice is on the verge of shock, and Kihyun is confused. 

“Are you kidding?” he musters a ‘what the fuck’ expression and tries to understand where this came from. “It’s hot as fuck.” He fans himself for the effect, because it is really hot in this apartment. The heater must be on full strength. 

“Really? I’m getting shivers.” Hyungwon rubs his arms and shakes, emphasising, and Kihyun is dumbfounded at first, because how can he possibly be cold in such a hot temperature, and then remembers how thin and delicate the other man’s build is and calms down.

But then he suddenly thinks of a solution and smirks, finally sitting down, crossed-legged. “Well, maybe you should come over and cuddle me then?” he raises his eyebrows, and Hyungwon lowers his eyes, face sad. He doesn’t usually look like this, but sometimes he lets the younger see his emotions, and it’s precious. Even though it’s quite literally sad. 

“I have work, Kihyun.” He sighs and turns around again, facing the desk, and now it’s Kihyun’s turn to sulk.

He just wants attention. Hyungwon is busy, but he’s been working the whole day, he can take a break and give Kihyun a kiss or something. Instead, there is nothing left for him to do other than get his phone out and do something useless.

He gets interrupted the next second. “Actually, Kihyun?” Hyungwon calls and turns back to him again. Kihyun raises his head and hums. “Can you sing for me?” the other’s eyes look tired but hopeful, and they shine softly in the dim light of the living room. “While I’m working?”

Kihyun is taken aback, but he feels happy at the request. “Sure!” he sits more appropriately, stretching his back and raising his chin. “What do you want to hear?” he asks with a smile, because it’s not every day he gets to just comfortably sing for someone else. 

Hyungwon shrugs. “Anything is good if it’s you. Just maybe something less intense, so I don’t get too distracted.” He smiles and turns back to his papers, and Kihyun tries to come up with a quiet but pretty song. He hasn’t sang for the other since that fateful car ride to their date destination, when they blasted Interstellar and probably scared every single passer-by with their intense singing, and now he wants to impress too. Something melodic but with some sort of notes to stretch? Maybe he can do it quietly; he knows how to control his voice. 

“You know Jun. K’s ‘Think about you’?” Hyungwon hums a yes in response. 

Kihyun warms up quickly, going up and down the scale, and decides he sounds fine for a short concert for one man only. He wants to be perfect, but it’s okay if he is not, Hyungwon will continue loving him anyways. 

He starts of slowly, first verse going smoothly without much change to the pitch, and he doesn’t put much effort following it in his head, and as he reaches the end of the verse, he screws the promise to stay quiet and goes higher, stretching his notes for longer than necessary during ‘do you think about me’, and he doesn’t notice Hyungwon’s writing movement stop as he gets fully engulfed in his own singing. He twitches his face muscles with the lyrics, a habit he developed over the years to help him sound more emotional, and goes purposefully slower at ‘I know, I know, I know’, and saves the original growls in the next part. He sings all out during the chorus again, and goes soft at the English part, and powerful at the final chorus again, and finishes with almost a whisper.

He opens his eyes, and Hyungwon is still facing back to him, though motionless. “How was it?”

Hyungwon jerks his shoulders and just moves his head to look at him. He nods and his hand caresses his forearm, and Kihyun wonders whether it’s his singing or the memories the song evoked that made Hyungwon so zoned out. Hopefully the singing, because Kihyun doesn’t want him to think about anyone else but him only. 

“I can sing more,” Kihyun suggests, and Hyungwon nods and turns away. “Let’s think – Big Bang or Shinee? I can sing OSTs too, some old but gold classics, some new stuff, some rock,” Kihyun lists, and Hyungwon just shrugs with another quick turn of his head. “Oh, I have an idea.”

Kihyun fixes his position, hands places over his crossed feet, and starts ‘Hyeya’, the song he learned back in school and performed on their talent show. He drowns in his own voice, singing every word like it’s the last time he has the chance to open his mouth, and he goes softer at certain parts and louder at others. There’s piano in his head and he follows the melody, and he gets more asserted as he reaches the end of the verse, preparing for the projection of power, and he contracts his diaphragm to throw out the sound, and it’s clear, stable and nice, and Kihyun hears Hyungwon’s chair creak as he turns around, and he opens his eyes to see the other’s unreadable expression, and he sings for him, staring right at him, words reaching him only, and he feels more emotional than ever. 

Kihyun explores the power of his voice and searches for something in Hyungwon’s eyes, something that can indicate what’s on his mind, but he can’t recognise a single emotion as he deepens into his own, closing his eyes again and pushing through the second part of the chorus, and the couch shifts underneath as Hyungwon sits down, and he feels his stare on his face, but he can careless. He was told he looks good when he sings.

He finishes quietly, in a whisper, and takes a few breaths to relax. He opens his eyes and meets Hyungwon’s large and sparkly, and he looks in love. As if Kihyun is the only living human left on this earth, as if he is the most beautiful piece of art in a museum, as if he is a magical creature, and he feels it, he really feels all the sentiments through the other man’s eyes. Maybe his simple singing can cause all of it indeed. 

“Wow,” Hyungwon breathes out, face scarily motionless, and Kihyun gets a little bit scared. He knows he is good, but he can’t hypnotise or put people in trance. “I don’t have the words to express how,” he finally looks away and down, searching for something, “how you make me feel.” He looks up again. “You seriously are amazing, have I ever told you that?” Hyungwon asks with genuine hope and demand, as if he really wants Kihyun to know that, yes, he is amazing, so amazing he makes him fall in love more with every word he sings. 

Kihyun smiles, a little shy but impossibly grateful. “Yeah,” he looks down when he feels warmth crawling into his hand, and he accepts Hyungwon’s palm into his. “Thank you.”

Hyungwon takes both of Kihyun’s small hands in his and squeezes them. “I’m glad I got you.” He sighs and looks at the table with fleeing regret and twitches his eyebrow. “Seems like work is done for today.”

Kihyun smiles happily and moves closer to the other man. “Good.” He smiles sneakily and with his entire being shows how much he wants a kiss, and Hyungwon chuckles and lets go of his hands to squish his face between them.

Hyungwon leans in and kisses him, and they both close their eyes, because it’s pleasant and lovely, and they love kissing. The older has to admit that Kihyun is right and that inviting his boyfriend over just to sit down and do work is not the best pastime. Kihyun deepens the kiss and fervently sucks on the plump bottom lip, and decides that he wants more. He needs more. 

More contact, more tongues and teeth, more hands in his hair, more signs that he is desired. Kihyun climbs on Hyungwon’s lap, catching the other off guard, and continues ravishing his mouth, breathing faster and feeling excitement burning in his blood when he moves closer to touch the other’s clothed crotch with his, and Hyungwon buries his hands in his hair. 

Kihyun figures the other man wants to stop, grip on his hair tight and pulling back, so he presses himself closer to the other man, chest to chest and crotches practically rubbing off each other, and Hyungwon grabs his hair in a fist, attempting to push the younger away. Kihyun bites on the plump bottom lip, ignoring the pain in the skull, and Hyungwon has nothing else to do but to let him in and intertwine their tongues together. He quietly moans into the other’s mouth, and Hyungwon’s breathing gets harsher, and he moves his hands to Kihyun’s thighs, holding them in place, further from his crotch. He whines at the loss of contact but doesn’t have much time to languish when Hyungwon’s big hands stroke the smooth skin of his inner thigh, move to his hips and grasp his butt, and Kihyun moans into his mouth again, ecstatic at the contact initiated by the other man. 

He feels hands on his lower back, sliding under his t-shirt, and then Hyungwon pulls away abruptly and stares him in the eyes, calming down his breathing. Kihyun clicks his tongue and tries to kiss the other man again, but a hand on his chest stops him.

“Tell me if we’re going too far, Kihyun,” Hyungwon says softly and moves both hands to the younger’s knees resting on both sides of his hips. Kihyun grabs his boyfriend’s tiny dumb head and stares intently, determined to get his point across. 

“I want you, Hyungwon,” he says sternly, just how the other always does when he is disappointed, and squeezes his legs tighter around him. “I want you.”

“You want what, Kihyun?” there’s a smile in Hyungwon’s eyes, but his face remains relaxed. Seems like he needs an infinite amount of confirmation from Kihyun just to finally realise that, yes, he is actually ready to have fucking sex with him. Has been ready for months, for goodness’ sake. 

“I want you to fuck me, Hyungwon, is this clear enough?” Kihyun snarls and tugs at Hyungwon’s soft black locks. The other inhales sharply, and perhaps he feels him twitching in his pants. He just loves hearing Kihyun swearing, he really fucking does. “I want to have you dick in my ass, should I make this any clearer?” Hyungwon says nothing, staring up at him with his face absolutely blank and unreadable, and Kihyun feels more powerful than ever, finally looking taller than the other man. “I just want to have sex with you, in your bed, because it’s what loving, sexually active boyfriends do.” He finishes his reasoning and stares at the other expectantly, his face still captured in his tiny hands and keeping it in place, so Hyungwon has no chance of running away or even averting his gaze.

The other wraps his hands delicately around his wrists and pulls them from his face. Kihyun lets go and shifts backwards, suddenly unsure. He went too far, didn’t he. Maybe it’s not that Hyungwon was afraid that Kihyun wasn’t ready, maybe it’s Hyungwon who isn’t ready. Now he feels stupid. But they had sex before? Maybe Kihyun isn’t that wanted after all, maybe Hyungwon is too insecure about whatever he can be insecure about, maybe he just doesn’t want sex at all.

Kihyun forgets his train of thought when the hands are back on his skin under the t-shirt and the other’s lips are on his, opening his mouth and licking inside like he owns it. He does. 

“I want you too, Kihyun, so fucking much,” Hyungwon whispers into his mouth and kisses him immediately after, and Kihyun has red-eyed bulls running over his chest and his stomach from how much delight he’s experiences at this simple phrase. Halleluiah, he wants to sing. 

The hands on his back move down to squeeze his butt, before they slide inside the underwear and grope it properly, kneading at the only fleshy part Kihyun has left of his body, and he loves how much Hyungwon loves his ass, how he always has to resist the urge to slap it when they pass by each other in college, and how he scratches his skin and separates the halves, and his huge hands cover all of it, and it feels great. 

Kihyun twitches and his breath hitches, when the hands stroke his inner thighs, up and down, so close to his hardening dick, and Hyungwon bites his lips, plays with his tongue and does all the things obscene to make Kihyun go crazy, and the room is filled with their pants and smacks, and there’s never been this much saliva exchange, and they have no time to breathe or swallow whatsoever, and it drips from the corners of his mouth. Kihyun feels like a stereotypical cartoon guy from some badly drawn hentai, and he loves it, being completely dissolved in the vulgarity of the whole situation. 

Hyungwon’s hands crawl up his stomach under the t-shirt, scratching over soft muscles that acquire their shape every time Kihyun flexes under the tickling touch, and he squirms on the other’s lap. Hyungwon lets go of his mouth and kisses his neck, licking down the throat column and biting on the collarbone, while his hands graze Kihyun’s nipples and roll them between his fingers. He leaves the younger’s neck with a bite and moves his head down to switch his hands with his mouth and suck on each nipple in order, holding the piece of clothing up with a free hand, and Kihyun starts bouncing impatiently on his lap, exhaling high-pitched moans, hands pulling the other’s locks almost painfully. He can’t think, his mind is clouded with physical sensations and desire to get more, and his thighs twitch involuntarily with inability to close, because he is hard and untouched, and the more Hyungwon’s tongue explores his body, the more unbearable it gets. 

“Let’s go to the bedroom, I beg you,” Kihyun growls out through gritted teeth as he tries to breathe and control his body, too sensitive and affected. Fuck, one stroke over his knee makes him jiggle, and here he is receiving stimulation on all his sensitive areas. All, apart from his dick and something else only Hyungwon can reach. He wants to see the other naked so much, touch him, feel him, destroy him and get destroyed, and he groans when Hyungwon bites on his nipple and grabs the other’s crotch in return, making him hiss and bury his head in Kihyun’s chest, probably focusing on his own hard-on and trying not to get too aggressive, and he breathes in, looking up at Kihyun with glazed dark eyes, and this is the hottest he has ever seen the other man look. 

“You’ll have to get off me, unfortunately.” Hyungwon chuckles and licks over his lips, hands now resting on the couch below to let Kihyun go. “I can’t exactly carry you all the way down to the bed.”

Kihyun leaves another open kiss on the other’s mouth and climbs down, fixing his t-shirt, although he plans on taking it off anyways in the next minute. He waits for Hyungwon to get up from the couch and nearly chokes at the sight of the bulge in his suit pants, straining the fabric, and the loose clothing just about hides the clear outline. Kihyun wants it everywhere, he just wants his boyfriend’s dick, and he breathes excitedly, because he’s going to see it in literally no time. Hopefully Hyungwon will take him from the front, he wants to see the other’s face when he comes. 

He extends his hand, waits for his boyfriend to take it and lead him to his bedroom, even though he already knows the way. It’s more romantic this way. Hyungwon stops in front of the white wooden door leading to the bedroom and turns around to kiss him again, as if pulling back the moment they’re on each other, and Kihyun feels impatient, and the other only pushes the door open after the younger hisses an angry ‘come on’ into his mouth.

And it still smells like shower gels, aroma seeping through the open door of the bathroom, and a big white lamp in the corner is the only source of light, and Hyungwon lightly sits Kihyun on the edge of the bed, and he climbs towards the middle, hungry for the touch and attention, and leans against the headboard, bare legs in front of him, knees touching and feet apart, position teasing enough for Kihyun to bite on his lip and wait for Hyungwon to snap. The other can spread his legs as much as he wants, and Kihyun would gladly stretch the last of his muscles. 

Hyungwon crawls over to him, hands reaching for his knees immediately as expected, and Kihyun jerks upwards to catch the other man’s face and kiss him hard, and their breaths and tongues mingle together as Kihyun tries to balance on his ass and Hyungwon - on his knees, and they groan in unison too. He’s been waiting for the other to let himself go for what felt like eternity, he’s been trying to make him forget all precautions and stupid confirmations, been craving this much contact since the first time he saw Mr Chae walk into the classroom, and now he’s going to get fucked by his boyfriend whom he used to consider just a teacher a mere month ago. If this is not a dream, Hyungwon better prove it well.

They pull at Kihyun’s t-shirt together, sliding it over his head and throw it to the side, and Hyungwon is all over his body again, not even kissing anymore but purely biting at every centimeter of his chest, shoulders, stomach, and Kihyun swears he hears the other moan at the taste of his skin, ecstatic with the ability to touch his body however he wishes, prey upon him or fondle him – it doesn’t matter, Kihyun belongs to him, with all his hundred and seventy-something centimeters in height and fifty nine or less kilograms of weight, and Hyungwon loves all of him. He knows this and he sees this, now and every day. 

But Kihyun needs to know the extent to which the other man belongs to him, because he is still dressed and his skin is clean and unmarked, and it’s annoying. He loves his skin, his body – or rather, the outline of it – the one he sees through layers of clothes, through two undone bottoms on his shirt and tight ripped jeans, and never fully. He doesn’t even know what Hyungwon’s stomach looks like, what if he has abs? What if he has secret tattoos, or scars he wants to hide, or whatever else he think isn’t worth of seeing the light of the day? Kihyun wants to see, he craves the other’s bare skin on his, under his fingertips, feel it with his tongue and leave marks, and he wants to see how much more perfect can his boyfriend get. 

“Take it off, fucking take it off,” Kihyun whispers impatiently, tugging at the hem of the black t-shirt, and Hyungwon sits down on his heels, and Kihyun holds his breath, having no time to admire the other man taking off his shirt as he pulls it over his head in a blink of an eye, and Kihyun gets on his knees like a lightning, feeling saliva gathering in his mouth at the sight of his boyfriend’s thin but lean torso. He puts his hands on the tiny waist and attaches his mouth to the thin protruding collarbone, biting and moving down, and he loves his skin so much, its smooth caramel colour, the way it stretches over his chest, how clean and hairless it is, and he sucks on the dark little nipples, and Hyungwon presses his head closer, breathy moans escaping his mouth. Holy shit, he moans, he knows how to make sounds, and this makes Kihyun moan too, because the other’s voice goes straight to his dick. 

He moves down to kiss at the flat but firm stomach, and licks his way up the eleven-shaped abs that form when the other flexes at the sensitive touches, and Kihyun wishes he was a painter so Hyungwon could pose nude for him forever. Fully nude, without his pants too. 

He kisses the skin right above the waistband of his pants, hands already fumbling with the top button and the zipper, and Hyungwon gently pulls his hands away, undoing his pants himself, sliding them down, and Kihyun nearly lets his tongue fall out of his mouth at the sight of Hyungwon clothed erection, long outline clear and leaned to the side of his hip, and the other man falls on his butt to slide the pants completely off his legs and gets up again, and they’re pressed tight together in another open kiss, skin to skin, and it feels blissful, beatific and blasphemous in the way it felt unreachable and undreamed of some time ago. And now their bodies are at each other’s will, open to any touch, loved, desired, and Kihyun has never wanted sex as much as now, desiring not only immense pleasure but the complete unity with the man he loves and the man who loves him back. 

He takes off his underwear, and Hyungwon’s hands are on his ass in a second, kneading and patting the round plump halves. He’s had enough of this attack and though he knows his boyfriend has an obsession with his buttocks, he can’t let this go on forever. His mouth is tired of so much making out, he want something more in it, preferably Hyungwon’s dick, but the other man is stubborn and does nothing but touch Kihyun everywhere, worshipping his body like it’s the most beautiful and the tastiest thing on the planet, and he is having a hard time catching Hyungwon’s hands running along and across his parts and his tongue trailing every single curve, kissing every single stretch mark on his hip and spots on his chest and biting at the softest areas on his shoulders and on his neck.

“Your dick, Hyungwon, I want it.” Kihyun finally grabs his boyfriend’s head and whispers into his mouth, and the other kisses him instead, shortly, because still complies and moves away to give Kihyun enough space to observe him whole. He pulls his underwear down, and the hard long cock spring up, and Kihyun abuses his lips at the sight he’s been wanting to see for weeks, months even, and gosh, if this isn’t the best part of his boyfriend. Hyungwon slides his boxers off his legs by lifting his knees in order, and then he’s fully naked, open from all sides for Kihyun to enjoy, ravish, love, kiss and scratch, and more importantly, touch. Touch his beautiful long cock, make it painfully red and strained, and he reaches for it, grabbing at the base and gasping at the feel, because the skin is hot and gentle, and his small hand barely covers a half, and he wraps a second one around the tip and strokes down, spreading precome, and Hyungwon moans loudly and lowly, and Kihyun can’t see or feel anything apart from the prettiest piece of flesh in his hands and his boyfriend’s affected voice. 

There’s a warm sensation sliding from his balls and up along the shaft, and he feels Hyungwon’s fingers wrap around his own erection and stroking it all the way down, grazing the tip with his thumb, and Kihyun looks between their bodies to marvel at the contrast of Hyungwon’s huge thin hands covering him whole and his own two small hands having to move up and down continuously along the other’s long cock. He wants to sit on it, have it inside of him, feel it in his mouth and all across his body. Hyungwon can slap his face with his fucking dick, and Kihyun would fucking moan at the feel and get his tongue out to catch drips of cum on it. He is a fanatic for the other’s body, his every part, and he has no time for waiting and making it harder for himself with the images his mind is providing. 

Kihyun lets go of the other with massive difficulty and falls back, head on the pillow and legs spread just enough for the other man to see whatever he needs to see. “Come on, Mr Chae,” he makes his voice breathy and his eyes big and licks over his probably red abused lips, enjoying the aggressively hungry look Hyungwon is giving him, following his body down to the barely touching soft thighs and pretty clean hole facing him, and Kihyun squirms and contracts for the effect, raising his hips, “fuck me.” He bring a finger to his bottom lip and pouts just slightly, eyes forcefully innocent and eyebrows curved in shy question, and Hyungwon grabs his knees with strength, making Kihyun gulp loudly, and spread his legs in one swift motion, and Kihyun suddenly doesn’t have the ability to look the other in the eyes. He throws his head back, eyes closed, and sucks his stomach in, feeling intense gaze eating up every curve of the forming muscles, and he gasps loudly at the sudden sensation of teeth sinking into the soft skin of his thigh, and he can’t help the twitching in his legs that would probably squish the other’s small head if it weren’t for his hands holding them in place. 

“Sir,” Kihyun breathes out and whimpers and shakes when there is a kiss on his balls, going up along the shaft to his tip, and the sensation stops, and the hot breath disappears. He opens his eyes and searches for the other man and finds him just a bit further from him reaching for the drawer, and he sees a bottle of lube and a condom in his hands and breathes harder in anticipation. Fuck, they’re having sex. Their first proper one. It feels unreal. 

There’s a click, and a funny sound follows as Hyungwon pours liquid on his hand, and throws the bottle in the unknown direction, before hovering over Kihyun’s lower body again, and Kihyun shakes his legs in excitement. Hyungwon wraps slicked fingers around his erection again, and suddenly there’s a warm wet mouth on the tip, and Kihyun moans, because he loves his boyfriend’s lips, his mouth, how much it can fit in, and how passionately he sucks him off, as if his dick is the tastiest candy he has ever tried, and he loves the wet warmth surrounding him when Hyungwon takes him deeper, and he looks down to see unusually sharp eyes looking up at him, and he smoothly slides up and releases his dick, and Hyungwon’s lips are slick and red and full, and his face has never looked hotter than now, when the other man is naked, with his hands covered in lube and Kihyun’s dick next to his face. They look harmoniously great together. 

Kihyun pushes his hips forward, and Hyungwon takes him again and grabs his balls, and then there’s another warm wet sensation around his rim, and he moans, because this is the best thing ever. He dreamed of Hyungwon’s fingers inside of him for long enough that his collection of dildos looks miserable in comparison, because the other’s fingers are long, thin, with short nice nails, aesthetic to look at and think about, and they are a perfect warm up to Hyungwon’s cock. His fingertips circle the tight muscles, and Kihyun gets ready. He hasn’t gotten laid for a while, but for Hyungwon he will gladly become the most obedient pliant baby, loving everything the other does, and he feels a finger pushing in, and he contracts around it at first, but forgets anything exists when the other’s tongue licks quickly over the tip and he slides down again, bopping his head and sucking on his dick fast and wet at the same time as slowly pushing in, and Kihyun is drugged. He whines and shakes his thighs as all of his nervous collect in the lower part of his body, coiling and curling tightly, and then there is a stretch as Hyungwon adds a second finger. Kihyun breathes harder, mind lost and focusing on too many things at once, and he collects all his whines in his lungs, releasing them through tightly shut lips, and then Hyungwon finds it, and Kihyun gasps with his mouth open, and it’s amazing. 

He pushes against Hyungwon’s fingers, and the other moans around his cock, and there are too many sensations, and they are fast, and they spread through his entire body just to gather back somewhere deep in his lower stomach, and he whines, loudly, shamelessly, and then cries out incontrollable moans when Hyungwon’s hand gets faster and his fingers hit his prostate every single time, and his thighs shake more and out of any rhythm. Hyungwon slows down again, adding another finger, and Kihyun feels the stretch but reacts to nothing but pleasure, and he doesn’t know how long he can carry on, because his dick starts twitching, the pit of his stomach burns in desire for release, and it’s then when Hyungwon lets him out of his mouth and starts kissing his thighs instead, and perhaps Kihyun is relieved that he can go for longer for Hyungwon, but he wants to come and the pleasure is getting too strong. 

Hyungwon stops and slowly pulls his fingers out, and Kihyun is empty, and he feels his hole fluttering around nothing, and he needs the other’s cock, gosh, he needs him inside. Hyungwon suddenly lifts his hips and lands them on a pillow he put underneath, and Kihyun bites on his lower lip and looks at his boyfriend who’s busy rolling a condom down his dick and covering it with lube, and their eyes meet, and there’s so much in the dark gaze above him, both undying affection and deadly desire, and it’s so hard to resist a soft whine of ‘sir’ slipping from his lips, and Hyungwon inhales sharply and grabs his hips, lining up, and Kihyun throws his head back again at the feeling of a warm tip pressed to his entrance, and he is so ready for this. His boyfriend is going to fuck him, and it will be filled with so much love and feelings, but it will also be hot as fuck, and he doesn’t know what to concentrate on. 

Hyungwon pushes in slowly, hands still gripping Kihyun’s hips tightly, and there’s nothing around him but his boyfriend’s cock inside of him, and he is filled so well. Hyungwon grunts and breathes harshly, and Kihyun knows it’s hard for him to stay collected, and Kihyun contracts around him and pushes his hips against Hyungwon, and the other moans hoarsely, from his chest, like he’s been holding it in there forever, and Kihyun sees his arms flexing hard as he readjusts his hips again and starts moving, and he hits it right on-spot, and they moan in unison. Kihyun starts pushing too, disregarding the uncomfortable position, and they get faster, falling into a rhythm, and the pleasure builds up in his body, in this pile of nerves, and he groans at the hot sound of skin slapping. He loves the sounds, the sound of their voices going off tune in pleasure, the wet smacking, and the bed creaking, and he can come untouched just basking in the feeling of the other’s cock in him and the image they create, the two of them fucking like they were made to do it together. 

Hyungwon leans in, releasing his hips and holding himself above Kihyun with his elbows, and he kisses him, no, doesn’t even kiss him, but sucks on his tongue, mouths open and saliva mixing, and they moan together, and Hyungwon slows down to calm down just a little bit. “Do you,” he swallows and breathes deeper, and Kihyun can see sweat dripping from his forehead and drops sliding down his neck, and he is sure he looks no dryer, “do you want to ride me?” Hyungwon asks in between pants, and Kihyun nods in the lack of words, and Hyungwon pulls out and collapses next to him. Kihyun whimpers at the loss but collects himself and climbs over the other man and grabs his erection, and his cock in exactly how he wants it to be, red and veins popping; too bad there is a condom on it.

He leads the cock to his entrance and pushes the tip in, and lets go when he feels comfortable enough to slide down on his own, and fuck, he does, he loves his boyfriend’s dick, and his ass loves it too, and he feels his butt touching the damp skin of the other man’s thigh, and he rolls his hips, and Hyungwon grips his waist and moans, and pushes Kihyun down every time he goes up, and it’s so hot, so obscenely loud and wet, and they both sweat and lose strength in their muscles. Kihyun rolls his hips, moves his stomach in accordance, creating a whole show out of his body just for Hyungwon to bite his lip and moan at the sight, and he plays with his nipples, and it’s so much, too much, and he whimpers, bouncing faster and faster, switching from trying hard to selfish and chasing his release. Hyungwon takes his cock in his hand and starts pumping it, and Kihyun contracts and shakes, squeezing his eyes and scratching Hyungwon’s stomach, and they are both close, and the rapid strokes over his dick are so wet, tight, and his rhythm falters.

Kihyun doesn’t have time to even breathe when Hyungwon suddenly sits up and wraps his arms around him, and they move their hips barely in sync, and the other collects the last of his strength to turn them around again, landing Kihyun on his back, still inside of him and arms wrapped protectively, and they kiss whenever they’re not moaning, and Hyungwon goes fast, so fast, scraping short nails over Kihyun’s thigh and moving back to his erection, and the pleasure is too much, it’s so tight in his groin, and he cries, eyes squeezed shut as he whines and twitches through the pleasure, and he flexes his stomach almost painfully when he comes in Hyungwon’s fist and between them, and he feels tears streaming down his temples. Hyungwon groans out a moan and twitches inside of him, hips moving on instincts, on the last contraction of muscles, and he comes too, and his face is so beautiful, so painfully blissed out, and he sways his hips in the last streaks of pleasure and stops. 

He collapse on top of Kihyun, and there’s nothing but their hot panting, and Kihyun buries his hands in the other’s damp hair and wraps his legs comfortable around the other’s waist, pulling him closer. He doesn’t want him to go yet. He loves the full feeling being with Hyungwon gives him, he loves his wet skin on his, his breath tickling him, he loves him ever when he’s sweaty and his bony but heavy body is squishing him into the mattress. He will probably have bruises left from the other’s bones sticking into him, but it’s all right, he loves him anyways. They just had sex, and they’re lying together, oblivious to discomfort and unpleasant sticky liquids covering the skin and the probably stuffy hot air in the room, but nothing matters when they’re like this, blissed out from the orgasm and breathing in sex and each other’s presence. 

Hyungwon sighs and grunts, raising on his weak elbows to look into Kihyun’s face, and he kisses him, really kisses him, lips on lips and gentle, as if saying thank you, I love you, and Kihyun smiles into it. 

“Oh, my god, did you cry?” Hyungwon asks with a tiny laugh, and brings his hands to Kihyun’s face as much as he can in this position and caresses his wet cheeks with his thumbs. 

He nods and presses his hands to the back of Hyungwon’s. “You make me emotional.” It’s not a lie, but it isn’t quite why he cried, but he wants to get cleaned up first before getting into deep after-sex talks. 

Hyungwon coos and kisses his cheeks. Kihyun grumbles something about come on his stomach, and the other pulls out slowly, and Kihyun is so empty and lonely, and he just lies there with his knees still bent and waits for his boyfriend to get rid of the used condom and bring a towel. He doesn’t need to go far as there is a rubbish bin right below the nightstand and a pack of wet tissues right in the drawer, and Kihyun huffs at the lazy practicality. Hyungwon wipes his stomach and kisses it again, and the younger half laughs half groans, because it’s ticklish and cute and sudden, and Hyungwon giggles into his skin. He cleans wherever he thinks there is drying cum and just throws the dirty tissues in the bin with a shrug, and Kihyun wants to get mad and kick his ass in the shower, because they both keep sweating in the stuffy bedroom with windows closed and heater on, but Hyungwon straight up falls on top of him, between his legs, and buries his forehead in his chest, and there is no way Kihyun can move. 

“You’re gross,” he grumbles out but brings his hands to Hyungwon’s head anyways. The other simply hums, and it’s quite for a few moments. Kihyun possibly shakes and sniffs, sudden emotionality stinging his eyes and filling his nose with snot, and he blushes hard, because it’s not the time, heart. The other raises his head and smiles.

“Why are you crying?” he balances on his elbows again and grabs Kihyun’s head, so much endearment and fondness in his eyes, and Kihyun is having a hard time holding back involuntary whimpers.

“I don’t know,” he wipes his eyes and sniffs, and Hyungwon’s smile grows so affectionate that perhaps there is another stream of tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “I just,” he places his hands around Hyungwon’s tiny biceps and strokes the skin unconsciously, “I never felt so good during sex with anyone, and it feels better knowing that you love me, and all that.” He sniffs and wants to bury his face in the sand and never see the sun again, because getting this emotional after fucking is purely embarrassing.

Hyungwon finds it adorable though. He pinches his cheeks and proceeds to hold his entire head between his arms, and Kihyun is possibly suffocating, but he’d rather hide his crying face somewhere close to the other man’s armpits than show it to the world. He calms down and Hyungwon releases him, leaves another kiss on his lips and shifts down to like on his chest. 

He raises his head again the next second. “Is it okay that I’m smashing you into the bed?”

Kihyun forces his head down. “It’s good. I like having weight on top of me, it’s comforting. I feel protected.” He mindlessly goes through Hyungwon’s hair and can’t believe that this relationship is giving him the only things he ever wanted. Even more than that. Hyungwon is giving him so much, and Kihyun possibly wants to cry again, because this overwhelming flood of happiness is something he has never experienced with anyone else. 

Hyungwon hums with a grin tugging at his lips. “Such a baby boy thing to say.”

Kihyun pushes the laughing man off himself and gets ready to beat him up, but long thin arms wrap around his back and press him tightly to the warm chest, and Kihyun gives up, because, fine, he is the baby in this relationship, he’s taken care of and he’s loved like never before. And Hyungwon pays attention to his every need, no matter how big or small, and encourages them too, giving so much and not asking for anything in return. Kihyun deserves it though, he knows he does, Hyungwon showed him. He showed him enough love, and he will show him more with every passing day of their relationship. 

 

 

Some beautiful boring night they sit in Hyungwon’s bathtub filled with bubbles and wash each other’s backs. It’s Hyungwon’s turn to scrub him, and he’s using a big turquoise round loofah to vigorously scratch at Kihyun’s skin. 

“And so, as I was saying, when you compose your evaluation, you should refer to all the things you wrote before, because you always drift off to some foreign topics and make it hard to see the actual point.” Hyungwon is bubbling about academics, and Kihyun quietly moans at the feel of his skin being literally scraped off his bones with all its dirt and tiredness. “Oh, you have a spot on your shoulder blade,” Hyungwon randomly says and strokes over his entire shoulder with a soapy hand. 

“What? Where?” Kihyun tries to look over his shoulder but to no avail, and Hyungwon laughs at his occasional stupidity. He pats his spine, calming down his breathing.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it. Look, I have one on my chest too.” Kihyun turns around as much as he can in a narrow tub while sitting, and Hyungwon spread his arms wide to expose his entire bony torso as if there is a lot to show, and Kihyun just huffs. It’s not even visible.

“Whatever.” He rolls his eyes and feels how Hyungwon circles his right side with his palm and his left with the loofah, and the sensations are way too different to be comfortable. “I mean, I get that I have to summarise things I already talked about and make sense of them, but I’m trying to be creative, let me live.”

Hyungwon chuckles. “And I appreciate it, but do you want to get a high grade or not?” He splashes his back with water and orders Kihyun to turn around and face him, and Kihyun complies, getting up just enough to change his position, but the other still finds the moment to slap his wet soapy butt cheek, and Kihyun plops back into the water and purposefully splashes some into his boyfriend’s face. The other tries to protest, which results in a huge radiating smile instead, and squeezes his eyes, and Kihyun is proud. When he’s done wiping his wet face with his wet hands, Hyungwon reaches behind him to grab a flat round container of something. “Let’s put a mask on your face.” 

Kihyun spread his legs so his knees touch the sides of the tub and leans forward, waiting for Hyungwon to undo the cap. He grabs a handful of limey green thick substance and smears it directly on Kihyun’s face.

“I thought you people in literature love all sorts of creativity.” He stretches the skin on his chin to let Hyungwon spread a good amount of mask on it as well.

“Yes, indeed, but it’s not the only thing that matters when your essay counts for your final grade for the semester, do you see my point?” The other brushes Kihyun’s wet bangs completely off his forehead and applies the substance there, and he finally feels it stinging his skin.

“You can always just be my private tutor, what’s the problem.” Kihyun knows what’s the problem, but hates admitting it and pesters the other man instead on no end, and the answer is always the same.

“You know why I can’t, baby.” He hands the container to him and leans forward too, and his makeupless face is so pretty, his skin is smooth caramel and his nose is worth a kiss, but there is a challenge of flexibility and Hyungwon’s long uncontrollable legs in front of them preventing him from reaching his goals with his lips, and Kihyun can only extend his hand to spread the mask all over the other’s cheek. “Which is why you have to study a lot on your own, Kihyun.” He takes his time spreading the mask equally, applying one thin layer all over his face first and the second one on more dodgy areas, such as his nose and everything around it, and makes sure not to get too close to the other’s sensitive eyes, and leans back with a satisfied grin at his good job.

“Who needs working when I have a boyfriend to busy myself with?” He hands the container back to Hyungwon and hides his hands underwater to slide up his boyfriend’s lean round calves, and the other gives him a disappointed look. 

“We are not having a bathtub sex with our face masks on.” Hyungwon completely cuts any attempts at getting him hard and bothered and gets up, water dripping from his naturally tanned beautiful body, and steps out of the tub. 

Kihyun sulks and pouts, because Hyungwon hides himself in a massive white towel, wrapping it below his armpits like a lady, and goes to twist the drain stopper to let the water go down. Kihyun sighs and gets up, and there’s a fluffy towel wrapping around him immediately, and, fine, he loves his boyfriend, whether he does his work for him or not. 

“Let’s eat.” Hyungwon leaves, and Kihyun can only follow him. 

“How are you supposed to eat with a mask on?” Kihyun wonders and leans against the kitchen counter, observing Hyungwon observing the fridge. He really doesn’t buy food. 

“Trust me, I’ll find a way.” The other mumbles and gets out a container with takeout fried chicken they got a while ago, and Kihyun cringes at how seriously bad the other is at taking care of himself.

“Did you know that you’re gross?” he doesn’t plan on eating any of that old stuff, and there is a shiver running down his bare limbs and spine at the sight of Hyungwon sniffing the poor chicken and shrugging with his eyebrows, probably considering it edible. 

“You love me though.” The other throws the dry cold food from the container onto the plate and puts it in the microwave, and Kihyun rolls his eyes, because, fine, he really does love him, ever though he eats old chicken that’s been lying in his otherwise empty fridge for days. 

Hyungwon approaches him, realises he can’t kiss his mask-covered lips and hugs the younger, and their skin is a little cold after the hot bath, and they probably look ridiculous in their towels wrapped under their armpits and with their limey green masks on, but they are cute, and the chicken is warm, and Hyungwon is going to eat his late night dinner, and Kihyun will observe his always pretty face and mentally cry at how nice and domestic their relationship feels like.

 

Some calm cozy afternoon Kihyun is cooking curry at Hyungwon’s, while the other man stresses out over his thesis and stupid freshmen fucking up his schedule, and he feels pity for his boyfriend, so he makes him food. 

“There you are.” He puts a large portion of rice curry on Hyungwon’s plate and sits opposite him around the kitchen bar counter, and the other goes straight for his food, moaning at the taste. 

“For fuck’s sake, who taught you to cook?” the other stuffs another spoon into his mouth and rolls his eyes. “It’s delicious, and,” he emphasises out loudly and nearly chokes, so he points a spoon in Kihyun’s direction and chews diligently, “it feels like heaven, because I haven’t eaten in what feels like months,” he stops moving his jaws and looks up, counting something in his head. “When was the last time I ate? Five hours ago or before I went to bed last night?” he shrugs and continues eating. “Whatever, I love food. Cook for me more, I really need it.” Hyungwon says and shuts up, and Kihyun can enjoy the pleasant sight of his boyfriend, elbows on the table and propping his cheeks. Hyungwon looks adorable. 

The calm settles for two seconds, until the other man raises his head again and gives Kihyun a confused, disapproving look, swallowing the food down. 

“Why aren’t you eating?”

“Don’t wanna,” Kihyun replies and hides the short smile in his cheeks.

Hyungwon splits his portion in half and moves one towards the end of the plate with his spoon. “Here, this is for you.”

“No, it’s alright, I cooked it for you, so this is yours, you need it more.”

Hyungwon brushes his tongue over his front teeth and his lips look funny, but Kihyun knows this gesture means irritation, and suddenly, he is not that ready to face it. “You need food too.”

“I like watching you eat,” is the only excuse Kihyun can give, and Hyungwon’s face is plainly unreadable, but it possibly says that he, Kihyun, is an idiot. But it’s true, the other looks so cute while eating, his cheeks get bigger and he raises his eyebrows funnily when he swallows, and it’s just overall pleasing to see him enjoy something in this life.

“What if I like watching you eat too? It’s my house, have food.” Hyungwon puts his spoon down and moves his plate towards Kihyun, and they mirror each other, hands and elbows flat on the table and eyes glazing with obvious intention to fight. Verbally, because they are intelligent but weak. 

“It’s the food that I cooked, I decide who has it.”

“I own this place, I decide who eats.”

“I own this kitchen.” Hyungwon never cooks, so yes, Kihyun owns this kitchen, at least because he knows the difference between pans and pots. 

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, more than you!” Kihyun exclaims and feels betrayed, because this kitchen fits him better, and the other is just a decoration.

“I live here more than you, I pay rent and I even bought the furniture, including the stuff in this kitchen,” Hyungwon says calmly, as if already knowing he won. 

“I’m going to live here soon too!” he isn’t sure this is a valid argument, but it’s possible. There hasn’t been a week when Kihyun didn’t stay at his boyfriend’s place for a night or two or three in a row, so maybe, he should just move in. Proposing it in the argument seems like a good plan.

Hyungwon chuckles and moves his plate back to him. “If you want to live here, you have to eat.”

Kihyun groans out in frustration, because, fine, he knows he has to, he knows his boyfriend is one of a kind beautiful creature and he loves Kihyun, with all his quirks and soft thighs that never go away, and gets up, his stool screeching loudly on the floor, and goes to get a plate and have some curry. 

 

Some beautiful bright morning Kihyun wakes up early, washes his face and brushes his teeth, dresses in Hyungwon’s huge home clothing he discarded on the floor the previous night, and goes to the kitchen to start making breakfast. He’s done, and it’s time to go to college, but his teacher is still sleeping, and it’s his job to wake him up, because he doesn’t want them both to be late. 

He walks into into the bedroom loudly and jumps on top of a lump under the blanket.

“Hyungwon, morning!” he shouts into his sleeping boyfriend’s ear, and the body underneath him shifts. “Wake up! Time to rise and shine! Time to go to work and get disappointed with the intellect of the humanity!” he keeps shouting, shaking the lump from side to side, and something groans. 

He pushes the blanket down to reveal a head covered in black long tangles and bare shoulders, and the head groans again. The heavy curtains are half open and there’s a little bit of light in the room, and Kihyun brushes the hair back to look at his boyfriend’s puffy face and closed eyes. 

“Wake the fuck up,” he whispers and shakes his shoulders, and Hyungwon turns to the other side, away from the sunlight, and growls quietly, still asleep. Kihyun is about to coo, pinch his puffy cheeks, kiss his dry and open lips, ruffle his messy hair, making it an even bigger mess, and touch him wherever he can reach, while the other man is still asleep, but Kihyun is, unfortunately, a bitch and wants to be escorted to college in a car. 

So he tugs at the blanket and rips it from Hyungwon’s hands that clutch onto it, and lets the light shine onto the caramel skin. The other’s stomach looks even smaller in the morning with no food in it whatsoever, and it falls to the side in a tiny bump, and Kihyun needs to show off the amazing breakfast he made to feed his boyfriend. Hyungwon releases a chesty growl, unhappy at the immediate cold covering his body, and his fingers search for something to hold onto, but there is nothing. Kihyun turns the other to lie on his back and kisses his way down the hollow stomach to the hip, and Hyungwon groans with his mouth open now and kicks his legs. 

“Get off me,” he slurs half asleep in a hoarse low voice, body shifting from side to side in attempt to make Kihyun climb off his hips. The younger just laughs ominously and throws the blanket off his boyfriend’s body completely, and Hyungwon whines in annoyance. 

“Look, even Hyungwon junior is awake,” Kihyun cups his boyfriend’s balls gently and suddenly falls over to the side, a leg kick he received from behind rapidly imprinting on his back. 

“Don’t molest me in the morning when I’m sleeping, you twat,” Hyungwon murmurs and slides the blanket up to his hips, eyes now open and staring at the ceiling in blurry contemplation. 

Kihyun climbs off the bed. “Your breakfast is ready, get up,” he commands and crosses his arms, waiting for the other to at least show some kind of movements. 

Hyungwon sighs deeply and sits up with a lot of effort, and his entire face is puffy, and his eyelids are unevenly hooded, and his double chin is visible when he lowers his head to scratch his back and his chest, and his skin is dry, and his hair is one big tangle, but it’s the man Kihyun loves and he is still cute. 

“Let me at least take a piss and wash my face or something,” he mumbles and gets up, blanket prints spreading from his butt to his thighs, and Kihyun tries to hide his laughter. Hyungwon picks up a random t-shirt and puts it on, and it barely reaches his thighs, and Kihyun leaves to the kitchen to get the counter table ready. 

Hyungwon appears in the kitchen a minute later, with his face a little bit wet and still in just a t-shirt, but Kihyun can see that the other at least had the decency to put some boxers on. Those were probably on the floor too. 

“Here, pancakes,” Kihyun says and puts a plate full of nicely smelling pancakes in front of Hyungwon, who barely balances half sitting on the bar stool with his legs still somehow touching the ground. 

Hyungwon hums in acknowledgement and continues staring into the distance. Kihyun, being fully awake and ready to conquer the world, is annoyed and feels depleted of attention, and while his boyfriend in this state, he will get none of it. 

Kihyun unceremoniously puts his hands on Hyungwon’s bare knees and lifts his shirt up enough to reveal a bulge in the other’s underwear, and Hyungwon yelps in surprise, Kihyun’s actions too much for his sleeping brain.

“Why now?” Hyungwon groans out and looks down at Kihyun hunching over his crotch. He can’t sit on his knees, because he won’t reach the other, so he has to hunch, and it hurts his back, and he really doesn’t want to suck his boyfriend off before they take a shower, but if Hyungwon doesn’t wake up now and start on his food, they’ll never shower and will go to college with boners. 

“Because you only think with your fucking penis in the morning, Mr Chae,” Kihyun rolls his eyes at the obvious information and gets his boyfriend’s cock out, half hard and totally anticipating something good, unlike his owner, who still seems frantically asleep. Once he has Hyungwon’s dick in his hands, it’s over for him. He can finish him either ways, so the other better wake the fuck up soon. 

Hyungwon hums a tiny moan at the nickname he adores with his entire being and closes his eyes when Kihyun just brushes the tip with his thumb, spreading precome and forcing his cock to stand straighter, and he gives it slow strokes up and down along the entire length, and perhaps Hyungwon finally synchronises with his organ and wakes up too, because he moans quietly and blindly finds Kihyun’s arm for stability. Stability was short-lived though, because Kihyun lowers his upper body and presses his lips to the tip, smearing the precome all over them and closing his eyes, because Hyungwon’s dick is always the best thing to have for breakfast. 

He sucks on the tip, and the other finds his hand in Kihyun’s slightly greasy hair, and they are probably both disgustingly dirty and need shower as soon as possible, but he can’t think about anything other than helping his boyfriend get off and make him in time for class. So he goes down, tongue flat, and takes deeper to where he’s comfortable, then up to the tip, and deeper again, relaxing his throat and doing his best to take as much as he can, ignoring the gag reflex that’s always there in the morning when his stomach is empty and blissed out, because morning food is somehow always hard to eat. His digestive organs wake up last, it’s always been this way. 

Hyungwon moans, and Kihyun deepthroats him repeatedly, stroking along the length where he can’t reach and massaging his balls, and the other throws his head back and seems a little bit unstable, because his legs shake and his hips threaten to fall off the stool, and Kihyun speeds up, and it’s so wet and slick, and he’s probably drooling from the corners of his mouth, but it doesn’t matter, because the grip in his hair tightens and Hyungwon moans louder, and it’s the only thing Kihyun needs to know the other is not going to go back to sleep any time soon. 

He himself is hard too, and his only hope is shower, so he moans around the cock in his mouth, sending vibrations all the way up Hyungwon’s body, and, feeling the release coming, sucks on the tip and licks over the hole repeatedly, while stroking fast with his hands, and Hyungwon’s hips budge forward, and he twitches, and Kihyun lets go and opens his mouth widely, tongue out, and hold the other’s dick to aim right for his face, and Hyungwon comes with a long moan and a pull of his hair. Kihyun catches the drips with his tongue and licks over his lips, holding cum in his mouth and waiting for Hyungwon to look down on him, and there is a white streak sliding from the corner of his lips. The other exhales and lowers his head, and after establishing the torturously intense eye contact, Kihyun swallows, Adam’s apple moving up and down visibly, and Hyungwon sighs incredulously. Kihyun just loves being a little bit extra to impress his boyfriend, so what. 

He hides the other’s penis back in the boxers, gets up and looks Hyungwon in the eyes, and the other is very awake – tired and probably a little bit shaken from early morning orgasm, but awake. He leans forward, and Kihyun puts his hands on his chest to stop him.

“I just had your dick in my mouth and you didn’t brush your teeth, it’s going to be a little bit disgustingly gross.” Kihyun smiles sweetly, goes over the counter to sit on another barstool and nods at the pancakes in front of Hyungwon. “Breakfast is served.” 

Hyungwon rolls his eyes and slides his tongue over his front teeth in pretense annoyance, but takes his fork and knife anyways, and it’s a good morning. It’s a nice arrangement, really – Hyungwon has Kihyun’s cooking for breakfast, and Kihyun has Hyungwon. 

 

Some fine fancy evening Kihyun knocks on Hyungwon’s door, full of exhaustion and despair, tired after a whole day of studying with his dumb groupmates when his boyfriend left work early like a fucking middle-aged wanker he is, and Kihyun deserves to be showered with love and care now, and he literally barges into the door when it opens and reveals a shocked Hyungwon on the doorstep, and Kihyun stumbles into his apartment and takes his shoes off in one kick.

“You, sir, are a fucking moron, and you have to love me and dedicate your precious time and dick to me for the rest of this fucking day,” he grunts as he falls into his boyfriend’s arms and kisses his neck. The other is wearing black t-shirt and black sweatpants, and the entire apartment smells like food, and it’s unusual, but Kihyun doesn’t complain, maybe his boyfriend decided to be kind enough and order him food. No way would he cook on his own.

“Hey, Kihyun, can you,” Hyungwon grabs his head and forces him to look up, “tone it down a little?” he whispers and looks a little terrified, and Kihyun clicks his tongue and frees himself from the embrace just to tumble on the couch. 

“No, it’s your duty to take care of me and listen to my complains when I’m tired.” He whines and puts his backpack under his head to lie comfortably, and he glances at Hyungwon’s very worried and embarrassed face, and he really starts to wonder why, because it’s not the first time Kihyun is fucked in the brains with his studying and too many social interactions, but he is too tired to think and just clicks his tongue again. 

Hyungwon’s eyes are wide with an awkward smile that tells him to shut up and be quiet and he nods to his right, in the direction of the kitchen, and Kihyun frowns, and the other speaks with his face muscles like a crazy person, and Kihyun’s heart stops when he hears footsteps approaching, and he looks up, and suddenly, Mr Shin’s face pops up from the corner of the corridor, and Kihyun only has a very loud and aggressive ‘fuck’ on his mind. 

“Hey, Kihyun, nice to see you again.” Mr Shin smiles and waves with a big cooking spoon. Kihyun feels like dying. 

He groans and buries his face in the couch, unwilling to see the light of the day again. That went well, he totally did not just explicitly swore at his teacher and mentioned his genitals, and he definitely didn’t crash on his couch and whined to him in the presence of another teacher. Except he did, and that’s disappointing. 

In his defense though, Hyungwon didn’t tell him that Mr Shin was coming over, so he had absolutely no idea how to behave. He still doesn’t, but it’s even more embarrassing to leave now. 

“Kihyun, come here,” Hyungwon shouts from the kitchen, and he mentally cries. He’s never been close to Mr Shin outside of classes, even though he is his boyfriend’s best friend. It’s just awkward. He can ride Hyungwon’s dick while the other is wearing his formal teacher clothes and scream his favourite ‘sir’ right into his face, but talking to Mr Shin outside of college and, moreover, calling him by his first name is beyond his social abilities. Plus he’s dating his best friend, so, no, Mr Shin is cancelled.

But Minhyuk always texts him and rants to him about how amazing ‘Hoseok’ is and that they should go on a five-way date, because they shouldn’t forget Hyunwoo, but Kihyun is a coward and a selfish prick who doesn’t like doing sacrifices unless they benefit him. Which is—which is totally the case with Mr Shin.

He jumps off the couch and waddles to the kitchen. It smells like food, and he sees Hyungwon and his classics teacher crowding around the stove and shouting, both holding cooking utensils and aiming them at each other, and it looks like a mess.

“Ah, Kihyun, help us!” Mr Shin exclaims and pulls an aggressive-looking but laughing Hyungwon off himself, and Kihyun kind of freezes, not sure what to do, because he possibly wants the boys – men – to have fun, but at the same time he wants to join too, but being around Mr Shin is awkward, and so he just stands there, waiting for instructions. 

“We’re cooking chicken teriyaki, but it’s hard, so here,” Hyungwon extends him a long wooden spoon and guides him to the stove. Kihyun reluctantly follows, but once he sees the mess in the pan, his only reaction is to click his tongue loudly and forget all his resolutions, because saving two nearly-thirty-year-old men from starvation is his primary mission now.

“Neither of you are allowed to cook.” He shakes his head and proceeds to save the chicken by tasting the sauce and figuring out what’s wrong with it.

“Hey, I was actually cooking, and this idiot was messing everything up!” Mr Shin outright whines and gently pushes Hyungwon with his wide muscular shoulder, and Kihyun has his protective instincts on, but chicken is more important. 

“You forgot to grab our takeout, so it’s your fault we started this in the first place!” Hyungwon complains back and gets into a comic fighting position, and Mr Shin mirrors him, and they look like nerds who argue over stuff like best anime yandere girl or what is better, Marvel or DC, and Kihyun shuts his lips tight to contain his laugh.

It’s quiet for a while. Kihyun mixes the sauce slowly on the low fire and feels a couple of stares on his back, and turns around to see his boyfriend and Mr Shin admiring his beautiful cooking posture.

“Such a catch, Hyungwon, what a good groomie you found for yourself, what a good man, wow,” Mr Shin whispers with a weird accent in a creaky high pitched voice, and Hyungwon pushes his elbow off the counter.

“Fuck off, auntie.” Hyungwon rolls his eyes, and Kihyun feels the high of the atmosphere getting into his head.

“Mr Chae would be a good groomie too if he helped me with my work.” He smiles with a corner of his mouth and glares at his boyfriend, and the other rolls his eyes. 

“You know that I legally can’t be your tutor, Kihyun.”

Hyungwon sounds tired, like he always does when Kihyun brings up the topic of his tutoring, and Mr Shin’s face lights up with something promising. 

“He can’t, but I can.” The oldest man says, and Hyungwon gives him a dramatically confused look.

“You’re his teacher too.”

“Yeah, but not in your subject, duh.” Mr Shin exaggerates with his eyes, as if it’s obvious, and Hyungwon shuts up with a short ‘huh’. “I might not be as amazing in reading books like this nerd, but I’m pretty clever, so hit me up.” Mr Shin smiles, and it’s a really pretty smile, the one you never want to disappear. Honestly, Kihyun could easily fall for this man too, if only he wasn’t so extremely fascinated with Hyungwon, the man of his dreams and the love of his life, but he sees where Minhyuk gets the appeal. Mr Shin seems really cool outside of his teaching job.

“I mean, if you don’t mind,” Kihyun makes puppy eyes and smiles gently, standing small and asking, and he sees Hyungwon melting just slightly. 

Mr Shin pouts with a very sad painful ‘aw’, as if he just witnessed a puppy getting kicked. “How can you possibly deny this tiny adorable child some precious education? You monster.” Mr Shin nearly cries and gets up to leave the kitchen. “Come on, let me write your essay for you.” He gestures in the direction of the living, and Kihyun beams and ignores being called tiny, because finally there is someone who is willing to help him with his work. Even if it’s Mr Shin, his teacher and his boyfriend’s best friend. 

“Look after my chicken, please,” Kihyun says passing by a deeply sighing Hyungwon and gives him a light peck on his cheek. 

Mr Shin piles a bunch of Hyungwon’s paper to the side of the table and sits on the chair, waiting for Kihyun. They settle, and Kihyun feels awkward again, but it’s okay now somehow, it’s better than before.

Mr Shin gives him a fond stare. That’s awkward – cute, but awkward, because there is no reason for this much softness, and Kihyun looks away. The man smiles and leans on the desk. “Call me Hoseok, okay?” he says quietly, fitting the atmosphere, and Kihyun exhales, because he knew this day would come, but it came way too quickly. This reminds him of how Hyungwon told him to call him by his first name too some time ago. 

He nods and opens his laptop, trying to escape hell knows what. 

“Kihyun, I know I’m your teacher, but you’re dating my best friend, who also happened to be your teacher, and I’m dating your best friend.” Mr Shin’s voice is very gentle and nice when he doesn’t shout at his class. When it’s calm and the lighting is homey and dim, he can relax. At least a little bit more than usually. “I literally hear stories about how great sex with you is every day, I don’t think there is a line we can’t cross anymore.” Mr Shin adds with a raise of his eyebrows, and Kihyun chokes on his saliva. “Come on, I know Minhyuk tells you stories about me too.” The older nudges his shoulder and smiles playfully, and Kihyun blushes, because, apparently, his teacher has a big dick and is into bondage. Oh, handcuffs are his favourite, his butthole is cute and pink, and he has sensitive nipples. Minhyuk knows no limit, and Kihyun hopes Hyungwon doesn’t tell his best friend this much detail about him, because there are things he doesn’t want to expose about himself to people other than his boyfriend. 

“Well, fine, he does.” Kihyun gives up and blushes harder.

“What does he tell you?” The older nudges his shoulder again.

“I’d rather not say it, sorry,” he stops himself, because Mr Shin is Hoseok now, and ‘sir’ is only applicable to Hyungwon. Mr Shin pouts, and Kihyun sighs. “Sorry, Hoseok, but I don’t want to say.”

The older beams immediately and smiles brightly, showing him thumbs up. Fine, it’s Hoseok now, let it be Hoseok from now on, fine, Hoseok, okay, Hoseok. 

“How is,” Kihyun lowers his gaze and wonders whether they can really get this close. They probably can. “How is Minhyuk?”

Hoseok smiles and looks in front of him, recollecting things about his best friend. “He’s good. He draws us so much, oh, my god, he is amazing.” He reaches into the pocket of his jeans and gets his phone out. He said ‘us’. Kihyun smiles at the thought. “Look.” Hoseok takes off his phone case and gets a small piece of folded paper. It’s a pencil drawing, and Kihyun can recognise Minhyuk’s style, the way it’s sharp and the shadows exaggerated, but he sees the happiness he depicted on the three men’s faces. It looks like an auto-portrait, a selfie, and it’s lovely. It’s nice that Hoseok carries it around, it’s precious. “Isn’t it good?” The older asks, still seemingly impressed by the drawing, even though the deep lines indicate that it’s been quite some time since the paper has been folded for the first time. 

“Yeah, it’s really good.” Kihyun says and mentally coos at how adorable their relationship must be. Minhyuk always looks unbelievably happy whenever he talks about his boyfriends. Hoseok looks happy too just looking at his drawing. They make Kihyun feel warm inside. 

They look over Kihyun’s essay plan and research for about ten minutes before Hyungwon quietly walks into the living room with a passive worried expression. 

“Not to disturb your bonding time, lads,” he starts, and Kihyun and Hoseok both turn around abruptly. Hyungwon sucks in his breath through gritted teeth and shrinks. “Well, food is going places.” He vaguely gestures with his hands in the air, and Kihyun jumps up like a circus puppy and runs to the kitchen, past abashed Hyungwon. 

“This can still be saved, I think?” his boyfriend murmurs as Kihyun takes the chicken off the stove and stirs it.

“Stay away!” he screams and aggressively flips every single piece of chicken and grain of rice off the pan, and it seems okay. At least it doesn’t smell burned, and looks more or less soft. Kihyun sighs in relief and leaves the pan on the stove, which he providently turned off, and calms his breathing with loud high pitched exhales.

Hyungwon approaches him and takes his head in his hands, looking him in the eyes with all the things good in the world, and smiles. He leans in and kisses Kihyun gently, and it’s as if Hoseok isn’t there somewhere in the depth of the apartment, ready to come to the kitchen at any moment, and although he’s worried and anxious as fuck, he kisses back and really relaxes, for the first time that day. He’s okay, he’s at his second home, cooking with his boyfriend and his best friend, he’s appreciated and loved, and he’s getting help with his studying, and he’s fine. He didn’t even notice how stressed out he really was throughout the entire day, but Hyungwon’s simple touch can help him let go of any worries and problems for as long as he’s there. Kihyun is so in love, really, for the millionth time. 

“Ah, so this is how it looks like from the side.” Hoseok comes into the picture, and Kihyun jumps up and whips his head back, away from Hyungwon, but the other still holds his head in his hands and has no intention of letting go, giving his friend a casual look. “I always wondered who reaches where, considering your height difference.” Hoseok laughs insidiously and makes a funny face, and Hyungwon just rolls his eyes and finally lets go. 

“I think Kihyun saved our only meal, let’s eat.” The other says and reaches for a cupboard to get some plates, and Kihyun unfreezes and shyly moves to get some cutlery. Hoseok reaches for another cupboard and gets three glasses, and Kihyun notes that he, too, knows everything in this place, and feels good realising he isn’t really that jealous. 

They sit around the bar counter, Hyungwon by Kihyun’s side and Hoseok opposite him, and he suddenly feels awkward again, so he just lowers his head and eats the chicken, which is surprisingly decent. Hyungwon seriously can’t survive without him. 

The older men chat their life away, and Kihyun doesn’t particularly want to say anything, he honestly just wants to stay with his boyfriend alone, but, perhaps, getting to know Hoseok was a good idea, but more than that he needs a relaxing make out session with Hyungwon, full of love and praise for his mental capabilities and hard work, and maybe later a bit of sex on the side. He feels the urge to just grab his phone and scroll through Twitter, stalk new Interstellar activities, but it would be rude and he appreciates people with good manners. But he never said to not be a hypocrite, so maybe he should just fuck the older men that surround him and go lie on the couch or something. He wants to talk his worries away; he doesn’t even need food for comfort anymore – just a simple hug and no extra eyes on him.

Hyungwon lightly touches his shin with his foot and gives him a curious stare when he notices Kihyun just messing his food from side to side, lips in an unconscious pout and back hunched more than usual. It’s cute when his boyfriend is being attentive and considerate, but now it just feels too much in the presence of his other teacher. 

Hoseok puts a piece of chicken on his mouth and rests his chin on his hands, still holding the chopsticks. There’s a stare on his face, and only sounds of chewing tell him that the man opposite isn’t dead. “I want to protect you, Kihyun,” Hoseok randomly says, voice casual and not a sign of mockery or teasing, and Kihyun tries not to show any signs of asphyxiation. “You’re so cute I want to pat your head and wrap a scarf around your neck,” he shoves more rice in his mouth and continues talking, “but I also want to kick you in the balls for not doing work because you know you’ll get away with it just because you are dating my best friend.” Hoseok gulps down the rest of his lychee juice they found at the back of Hyungwon’s fridge, and Kihyun blushes hard, because that’s weird. He wants to be babied, but only by his boyfriend, and his wants his balls safe, he is not that masochistic. 

Thin protective arms wrap around his shoulder, turn him around and push him backwards, such that he leans on Hyungwon’s chest. He barely balances on the stool in this position. “It’s my job to kick him in the balls, you are exclusively not allowed to touch him.” Hyungwon says, just as casually, and takes his chopsticks in his left hand to bite on the chicken, leaving the other resting on Kihyun’s chest. This is weird, Kihyun is not a toy for trade, they can’t just talk about him like he isn’t there. He is too awkward to say anything against it though. And the hand on his chest feels nice.

Hoseok wipes his mouth with a tissue and gets up, raising his eyebrows in a goodbye. “Gonna go.” He gives Kihyun a tiny smile, and Hyungwon sighs somewhere over his head and shifts. 

“Fine, I’ll close the door after you.” Kihyun sits up again and Hyungwon tiredly hobbles down the corridor. 

Kihyun stays in the kitchen, mind constantly referring to Hoseok’s ‘protect you’, and wonders whether it has a positive connotation or some other context, and it freezes his thinking process for a moment. Or for a long moment, until Hyungwon comes back into the kitchen. The other goes right up to him and puts his hands on his waist, gripping the sides lightly. 

“You know that I love you, right?” Hyungwon leans closer and kisses his cheek, his other cheek, his nose, his forehead, and Kihyun possibly relaxes for real. Hoseok is gone, this weird pressure is gone, sweet touches on his skin make his thoughts gone too. 

Kihyun hums, because he knows, and closes his eyes. Hyungwon hugs him closer and covers his lips with his, and it’s sweet and a little bit sour after the teriyaki, but it’s comforting and indicating a make out session Kihyun has been craving for hours. 

“Let’s cuddle and shower?” Hyungwon asks, leaning back a little, and Kihyun only has the strength to nod, eyes still closed and feeling sleepy, and he just really wants to be close with his boyfriend, receive kisses and praises, strokes on his head and fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp and sucking out his negative thoughts. Hyungwon has the power to do so, and Kihyun lets him, and it’s nice and lovely, and he knows he can relax, because he is always welcomed in his boyfriend’s apartment. 

 

Some sweet sunny day Kihyun is quietly studying in his boyfriend’s kitchen, when Hyungwon stumbles out of his bedroom, dressed in blue loose jeans and a lilac blue sweater that’s missing a shirt underneath, barefoot and hair in a horrid mess. Kihyun looks up worried, absolutely sure that the other doesn’t have to be at work earlier than in two hours, and Hyungwon leans on the counter, smiling deliriously and laughing at nothing in particular, or maybe just at himself. He hasn’t even opened his eyes properly yet, face puffy and eyelids heavy. 

“Are you okay?” Kihyun asks, confused and worried, and Hyungwon releases a high-pitched sound resembling a very loud sigh. 

“I missed my first class,” he says in a hoarse voice and chuckles. 

“What? How?” Kihyun looks through his notepad hastily, trying to find the scribbled timetable of his boyfriend’s classes. 

“Yeah, it’s the one I have every fortnight with my freshmen, and I didn’t even call the principal yet to ask for a substitute.” Hyungwon keeps laughing, wiping his eyes, and Kihyun seriously can’t bring himself to laugh with him, because that’s kind of a bad thing. “I’m going to get in trouble.” He chuckles and wraps his hands around Kihyun, finally opening his eyes widely. He narrows them immediately afterwards, because it’s bright and Kihyun is close enough for the other to see him without his prescription glasses.

Hyungwon just doesn’t stop smiling, and it’s alarming. They didn’t drink last night, Hyungwon’s mental state is okay, and he should be scared for his life and not laughing into Kihyun’s face without even brushing his teeth.

“Kihyun, I love you so much,” he says and kisses him, and Kihyun is shocked, eyes wide open and hand dropping a pen he was holding, and Hyungwon is warm after sleep, disheveled and bristly from having just woken up, and his lips are dry and thick, and Kihyun doesn’t understand. Hyungwon leans back, grabs Kihyun’s face and squeezes it hard between his hands, smiling like a stoner but genuinely and with love, and the younger has no fucking clue what’s going on. “I need you in my life so much, Kihyun, move in with me?” the other opens his mouth in an overly excited smile, and Kihyun probably heard it wrong.

“Wait, what?” he asks and puts his hands on top of the ones on his cheeks, and it’s really there.

“Move in with me, Kihyun.” Hyungwon’s breathing gets faster and harsher, and he looks so crazily excited, and it can’t be real, but it is. Move in, as in, live together, share a bed and drink tea late at night? “I can’t survive well on my own, I need you here with me, Kihyun, let’s live together.” 

And Kihyun possibly feels tears in his eyes. He nods, and they fall down his cheeks and disappear in the skin of Hyungwon’s thumbs, and the other squeals and kisses him again, and it’s a confirmation. He’s going to live with his boyfriend? Like, really live with him?

“Like, really move in and live here?”

“Yes, really, you will wake me up every morning and make me dinner, we will fuck and study together, and I will drive you to college every morning, and we can sort everything out later,” Hyungwon rambles quickly and kisses Kihyun again, and it’s the most plans he has ever had for his future. 

He can still have his own apartment, he doesn’t have to sell it, at least not immediately, and Hyungwon has a car, so they can move everything on their own, and Kihyun already knows everything here, he learned the area, he used the keys, he stayed over for over three days in a row. He has a spare toothbrush here, he has fucking everything, including his heart and the man his loves the most. 

“Fuck, let’s?” Kihyun tries to continue but gives up and just kisses Hyungwon back, too many emotions spreading through his body. He doesn’t have his paranoia anymore, he knows the proposal is real, even though Hyungwon looks pretty messed up and out of his mind, it’s real, they’re going to live together. “Let’s live together?” Kihyun finally asks on the verge of hysteria, voice cracking, and Hyungwon nods furiously in the middle of the kiss, and it’s so unbelievably amazing. 

“Let’s live together, Kihyun.” Hyungwon purrs gently into the kiss, and Kihyun explodes with euphoria and all the things good.

He loves Hyungwon’s messy wardrobe and his huge t-shirts that are way too big for both of them, and he loves wearing them for his boyfriend to stare at his half uncovered legs and ordering to take the useless clothes off. He loves Hyungwon’s inability to cook and wake up, and how the other constantly needs him to do those things for him, and Kihyun agrees, because he is in love, and also because he is kind and wants peace in his boyfriend’s head. He loves Hyungwon’s plump pretty lips he can kiss whenever he wants when they’re alone, and his pretty eyes that look at him with so much affection, and his soft hair that he can stroke and cut when they get too long, and his hands that he can hold and that touch his butt even in his sleep, and his entire body in general, really. He loves the fact that Hyungwon is a normal human being, quirky, weird as fuck, clever as fuck too, unbelievably beautiful and loves Kihyun back just as much – in this he can be sure. He doesn’t need words at all times, he grew out of it, he just needs a smile or a glance, and he feels the love across the distance of the entire college corridor. 

Kihyun doesn’t need words for confirmation of Hyungwon’s love for him, because every single time the other speaks to him, or is just with him, or just hugs and kisses him, it’s obvious, all of it, the fact that Kihyun is a lucky bastard with the best lover ever. The one that gave up being a distant teacher for him, gave up on rules and laws, gave up on precautions and insecurities, just to be with him and show him how he feels, cover his entire body with love and many things more, and it’s good. 

Everything is good. Finally, after so long, everything is good, and Kihyun has Hyungwon by his side, and it’s good, so good it makes him cry, because it was unreachable and unbelievable for so long, and slowly, taking steps they both keep up with, they reached it, the relationship Kihyun deserves. He is so sappy, it should be disgusting, but it’s nice, absolutely fucking amazing, beautiful and very much believable. 

It’s nice having Hyungwon by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna miss them, but only for a while as this work is a series and i have more oneshots to come!!

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on twt @chaeleggiewon


End file.
